If your a single parent can you work away 500 miles for a day.

[Sheldonsheher]

I have a send child and another child in primary.
my send child is often refusing school or being sent home ( almost once every week or twice).
Work is harassing me to either move nearer or hybrid. I had thought to offer a day month. But I’m now thinking this is not feasible because send child may be sent home. If public transport fails I will be stuck far away.
No family support near me.
Feels too risky or am I being defeatist?
I have not even tried to find someone who could do this maybe it’s a non starter?

Why are you working 500 miles away from work?

500 miles away?

Yes well I have for 5.5 years prior agreement. I moved to protect kids from abusive ex so that is the background.

500 miles ? That's around 8 hours of driving.

What is your actual current working agreement?

Would be 4 to 5 hours public transport. Not driving obviously that would be crazy

I would suggest this is not the right job for you, sorry.

I have been remote but as established the actual contract not changed just written agreement.

Would it be silly to even try to negotiate this hybrid?

I have a high paid niche professional career so this is the issue. Only bread winner.

Obviously.

Because the likelihood is that either you'd end up letting down work, or being reckless and negligent with your kids.

It's not even about school refusal, but if you've got no backup, what happens if the trains go down? Or you get delayed?

It's not fair on anyone.

500 miles is pretty much London to Balmoral. Public transport won't get you door to door in 4-5 hours each way. Unless you're in Japan or something with faster trains you're going to need 1-2 overnights. If it's a niche job then you're a niche employee too and should try to negotiate totally remote working imo

How are you going to fit in school drop off and pick up if only the travel to your work place takes 4 hours?
it’s a genuine question.

Obviously would need a childminder to do one long day with paid all day and option to stay overnight I suppose but does such a person even exist. Could they cope with challenging send behaviour?

What do you think a contract is other than a written agreement

I'm not even a single parent and couldn't manage this without some serious planning and back-up options.
Dp needs to take annual leave when I work away to make sure we've got cover either end of the day for the children (he does shift work with no flexibility). We've got older children and no send to contend with. If we're both unavailable during the work day we discuss back-up plan in advance for who drops everything if there's a child related emergency. It rarely happens but we need to plan for it. I wouldn't be comfortable being so far away if you don't have anyone else who can step in.

Yes I’m thinking maybe it’s not realistic it was a thought as a possible compromise but maybe it’s just too dangerous for the dc. ( also pointless work wise) maybe I could say a few days a year which could maybe cover from family with forward planning. Otherwise maybe if not prepared to move maybe just face this is not going to work out.

A nanny would.

Try childcare. Co . Uk

onviously best for your kids if they st least meet them beforehand.

It may be possible to find a nanny or similar to do one day a month, probably with overnights. But finding someone who could respond to challenging behaviour in the way you want could be hard, and you'd have problems if they decided to leave.

As a single parent to children with SEN, I wouldn't be comfortable with being that far away from my children on a regular basis unless I had really good back-up care, such as relatives who were used to caring for my children, or really good reliable childcare. I suspect that if that were the case you wouldn't need to ask the question.

If your job is very niche, hopefully that gives you bargaining power, but could also mean it's harder to find an alternative job?

I don’t have any childcare as I do it all myself.
i have looked for other jobs but there is nothing at the moment near enough to not involve daily commutes which I’m not sure I could manage.

Do flights not count as public transport? I live in the highlands and I can easily get to London and back in a day by plane, and the travel time is much less than going to Glasgow or Edinburgh. It’s a long day buts it’s doable.

A nanny with experience of sen might work. I would potentially look for an older woman who’s child(ren) are now independent and doesn’t mind staying over if you get stuck/super local. I certainly would be interested in that sort of role once I quit my job to top up my savings so I’m sure I’m not alone

I travel and I just can’t compute how this would work. Even with support.

I can just about do London (200 miles) in a day but that’s the 6am train and home at 7:30 earliest.

if you have in writing that you are a home worker (based on your comment) then I don’t understand the issue.

There Is a problem unfortunately my contract does not say I’m a home worker only a written agreement afterwards.
I guess it would depend on whether there was someone local as you say was interested and trusted for such a position. I would still feel anxious though so I’m not sure.

I do a 90mile commute as a single parent to 3 kids (two with send, both with EHCPs, one in specialist provision). I’m only in the office once a week - twice if I must. Like this week I was in today, all hunky dory until I got stuck in standstill traffic on m3 and my journey home took almost 4hours. You’ll need v good and reliable childcare plus one or two good friends who could be standby for silly situations like this. But 500miles does seem pretty hard to make work from what you’ve said