DH always complaining about or wiggling out of taking DD to her swimming lessons

[Jensagi]

DH and I have 2 Dads, DD1 is 4 and in reception, DD2 is 2. I work 3 days a week Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I do the majority of school/nursery runs. DH works full time, from the office Monday-Thursday and generally from home on Fridays. He gets an early finish on Fridays so picks DD up from school then gets DD from nursery.
Currently DD1 does 3 activities, swimming, ballet and tennis, she loves tennis and was begging to go more so she goes both on a Tuesday and Thursday. Swimming on a Wednesday and Ballet on Saturday mornings. I know this might seem like too much to some but she really enjoys it and even now half a term into reception doesn’t seem too tried by it.
The deal DH and I had was I’d do tennis and ballet runs, he’d do the swimming run. Swimming is at 6pm, he finishes at 4.30 and generally it takes him 45 minutes or so to get home, with 15-20 minute drive to swimming it is a tight turn around especially with traffic. I make sure DD is ready to go so he can arrive home, pop DD in the car and go. They don’t need to arrive too early as I put DD’s swimming stuff on under clothes. I feed the girls as soon as we all get home on Wednesdays around 5. I have DDs bath run for them getting home so he doesn’t need to do any of the prep before swimming or sort her much after.
Anyway DH seems to have got into a habit of conveniently booking work dinners for Wednesday nights, or if he can’t coming home and complaining about taking DD. He is effectively the client in the work dinners so does get quite a lot of say over when they are, and before DD started school they were more often on Mondays than any other day.
He has again this week booked a dinner for tomorrow and it frustrates me so much! I find it much harder to take DD to swimming with DD2, the kids play area at our gym closes at 6 so during the lesson DD2 is quite agitated and wants to run around but can’t. Also just getting DD1 dried etc, not to mention it messing up the bedtime routine as I haven’t even run the bath by the time we get home around 6.50, so have to run the bath, bathe both girls, do stories/milk/bedtime. Then DH just swans in at 9/10pm no stress in the world.
I understand it might sometimes be inevitable that he has to work late or go to a dinner on Wednesdays but I think it being more or less every other week is taking the piss a bit.
DH hides behind it being work, but I know he does have some control over the day of the week these are.
I’ve suggested we move DDs swimming to a Friday after school, they could go straight from school 4-4.30, DD2 could stay in nursery until I could pick her up at 4.30, but he doesn’t want this as he likes their “daddy daughter time” on Friday afternoons where he gets both girls and takes them for a treat, I’m fine with this but I feel like it has to be one or the other as too much of the hobby runs fall on me otherwise.

AIBU?

I think lots of people AREN'T meaning to give judgment op: it was just advice because things sounded as though the family system was under pressure and many of us feel it is needlessly so.

I felt quite exhausted just reading it all - and the bits about the hair after swimming etc - and thought I can see why the DH is feeling weak-willed.

Instead of the ubiquitous DH-dissing that happens on these threads, some of us felt it might be more helpful to reshape the issue from "why isn't he pulling his weight?" to "do you actually need to pull that weight as a family?"

FWIW I did ballet right the way through to full qualifications, and those early years are neither here nor there. Most of the beginner classes cohort had dropped out by the end of the primary grade exams, and the ones who went on to careers related to it hadn't even started. Ballet is a cruel hobby in that it is massively dependent on how your body shape develops and things like natural turnout. Putting the family under pressure at four to drag her alone won't help give her a leg up, and waiting a bit won't hinder if it's right for her.

I commend your energy but sometimes its worth considering other feedback.

Tennis is definitely started young, mine started at 5, coached for 10 years and are great players.
They are not playing much at the moment as they are too busy, but they have a sports skill and game that will carry them into their 70's.
Tennis is a tremendous sport to gift your children.
That and learning a musical instrument like piano is a skill that can be picked up at any age again and give great joy.

How is your dh a good dad when he prioritises his ‘treat’ time with dc on a Friday instead of parenting time taking dc swimming on a Wednesday when you have both agreed that swimming is important to you?
What does he do to make you state that he is a good parent?

But it’s swimming he won’t take them to. Not ballet, not tennis, not chess for 4 year olds. Swimming is essential.

This

you have control over booking swimming lessons

Yes, and I said in my response keep the swimming but consider dropping something else to take the pressure off. Four days a week is a lot of running round to activities for such a young child and it sounds like a cumulative thing. I thought OP was home on swimming night because she said she gets DD ready with her costume under her clothes.

I'm with you that if your children enjoy activities and you can make them work, you should. My son is a similar age and does swimming, gymnastics and tennis, and he's keen to restart football, too. He likes to be busy, and has fun.

I also agree that your husband should be involved in some of the activities.

I'm just not sure why you'd choose swimming, which you've identified yourself is the biggest PITA, and he'd have to do with a pretty tight turnaround after work.