To think that good managers don’t ask colleagues to “look in my diary and book something?”

[ThisArtfulRobin]

I’ve had a few managers over the years who constantly say, “just look in my diary and book something,” instead of proposing a time or taking initiative. It feels like a small thing but in my experience, the best managers take more responsibility for their own time and don’t push the admin onto others, especially when they’re the ones asking for a meeting!

AIBU to think this is just laziness and a lack of basic leadership skills? Or is it actually standard practice now?

Perfectly normal where I work.

I get that some people prefer having control over their diary. I think my gripe is more with the blanket habit of passing it back automatically, rather than reading the situation. A quick “would you prefer I suggest something or do you want to pick?” covers both styles.

85% of us think YABU. That’s pretty definitive, OP. So, your idea of what a good manager is or does is clearly not the generally accepted view.

Then you say so but that’s still faster than dumping it back with no context. One quick exchange is efficient, endless delegation loops aren’t.

"I don't mind ThisArtfulRobin, what would you prefer?"

"I'd prefer you to suggest something"

"OK what about Tuesday afternoon"

"No I can't do Tuesday. What about Friday morning"

"I'm afraid I have a meeting then already. Why don't you check my diary and find a time which suits you and get back to work"

You sound like a bit of a faffer to be honest. I am super busy at work and booking my own meetings, let alone gently exploring with everyone I meet how they would prefer to go about the process of booking those meetings, isn't something I have time for 💁

You are not getting much understanding here OP, but I agree with you. My boss puts meetings in when they want to discuss our project and I book them in return when I want to. It takes no time at all and if someone is particularly senior, then they usually have PA support for that. I prefer a flatter hierarchy and fully expect to leave a requested meeting with actions. It’s just nice when there’s a little give and take in a relationship I find!

That’s what AIBU’s for. I still think how people handle small things like time management says a lot about their leadership style but I get that others see it differently.

I’m not suggesting a ten min consultation about diary etiquette, just a quick bit of initiative when you’re the one requesting someone’s time. In busy environments, small courtesies often save more time than they take.

I do it all the time, people will be having a conversation with me about something else completely, something that I have allocated time for, planned for, prepped for, bought together the correct stakeholders and they try to shoehorn in their issue or foist it off on me by mentioning it in passing and expecting me to jump on it. Nope. I tell them to book something in my diary if they want to discuss that and to ensure they bring the right people into the conversation.

"I don't know, I'll have to check my calendar" just wastes time too though. If you asked me about next Tuesday, I wouldn't have a clue. If I suggested Wednesday, my manager might not. We're both busy. It's simpler to just say to find a time that suits us both.

I totally disagree, it’s far more respectful and empowering for someone to say, choose a time which suits you, than mess about trying to debate it.

I really don’t understand the issue with it to be honest.

I can tbf see OPs argument that her method is (for want of a better word) gentler and might feel a bit less like a hierarchy but I don't think there's any world in which it's more efficient.

AIBU? Yes you are
no I’m not

why raise it as an aibu if you are convinced you’re not when 85% of us think you are

I am a manager of other managers and I will delegate these types of things to them as I am the most senior so my time costs the most and likewise my manager delegates them to me for him. It’s makes sense.

Also if I can deal with organising a meeting in two emails (1- ask Person A to add it 2- click "yes" on their invite) it decreases the chance of the email being lost in the twentybillion emails I've had in the meantime.

I say this all the time out of respect and consideration for my team, so they can choose any of my available slots to best suit them. It would never have occurred to me that there were people out there who would twist that into something to moan about.

Putting the scheduling to the more junior person gives them some control of the time frame. It’s generally seen as more respectful, and that would be because most people don't see the administrative task of booking the meeting as demeaning. They recognise the very real control and ownership it gives the person doing the booking.

They set the date, they set the participants, they set the agenda, any pre read requirements etc. Whereas the manager sets it and has consequence of others having to dance around them. Probably with wrong participants, probably wrong time frame. Because they’re not as close to tye details as their team are.

You may wish to take a pause and reflect on your opinions of administrative actions.

(Once you get senior enough you then have an assistant who does that for you, but what they tend to do is source the required information from the team member and then play diary reshuffle to accommodate).

If it’s genuinely a two-way scheduling thing, that’s fair. I just mean when the request comes from them, taking 10 seconds to suggest a rough slot makes the process smoother. I’ve worked with both styles and it’s usually the proactive ones who save everyone’s time.

I think you’re being a bit precious here. When a meeting is booked through a diary system you get reminders for the meeting, something you won’t get when manually coordinating. And the back and forth would be annoying - assuming you are quite busy too.

Also it’s strange you argue that the person requesting the meeting should organise it. It’s literally a managers job description to discuss stuff with their colleagues, so of course they might request a face to face meeting. It’s not their job description to book it into the diary.

I think you’re feeling a power balance that doesn’t sit right with you?

I think formal 1-1s should always be booked by managers (and be a regular series). I hate it when managers say to book your own 1-1s - really poor leadership imo. It’s so important to show your team you value them enough to dedicate the time. I have a 1-1 every week with my direct reports and if I need to move it I ask first - it’s important and I consider it to be their time not mine. My manager does the same.

Ad hoc meetings to be booked by whomever instigates the meeting - don’t expect me to book in time if you want to meet, equally I don’t expect you to book in time if I want to meet.

I also ask my team to book meetings when we are meeting with other teams, but only if they are also going to be attending the meeting or I’m delegating the meeting to them.

I strongly prefer to pick the meeting time. I need blocks of time to do my work best. If someone schedules a meeting in the middle of a free block, it can ruin an excellent opportunity.

My manager asking me to pick a time shows respect for my work. It’s the ones that just plonk something on my schedule that I don’t like.

Good managers, in my experience, handle their own requests instead of delegating the admin to whoever happens to be there.

Surely the point of being a manager is that you delegate stuff able to be done by other people.

I agree that context matters. When it’s framed as empowering someone to take ownership, that’s great. I’ve just seen the same habit play out in ways that feel more like deflection than delegation, which is where my point came from.

Saying check my diary and put something in is more proactive than messing about suggesting times.

I think, as someone else has suggested, you see this as a menial task that someone is fobbing off rather than a collaborative process. I prefer a collaborative relationship with my reportees and managers than what feels like micro managing - which to me is quite disrespectful.

Take comfort in the fact that 88% of people agree that your way is better (which is obviously is, imo)

It’s not about power dynamics for me, just clarity and accountability. I’ve worked with great managers who take ownership when they initiate something and others who push admin tasks without context, the difference shows. It’s a small thing but it reflects style.