Should we buy DD a car? (Very much a first world problem)

[CarolineCarr]

We bought DS a car for his 18th birthday.

DD will be turning 18 at the end of the month and we can't decide whether we buy her a car- or rather, one of DH and I feels we definitely should and the other feels we definitely shouldn't. I'm going to try to set out the viewpoints without saying who is who.

Against buying a car- it won't get driven very much. Her test isn't booked until a week after her birthday (DS had already passed his on his 18th). She isn't a very keen driver at the moment and needs more confidence.

For buying a car- we should do the same for both our children. Thinking about whether she passes before or after the birthday is irrelevant and thinking about the amount it will be driven immediately is too short term- she might have it for the next decade.

Not in the mix- cost. We are in agreement that we have the money to do it without any difficulty at all and that this is not a factor.

Please vote (assigned at random, not according to who thinks what)

YABU- buy the car
YANBU- don't buy the car

I would buy her the car. We bought DS a car for his 17th even though he hasn’t passed his test yet. We take him out driving in it for practice outside of his lessons so you can always do that with DD. It wouldn’t be fair for you to buy DS one and not DD

That wasn't the question though, was it. And they have given the car to ds so they can't just turn around and make it a joint car.

They can do what they like

Who pays the maintenance on the car and tax and insurance? Is she working or going to uni?

I think that if you're say an apprentice joiner getting a car at 18 is exactly what you'd want.

But if you are planning on uni in a few months having to tax and insure and then maintain a car you don't desperately need would be a pain.

I don't think equal for the sake of it necessarily is equal but there are too many variables to say who is right here.

Um, yeah. Obviously, they can. But it would be an incredibly shitty thing to do when it's his birthday present.

She’s turning 18yo. YABVU for not asking her. Ask her if she wants a car or another gift to same value, then all is fair. Whatever she chooses.

DS's car is his- he owns it. We can't take it away (and wouldn't want to).

I would have said no if you hadn’t bought one for your DS, I think you have set a precedent and it would be unfair not to buy one for DD. Hopefully it will give her a bit more confidence to pass her test and get driving too

She gets a car. It's not purchased until she's passed the test. If she fails, there's a conversation about investing the money so she can buy one when she passes. Up to you as to whether she can access that cash prior to a specific date should she be ambivalent.

It's a life skill. You are in the fortunate position to be able to enable it, putting it off indefinitely won't do her any favours.
If the car is actually not needed eg: you live in central London, then that's a bit different. I'm assuming this is a thing because otherwise you are ferrying your children about.

She's not going to become a confident driver unless she drives frequently. Having her own car will help that. How else will she get in the driving needed to become at ease with it?

We bought a car for DS but now DD has passed they share it.

My first instinct is to say get her a car, but I am looking at the situation from the perspective of someone who lives in the country and couldn't wait to get the DC on the road independently, so that colours my opinion. If you live somewhere with good public transport links or she is planning to go to University in a big city next year it might be less worthwhile.
I think you should spend roughly the same amount of money on both DC as otherwise it's likely to breed resentment but I wouldn't automatically get her a car just because her brother got one. What does she want and what are her future plans? If she's planning to work or study somewhere where it would be useful I would probably go for the car. She might not love driving right now but once she passes and gets more confident she'll probably really appreciate the independence that her own car gives her. But if she's planning to go away I'd think carefully. Both my DSs went to city centre Universities where not only was a car not necessary but the Universities actively discouraged students from bringing them by having no or extremely expensive parking. If your DD has similar plans you might end up with her car sitting outside your house unused for most of the time from next September. If that's the case I'd think about either getting her something different or investing the money with a view to buying a car once it becomes more useful. There's not much point in having a car depreciating on your drive if it is not going to be used.

I would get the car, she’ll get more confident the more she drives and it will be there once passes.

Tell her in advance you’ll buy a car when she passes, the money is there. My friend bought her car before her test and it took her years to pass.

My eldest two daughters shared a car and it wasn't a problem. At first the younger one used it more (passed her test 6 months after dd1) but eventually dd1 took it as she was a F1 doctor and needed it whereas dd2 lived in a city and could cycle to work.

I misread that as DD was a formula 1 driver

Sometimes when I'm in the car with her I think she's aspiring to be one!

We always treat our now adult children the same as is practically possible. We bought a car for our first child’s 21st. The second child was then told they could have a car for their 21st. They said they didn’t want it for their 21st as there was no parking places near their uni accommodation. They had it as soon as they wanted, which was after they left uni.

Does she even want to drive? I was badgered into driving lessons for my 17th birthday despite not being the slightest bit interested (and with much fanfare about how lucky I was and how much they cost), took and failed my test once and haven't driven since.

I moved out not long afterwards and would much rather have had the cash.

Buy her a car, regardless whether or not she will drive much, or if she will prefer money as PP say, a car will open up her world. She will never build her confidence if she doesn’t drive once she passes. Also it’s likely to be something she will use for the next decade, as you say, and so will be an ongoing useful thing to have.

In prioritised fun and holidays when I was 17/18 and I didn’t learn to drive until much later which I think was a mistake

If she doesn't want or need it yet so just put the money aside or ask her if she wants cash instead or whatever

Does she want a car?
There's no way I'd buy a car for someone who hadn't passed their test. What if she never passes her test? You've then got a taxed insured car losing value on your drive.
But mainly, if she doesn't want a car then why would you buy her one?

Sharing is not taking away

This is why we won’t give our DC a car, instead we will buy a car for them to use and fight over

It would be theft, seeing as he owns the vehicle. They can't make him share, and the op has said they wouldn't want to.