Redundancy announcement - furious with manager and colleague

[Robin85]

I was told my job is being put at risk yesterday, along with almost 85% of those in my department (100+ people). A lot of us have been there 15-20+ years so there was a lot of emotion and anxiety about the future.

Today’s my non working day so I’m trying to take stock of things, and I can’t help but still feel angry about something a much younger colleague said. He is in his first role out of college and only been here about 1.5 years, so I don’t think the impact on him is quite the same (also lives at home).

About 10 minutes after we left the room where the announcement was made, he said in earshot of about 5/6 of us female colleagues, that at least we will all be alright. He was asked what he meant and said well it’s not like the men can go on onlyfans. One of my colleagues relayed the comments to our manager and he just laughed and said he was just trying to lighten the mood.

I think I’m more annoyed with how my manager replied but appreciate I am still emotional due to the announcement. Do you think that comment should be reported to HR or should I just forget it?

Maybe his emotions and concern are heightened as well. I mean you could just have a conversation with him about how he feels and then ask why he said what he did. Which would allow you to explain how you feel about the redundancy and comments like the one he made.

There’s always the possibility you two end up staying and having to work together. There are lots of other outcomes that involve the manager, you and him.

The best course of action, for the whole redundancy period, is to play things close. And to be honest 20 years experience and a nice redundancy package puts you in a way better position than him in this job market.

I’m sorry you (and many others) are being made redundant.

Did they tell you why they’re making so many people redundant?

I’d be furious with that colleague as well, that it even occurred to him says volumes about where he spends his money and how he sees his female colleagues. Just one of his female colleague needs to it offensive makes it sexual harassment and management shouldn’t be laughing it off.

But HR won’t peruse this in midst of redundancies.

I wouldn't, OP, but his card would definitely be marked in my head.

I'd put in a formal complaint and get one or more of your colleagues to do the same. It was a sexist 'joke' at a time when nobody wants jokes.

So how many women said to the men facing redundancy 'you could always be a male escort'. Why is it funny to tell women that they could earn money in the sex trade (and the women who have said similar, do you say it to random female colleagues or ones you are close to?)

For those of you thinking it is funny, would you be happy if your daughters were told to go on Only Fans by boys at school?

You can't be serious. How on earth is what you are you suggesting (children pornography) in any way comparable to some flippant joke in a stressful situation?

Kindly, I think you are projecting your emotions onto him.

He's immature and doesn't realise the seriousness of the situation.

Ignore and move on, and dont give it another moments thought. Sorry to hear about your situation OP.

@TodaRythm so you think this young man would only say something like that in a stressful situation?

I can’t believe the amount of women minimising this. This is harassment of older female employees. HR bloody should well deal with it as they have an obligation to protect staff from this kind of nonsense in the workplace. It is vile to suggest in a professional workplace that women will be immune from the effects of redundancy because they can sell their body online, even as “bantz”.

I hope he gets sacked

Even better, for gross misconduct

Not compatible at all. Child porn is very different to a bloke making a crass joke in a work place around ADULTS.

Jesus Christ I really feel for anyone working in an office nowadays, people are so easily offended!

I really do wonder how half of you get through life!

I should imagine the conversation in many high schools is a lot worse than that! Have you no idea what teenagers talk about?

You should have told him the reality - there loads of men sucking dick on OnlyFans, he just needs to broaden his horizons (and maybe work on his gag reflex).

When they go low OP, you go lower.

@MyFlabbersAreGasted okay, if they said this at college or university? Or do women once they are 18 have to put up with misogyny?

@MyFlabbersAreGasted , Some school pupils are adults.

@Lanzarotelady , How would you feel if you asked your boss for a pay rise and were told to go on Only Fans to boost your income?

This is 100% displaced anger.

Yes he is some misogynistic little shit but likely you wont have to see him much longer.
If your role is at risk the last thing you want to be doing is mithering HR over a throw away comment evwn if it reveals what a sexist jerk he is

You should have told him the reality - there loads of men sucking dick on OnlyFans, he just needs to broaden his horizons (and maybe work on his gag reflex).

When they go low OP, you go lower.

I fucking love this response... 🤣🤣🤣
Keep it in your pockret in case it comes up again OP

@Lanzarotelady I know that many girls have to put up with horrendous misogyny in schools, and it is excused as banter, and boys being boys (and you can see from the posts on here that many of their mothers wouldn't be picking them up on it)

A good manager would have took him aside and said something like “you may have felt
awkward and not known what to say, or thought you might lighten the mood, but can you not see how that might come across as inappropriate etc etc and sometimes it’s best to say nothing”. I’d have realised it was a very poor attempt to defuse/ice-break and given him a few examples of beibg mindful etc. Less wordly-wise/experienced colleagues (male and female) do make gaffs like this - he might now be mortified, a lesson in itself @Robin85

Maybe as he's getting made redundant anyway he feels free to make with the sexist jokes. That would have infuriated me, but realistically they're not going to do anything at this point so I'd just leave it.

If he was trying to lighten the mod, why not at his expense and say 'At least I can moonlight as a rentboy.'?

I am an adult, I would laugh about it. Be flattered that he thinks anyone would pay to see me in my knickers. Then we would both laugh and then go about our days
Because I am an adult, because I am not perpetually offended.

It was a joke. Maybe in bad taste. I've made similar ones myself. Another "optional" payment notification from the school - I'll have to go on the game at this rate! An unexpected plumbing emergency - Anyone know anyone that wants to buy a kidney?

I think you're upset because your job is at risk and taking it out on a colleague who maybe hasn't quite got the professional tone right. If you feel it's not in line with the office culture then pull him aside and say that you found it a bit hurtful and uncomfortable and you'd rather her didn't make jokes like that.