To only fly home to events we are both invited to?

[thenewimmigrant]

Hello,

We (couple in our 20s) are lucky enough to be moving overseas for work next year. We have been together a couple of years, and recently started living together. We are really excited about this next step!

We have already had invitations/save the dates for various events in the UK happening after we’ve gone, such as weddings and honestly for the first 6 months post move there is something every 3-4 weeks. Many of these invitations are just to one of us. We love our friends and family and know their life events are important but aibu if we say we will only fly home (the flight is a couple of hours) to events we are both invited to?

if IANBU, do we tell friends this is the line we’ve drawn? Otherwise it might seem like we are favouring some friends over others (for example, two of my school friends are marrying next summer. One has invited just me, one has invited us both. If I took this stance, we would only fly to the U.K. for the second one. If you were the first friend, would you rather I was honest with you as to why?).

This isn’t meant to be a criticism of people who don’t give guests plus 1s - we are in the early early stages of planning our own and so appreciate how expensive this all is! Just interested to know what others would do in this situation. Thanks

I would look at any invite case by case. Prioritise what feels most important/enjoyable rather than make a blanket decsion about partners means rsvp yes no partner means rsvp no.

I would definitely not attend if I felt my partner was not invited due to being same sex couple. That would no longer be important or enjoyable to me.

I completely understand and would
have the same rule! It’s not about control or not being able to have friends without your partner. Short trips out to the cinema , drinks, odd weekend away with friends all perfectly normal but frequent weekends away, no I want to spend time with my husband. A trip home for a wedding would mean staying in a hotel together being in a different town , walks, meals out the next day. I’d prioritise the ones we could do together, you’re a couple it makes sense .

I would generally choose by how much you want to go, rather than whether both of you are invited. The exception would be if you are only being denied a plus one because you are a same sex couple, as it would seem eminently sensible to avoid those people like the plague.

No you don't need to be attached at the hip.

I agree generally but I have a good friend who has a wife, and honestly they’re just so on the same wavelength (and equally fabulous) that I couldn’t imagine meeting one without the other - I genuinely enjoy the company of them both. They do everything as far as I can see together and while that’s generally odd, weirdly it just works for them.

If my original friend ever wanted to meet alone, of course I would, but for as long as they’re happily together (ie she doesn’t need a shoulder to cry on about her wife) I just can’t imagine this happening. They’re like best friends who also happen to be married, and it really works for them. It doesn’t feel overwhelming or suffocating at all.