To have been patronising to the Doctor?

[LiveTellyPhrase]

Sorry, I’ve just read this and it’s long but was very cathartic to write out!!

I have a kidney transplant. I’ve had it for nearly 10 years and was diagnosed with kidney failure after contracting an auto immune disease.

Ive therefore had a LOT of contact with various HCPs over this timeframe and am often taken aback by inappropriate/uneducated comments about it (one RENAL nurse once asked me if my kidneys failed because I ‘ate too much salty foods’ 🙄 .

I was given an emergency appointment this afternoon as I have a painful UTI. I don’t wait to see how these progress but always see GP at first sign as they have travelled to my transplanted kidney before.

Before The appointment I filled in all the online admin about why I was there, what I needed, if I had any conditions etc.

When I went in to see the doctor I started to explain that I’d had some urgency around the toilet. Before I could go any further he interrupted with a ‘let me stop you there…’ and asked me if I was dehydrated, did I do pelvic floor post birth, asked why I had jumped to conclusions that it was a UTI…

I started talking again and explained that I had many before, the feeling was the same … I noticed he wasn’t listening at this point and was looking at his phone. He interrupted again and said he was reluctant to prescribe anything and UTIs can build tolerances…I started to then interrupt him but he put up his hand and went ‘bubububub’ to stop me talking.

He said did I have any pain? I said yes, I was concerned as the pain had travelled up to my kidney and pointed to my pelvis.

He immediately looked very smug and said ‘dear, your kidneys are around your back… i think if the pain is there it may just be your period, or perhaps you pulled a muscle’? He started to stand up and talked about coming back in a week if it hadn’t improved.

At this point I interrupted again and said, in an equally patronising tone ‘dear, you’re right, my non working native kidneys ARE on my back, but my transplanted kidney is at the front and I’m pretty sure I’m at very high risk of hospitalisation if it travels there, which it very much can do as my unrinary tract is shortened’

He spluttered at this point and very abruptly pulled me up for not having mentioned my transplant. I said ‘if you’d have let me finish any one of my sentences or reviewed my notes, you would know this’.

He did end up writing a prescription but tried to have the last word by saying as I walked out ‘next time please do make it very clear you have a transplant’. To which I told him next time to please read the patients notes.

Honestly I’m so sick of being talked over, told what problems might be or even someone trying to tell me (again, GP!!) that I now only had one kidney as I’d had a transplant!!

I despair for anyone who isn’t very well versed in their own conditions and has to navigate these situations and take the word of doctors as gospel!

So AIBU to have replied patronisingly (I NEVER do this and am not quite as quick to quip back as I was today) and should I complain to the practise manager? I don’t know if it’s just the straw that’s broken the camels back!!

and to add, I have some wonderful nurses and doctors on my teams who are amazing which I do recognise!

Surely fundamentsl training for an HCP is about listening and analysing the facts before them on the basis that not all clients will and csn get straight to the point.

This thread has reminded me of my first appointment with the obstetrician when I was having my eldest. We were discussing caesareans and I said that my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome meant that local anaesthetics don’t work properly on me and I would need a general. Spent the rest of the appointment arguing with the consultant who flatly refused to believe this was possible. I was very upset, and frankly scared by the end of it. You only have to hear one story of someone enduring a caesarean without anaesthetic to terrify you, and I’d heard a couple by this point.

As I was leaving the hospital one of the nurses chased after me to give me an information leaflet that I might find “helpful”. It was printed from the EDS website and they’d clearly just googled it. It said exactly what I had been telling them.

At my next appointment it was clearly recorded on my notes that I would be having a general anaesthetic for the caesarean and the consultation acted as if there had never been any question of it being otherwise. Obviously I’m grateful they actually listened and did what I needed, but it’s so frustrating to be put through all that fear and upset (especially with pregnancy hormones!) when they could find the information on the internet so quickly as they clearly did after I left the room on the first appointment.

I was then brought round for the general anaesthetic after the caesarean with no pain relief in my body, which was the most horrific experience of my life, but that’s another story 🙄

Nitrofurantoin is a broad-spectrum antibiotic. There is no such thing as an antibiotic that "concentrates in the bladder". The reason nitrofurantoin is given for UTIs is because it is known to be effective against the bacteria that typically cause UTIs. It is not the "gentler" or more focused alternative you seem to believe it is.

This

You were bloody brilliant. Good for you. God why is this such a common occurence for women to be silenced and fobbed off. We are the experts of our own bodies. Listen to us before you do us harm.

Time to stop being bitter. Put your energy into getting better. I hope you are being polite to staff that are trying to help you.

Be thankful in your position that we have such a wonderful NHS.

There are not two side to this. Op was not given space to speak. GP was not listening and was not reading the notes. He fails on two counts.

There's no need to imply that the OP was overstepping or being rude here. She wasn't. And we'd truly have a 'wonderful NHS' if clinicians listened and aimed to do the best job possible for their patients, rather than trying to prove the patient wrong. The 'be grateful' approach is basically 'STFU and accept poor treatment'.

On the rare occasions on which I need and can secure an NHS GP appointment I now write and print off a note to the doctor which I give them when I sit down ‘to save their time’. It is in a few short bullet points setting out symptom, how long had it for, what I’d like to happen, any questions. They are sometimes appalled but it works and I always smile and tell them to keep on my notes so there is a record of what I told them…..

The NHS is not ‘wonderful’. Many of the staff are, but some need to be dismissed. This GP came very close to negligence by virtue of neither listening to the patient or reading her notes. These are very basic skills.

Agree, there should be a space on the screen as soon as you open a file to note kidney transplant /allergic to XYZ/had cancer etc. Doesn't need anymore detail than that but the v important stuff is there for either the patient to elaborate on or the doctor to then trawl through to find. A Gp doesn't have time to be reading through every patients file in the very unorganised way they seem to be set out on many systems.
Much more minor than this a Gp had noted on DDs file that she had high pain threshold and not to use her demenour as an main indicator after bubbly 2 Yr old DD chatted away at her while I explained that she d had a high temp for 48 hours earlier that week and now I thought her voice sounded odd and wanted her throat checked as we were travelling and maybe I'd need a prescription as a precaution. I'd didn't blame her for thinking I was a over cautious mammy, but when she looked at DDs throat she was shocked, putrid was the word she used to describe her tonsils. I had to be v firm and direct doctors on a couple of occasions afterwards to go find that note when attempting to brush me off.

I would complain, imagine a teen girl seeing him and being fobbed off!

I had a 10 min chat about blood results yesterday with a patronising GP who kept telling me I don't have anemia because my haemoglobin is high despite all others being on the floor. Like you, he barely let me talk. Finally got a word in and explained that I do have anemia because I already get B12 injections, so this result is quite odd and suggests there might be other deficiencies causing anemia. He still was trying to put me on antidepressants! I'm going in today because I told him that I would rather see someone in person, but you shouldn't have to fight to be heard when they haven't even read your notes.
Edit to add the reason for the bloods was bone tiredness, napping in the day, breathlessness after stairs - typical anemia.

Ok…the info in the NHs link is pretty misleading then.

Why on earth would you imply I’m not being polite to staff? Why on earth do you think I’m bitter?

I am, rightfully, frustrated at a very poor experience with a very rude doctor. If I hadn’t pushed, I may have believed his assertion that it was probably period pain and not taken myself to A&E to discover that I now do in fact have a kidney infection.

99% of NHS staff are amazing but to suggest that the institution is anything other than in crisis and on its knees would be fantasyland

Hope you're getting sorted now OP.
There are some batshit responses on here. Haven't read what you've written, but doesn't stop them jumping to conclusions.
Hmm, what does that remind me of?

I am prone to infections for urinary problems, they usually respond to one of two antibiotics. The Practice let's me keep a supply of one of them with me. This is very useful as often it has happened out of hours.
If I get an infection I start taking the tablets and then take a sample into Surgery ASAP. If after test they decide I need an other antibiotic they email the local pharmacy and phone me.
@LiveTellyPhrase Do you usually need the same drug?

Jeez, you're as patronising as the doctor.

Do you start all your conversations without any greeting?

Presumably if OP had used even the shortest and more basic courtesy to say "hello" first, by your logic she'd only have had four words left, so "hello, I have a kidney" wouldn't have been of much help?

OP - I agree that, even though he should absolutely have read your online consultation, it might be easier for you to just bring it up ASAP, but I completely agree you should complain to the practice manager - and I worked in medical complaints for years. I would include a sentence referring to the good service you've had over the years, ideally naming one or two particular drs/nurses and then say "which was why I was so disappointed with Dr x".

As you say there are many people not able to stand up for themselves who could have left with a completely incorrect prescription/nothing at all, which potentially fatal consequences.

She did!!!

🤷🏽‍♀️🫤😵‍💫

The client doesn't always know what you need to know, sure, but I can't imagine that you would interrupt a client five words into their first sentence in a meeting, surely?

@LiveTellyPhrase go in wearing this?

https://amzn.eu/d/2l7H5Hf

or make your own badge:
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The ‘dear’ bit would have tipped me over the edge!

Yes, the number of doctors on here saying they don't have time to read patient notes who also clearly don't read the patient posts on MN is quite funny, in a depressing way. If you don't have time to read the notes, listening to the patient is the only option. You can't ignore the notes AND the patient.

I feel for you, OP, I hope A&E have you treated and back to normal soon. Maybe hide this thread, as the sheer number of people not bothering to read your posts must be adding to the irritation.

DH went to the GP with bilateral calf pain and tenderness. The GP listened and did what they were supposed to do, bloods were sent and showed high D-dimer so he was packed off to hospital where they did the complete opposite of listen and packed him off without so much as a scan. He was an oncology patient so that should've raised alarm bells but it didn't. A few days later he had a massive stroke.

I am sorry that you encountered this GP and would encourage you to make that complaint. I wish you well.

Agree, you shouldn’t have to, but for ease I’d lead with this.

” hello I have a kidney transplant and I am concerned that I have a UTI as it’s very much in line with the ones I’ve had before…”

@HungerGamess

Except that @LiveTellyPhrase is now the one at A&E sleeping in a chair ….

A triage form was completed with the necessary info - that is how the appointment was allocated.

Are you suggesting that the GP does not even need to look at that before the patient comes in?

I am not quite sure what you are trying to defend, or why?

Interrupting is rude on any social norm level. Interrupting a patient trying to explain their symptoms is next level rude before we even get to the “bupbupbupbup” and “dear”.

What are you actually defending here?

I get that GPs won't have time to read a patient's full medical history before every appointment, but if they're not even scanning the information provided on the online form that is specific to that appointment then I think that really needs to be made clear. It is hardly an unreasonable expectation that this would be happening.