If your a single parent can you work away 500 miles for a day.

[Sheldonsheher]

I have a send child and another child in primary.
my send child is often refusing school or being sent home ( almost once every week or twice).
Work is harassing me to either move nearer or hybrid. I had thought to offer a day month. But I’m now thinking this is not feasible because send child may be sent home. If public transport fails I will be stuck far away.
No family support near me.
Feels too risky or am I being defeatist?
I have not even tried to find someone who could do this maybe it’s a non starter?

This is part of the reason also why I decided not to move back or take a job with a big commute. Because if you get stuck in the traffic as you say I have no local back up.

So is the written agreement not a flexible working request? This over rules your contract if it’s been accepted.

Hi,
you don’t say how old the DC are.
I would not have been able to do this when my DC were younger and to be honest, I have only now gone away overnight with a teen and a young adult at home to look after the teen. And not regularly.
Is there a union you can ask? You have written agreement for your arrangement so you need legal advice on whether this counts as an update to the contract.
When DC were younger, I did have a lovely childminder who looked after them in the house a couple of days a week after school so I could work late. When I was in hospital in an emergency, she stayed over with them. She was a godsend, because my youngest who did not cope with formal childcare was fine with her and she was great with him. So I think of there is such a person locally, then you could make it work.

Primary school age cant be in house on own

I have union advice but they have been supporting but not really pushing. I might get legal advice I think.

I think I would do that if you can afford it, even an hour to find out where you stand and what your options are from an employment lawyer would be helpful.
I wouldn’t leave my teen on his own, never mind primary school. I sympathise, it’s a long haul until they are older. I hope you can find a solution.
I am guessing moving closer is not an option? Not where you used to live but somewhere more commutable.

I have considered moving closer but not too close as it’s not a great area. Then there is the potential to have to commute into work more often if they keep moving Goal posts and to get stuck on roads. Also the expense of moving.
Also I have family here for dire emergency such as I was in hospital etc. However near work I have no one and children would have no back up. Also problem if abusive Ex P finds out.

Of course not. I've always been a 40 min walk from my DC's. One didn't sleep for a decade so I wasn't in any state to stretch myself. My child with SEN can only cope with me around.

I would tell them that it’s not going to happen. If they don’t agree to allow you fully remote working, I would move to a competitor - when they ask why you left, you have a perfectly valid reason.

This sounds exhausting even if it could be done.
I used to commute to London for work sometimes and would try to do it there and back in a day. It was almost a 4hr each way trip (not including delays or travelling to the actual destination once I was there).
Long days and with children you would need someone else to look after them, so you can leave early, return late. It's not a long term solution.
If it's really niche and they value you, you need to work from home with just the odd trip in. Any regular arrangement doesn't leave much leeway for problems (train distributions/child care issues etc.) and overall just stressful to navigate. Sometimes travelling itself can wipe you out before you've even started your day!

Your maths isn’t mathing…

500 miles is a ten hour commute when you average 50 miles per hour, which is very generous considering city roads, congestion etc. That’s a 20 hour round trip, minimum…

Even if your post wasn’t that clear, and you mean a 500 mile round trip, opposed to 500 miles each way, that is still 10-12 hours commuting, plus a work shift.

You would be out the house 20 hours at least. Is this correct?

In which case unless you park the kids at GP’s or very loyal friends to do the full morning, school runs, evening and bedtime routine, then of course it would not work.

Are you flying?

You could talk to some agencies, there might be someone who's prepared to do it as a nanny role. You'd obviously have to pay them every time, whether child is sent home or not, but that isn't that important as it'll be a long day of wraparound either way. And you may have more luck offering it fortnightly than once a month.

I think it would be more robust to have someone paid and lined up than relying on family or friends doing favours, unless you have cast iron family support. But more expensive obviously.

Can you afford to find a qualified nanny type and employ them permanently one day a week, whether you are away or not? They could perhaps do housekeeping if not needed for nannying but it does mean they would become part of the household for SEN one and would give you the flexibility to deal with your employer.

Nanny could gradually ease into doing more with the kids as they become much familiar with her. With puberty in the horizon, having an alternative adult already in the house regularly may prove useful.

How about agreeing to go in every other week. And get a nanny to do that day. The whole wrap around offering. That is what you need.

Thanks. I’m pretty worn out already working full time with out of ours cover for work and single parent. I’m not keen on the travelling but was wondering if better than finding a local job which involved daily commute and holiday care difficulties. I never thought of employing someone every week and only going away for one so that is an idea I supppse. Not every other week that would kill me off. Thanks

If you’re in a niche job that gives you a high income you can afford to be creative in how you approach this. It sounds as if you can do with more help anyway. There are jobs like nanny/ PA/ housekeeper where the balance of the role changes day to day, week to week.

If your job is niche and well rewarded, this is a good way forward. Help with home/ life/ school admin either side of the commute, just as you’d have executive assistance in your professional role, makes a lot more possible. If you’re a very high earner, travel first class rail. It makes a huge difference in terms of having a comfortable lounge to wait in during inevitable train delays, where you can also work, and having a comfortable journey so you don’t spend hours standing and squashed against a loo door or luggage rack (you can tell I’ve done this!) If you arrive home after a relatively comfortable commute, you’re much better able to parent your children and meet their additional needs effectively.

There are agencies who can recruit this kind of employee for you or you can design a role and advertise yourself and get a nanny tax organisation to help you with the PAYE, they can handle any combinations of hours, overnights and the annual leave entitlement. The hours can be weekly or annualised so that a person might live in while you’re commuting away but do fewer/ no hours on other days. It also might be a good idea to define the role you need, and then ask around locally as well as advertising. Also consider job share applicants who might cover each others annual leave or if you are using an agency, say you will need help with leave cover.

I’m a single parent to two kids, one with Sen, who is in mainstream but gets sent home sometimes.

I do an 80 mile commute by car then train then tube roughly once a month and, even with the much shorter distance, it’s a bit of a nightmare.

Earliest that I can drop kids is 7.30 so any travel delays at all on the way in means that I’m late for a 9am start, luckily I have flexibility but it is frustrating. Coming home my latest pickup is 6 which doesn’t work with the timings so my parents or my ex have to pick up those days and babysit until I get home. A couple of times a year travel is very delayed, and it ends up well into the evening.

I’ve twice had to leave in the middle of work to dash back because one of the kids needed me. Once, had to get a friend to pickup a poorly child and have them for 3 hours which is quite an ask!

So it doesn’t work very well basically, even at 80 miles. Id think 500 miles would be impossible.

Just to add about the challenging behaviour and SEND. Obviously SEND isn’t a diagnosis and covers lots of possible issues. If you have an intervention plan, designed by an appropriate professional or MDT, a nanny can work from this. You might also need to have paperwork in place with school to explain that your employer can collect unwell when you’re not there. Depending on your children’s needs, it sound as if it would be a good idea to have handover days and work alongside each other first, but if you’re a highly paid professional, yes, there are people who do this and you can hire them.

Depends 100% on the person you hire.

Yes it can work if you pay a childminder/nanny to take care of everything then you are away. I wouldn't expect it be a cheap arrangement though.

I'm a lone parent and there's no way I would do this without proper and reliable support in place (with a back up option in case your usual childcare is sick/away).

Choosing to do this would be an absolute last resort for me though if I'm honest.

I am surprised that you estimate 4-5hrs to do 500 miles though.

I've been travelling just over 300miles quite a bit lately, and it's taken anywhere from 4.5 - 7.5hrs just for one direction.

But contacts can change due to business need. The company just needs to provide sufficient notice.

OP I’m a lone parent in a well paid career. I wouldn’t be doing this without really reliable childcare. I had a live in nanny for ten years for this reason then went into the private system for SEN DD who could flexi board there.

I would consider taking this to HR for a discussion if I was you if you can’t find good reliable childcare. I would tell them I’m feeling penalised for being a lone parent and you want the remote contract formalised. It still won’t change the fact you still probably need to be there a few times a year though I assume.

You need to move to the borough where your job is or find a new job. I’d struggle with this working arrangement and I’m not a single mum. 500 miles is further than Newcastle to Cornwall.

OP, could you find someone locally who would do three long days one week a month for you, go to the office Monday to Wednesday that week and have them move into your home?

Would that satisfy work (have you triple checked you need to appease them given WFH is contracted/written). If they knew they will lose you, would they still ask?

It oddly may be more affordable than a part time nanny weekly, and may suit a local parent to earn well in a condensed way (the wage offered for the three days would have to be v competitive).

Suggesting as it’s something some of my peers did when doing shift work (though they often had to do it weekly).

I would look at seeing if you can find - and afford - someone local to offer regular (weekly) help with childcare and housekeeping a day a week, plus an overnight once a month. Then your DC could get to know them, they can be lift some of the housekeeping load plus cover the day a month.

It depends if you can afford it, and find someone suitable, but if it is a well paid niche job it might be worth trying.