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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should we buy DD a car? (Very much a first world problem)

85 replies

CarolineCarr · 05/11/2025 09:19

We bought DS a car for his 18th birthday.

DD will be turning 18 at the end of the month and we can't decide whether we buy her a car- or rather, one of DH and I feels we definitely should and the other feels we definitely shouldn't. I'm going to try to set out the viewpoints without saying who is who.

Against buying a car- it won't get driven very much. Her test isn't booked until a week after her birthday (DS had already passed his on his 18th). She isn't a very keen driver at the moment and needs more confidence.

For buying a car- we should do the same for both our children. Thinking about whether she passes before or after the birthday is irrelevant and thinking about the amount it will be driven immediately is too short term- she might have it for the next decade.

Not in the mix- cost. We are in agreement that we have the money to do it without any difficulty at all and that this is not a factor.

Please vote (assigned at random, not according to who thinks what)

YABU- buy the car
YANBU- don't buy the car

OP posts:

Layer · 07/11/2025 06:28

CarolineCarr · 06/11/2025 19:55

Thanks everybody- I've found this thread really helpful. I have spoken to dd and she is having a think about it but she was less keen than I thought she would be (I was the one arguing for buying the car, if that wasn't clear).

On the subject of sharing, I have absolutely no doubt that DS would give DD a kidney and share the car too if asked, but that's not what we have done- we gave him the car outright, he is registered owner. I wouldn't dream of taking the gift back now. I can see good arguments for us having bought the car to share in the first place but we didn't do that and I don't have a time machine. If we don't get a car for DD she will be able to share mine.

Who pays the insurance and the upkeep?

sashh · 07/11/2025 06:31

Please ask her.

The number of unwanted things and experiences I have had because my older brother wanted them I have lost count of.

VI form - I had to go to the one my brother went to, even though it was crap and didn't do the subjects I was interested in.

Driving lessons - my brother had them for his 17th so I had to have them. I had no interest in learning to drive at the time. It was just another thing to learn on top of VI Form.

@Mumptynumpty has it spot on.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/11/2025 07:02

Layer · 06/11/2025 20:50

You should have bought a family car - not for the first born but for all your kids to share. Poor decision making on your part.

Why? If the family can afford more than one as the OP fortunately can (and they’ve somewhere to park it), it makes much more sense to buy the children something that suits each of them, when it suits them. Fairness doesn’t mean treating identically. I’d imagine in this case if the OPs children had a shared car at this point the older boy would continue getting most of the benefit from it anyway.

what may make sense to one family doesn’t necessarily apply to another

Manthide · 07/11/2025 09:11

We bought a car for dd1 and she was the registered owner but she always knew that it was for dd2 as well (19 months younger). SiL has given ds his old car as he was hoping it would give him an incentive to get his driving license (failed twice and theory expired) and exdh is using it atm (I'm the registered keeper). Unfortunately ds is not the sharing kind so I don't think he'd be happy if dd3 drove it (she's 17 with test in February).
Definitely put the money aside and see what dd wants.

ByRealLemonFox · 07/11/2025 12:31

Ask her if she wants a car. If she says yes, and fails her test she can use it to practice in until she passes. You only really learn to drive and have confidence once you pass your test. If she says no, then give her the money so she has the equivalent as DS.

Cardamomandlemons · 07/11/2025 12:34

Ask her if she wants a car or the equivalent cash in an investment account.
She might not need one, depends on her plans. if she is going to uni in a busy city with good public transport the car might be unnecessary.

Derbee · 07/11/2025 12:37

Peonies12 · 05/11/2025 09:28

Why not ask her? She might prefer the money to do something she chooses, and isn't a waste if the car won't be used. God knows why you bought your DS a car, that's so spoilt. He should be saving to buy his own car. or they should share a car, I'm 34 and I've never had my own car.

Edited

How ridiculous. It’s not spoilt to provide what you can for your children, if you can easily afford it. It’s generous parenting.

Didntask · 07/11/2025 15:29

Jealousy is an ugly trait

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 15:32

randomchap · 05/11/2025 09:25

Buy it once she passes her test. If she fails it may be a while before she can re-book and the car will just sit on the drive doing nothing.

But tell her this is the plan, so she knows that she's being treated equally

Surely she could use if for practise. My ds had a car ( old one passed on) and he used to drive in it supervised nearly every day. Was certainly cheaper than coughing up for lessons to get in practise.

Sterlingrose · 07/11/2025 15:36

Buy her a car when she says she needs one. No point buying one if it won't get used.

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