My disrespectful teenagers

[really14]

Anyone going through the same ??
I have 2 teen girls ages 13 & 15

they are not ALL bad but some things truly hurt me. They are in their room all time time unless at school. They come down for a drink or food.
I don’t get a “good morning mum” and they don’t say goodnight or anything before they go to bed (they disappear and go to bed to sleep before me)

I ask them to come out with me weather it’s shopping or for a walk etc and most of the time it’s a no unless it benefits them or it’s to a restaurant. They put me down sometimes and I’m trying my best. I’m always there to defend them at school etc. I’ve really got their back.

if I’m upset or having a low day or I cry they show no feelings no warmth nothing.

they go to my parents sometimes and they will do everything with them!! Really suck up to them because my parents spoil them. (They’ve got money) I feel not good enough. Not liked.
my eldest is obsessed with her phone. Always on it so sometimes ill take it and ill say to her come to the real world. Come spend time with your family. Let’s have a conversation. But no she sees me as the devil
honestly I feel like a stranger in my own house

Stop paying for their phones! I also had a few bumps in the road with my teens, one week of confiscated mobiles solved the problem. I live by the mantra of 'say what you mean and mean what you say'. Works a treat and you usually have to carry out a threat once or twice for them to register that you mean business.

It wasn't the suggestion of linking up with other women - it was the fact it was specifically about transpeople at times which was irrelevant to the first post

Of course OP should form friendships and meet up with other women she shares interests with

There was no suggestion in OP that she's GC or any mention of trans issues (like there was conflict because she held a different opinion to her DD) but the first poster decided to bring transpeople in for no apparent reason and it was just odd

You failed to mentioned a very important detail: what is the relationship like with their father ?

Start being unavailable. I Know that sounds counterproductive when you’re trying to have more time with them, but being unavailable sometimes will shift things and rebalance respect.

They’re old enough to start doing more.
leave a pizza in the fridge on Saturday and ask them to sort themselves out as you’re going out.
Go for a walk on Sunday morning and tell them to get their washing going if they want clean clothes for the week.
If they do it, show them you’re impressed, if not, leave them to it.
Once they realise you don’t have to do anything for them and you have your own life too, they’ll realise they can’t take you for granted.
Balance that with cooking their favourite meal one day, buy them a treat, offer to take them for shopping and a hot chocolate.

I could also mention running clubs or yoga. Women being concerned about safeguarding isn't a niche issue you know. Frankly she could probably do with talking to her daughters about this as it directly effects them.

There's literally no reason to bring trans issues into this thread....

Parent them!

With respect, womens rights WERE around long before trans issues. Women have supported each other and made changes collectively since forever. The OP sounds like she's quite low and I am allowed to make suggestions which could be helpful unlike others on this thread who have been pretty hurtful towards her. Why not go for them? Oh hang on....

But others have been helpful on this thread, the replies are in keeping with the further posts from the OP. Aggressive and hysterical. They've been removed which is very telling isn't it?

Again

Bringing trans issues and women's rights into the thread with no link to them at all is uncalled for and unnecessary. By all means suggest OP gets a hobby or makes some new friends but bringing specific issues into a thread is just throwing your agenda around and isn't helpful

OP has behaved badly, resorting to insulting and crazy rants at posters, being quite hurtful themselves...

any advice for someone who has a 12 year old dd who is showing all the signs of this teenage behavoir, she does say good night but is frequently angry miserable and stroppy. Will it end sooner if she started puberty earlier?????
i cant take 6 years of this....fingers crossed!!!!

OP, if you're bursting into tears whilst doing the cooking things must be pretty bad. You need support from someone experienced, not your daughters.

Not saying good morning or wanting to come on a walk is entirely normal teen behaviour.

As Nora Ephron said, if you live with teenagers, get a dog - at least someone will be pleased to see you. It is a horrible, but quite normal phase. My eldest was Kevin the teenager on steroids. He’s now the most delightful young man, and is nice to his mum! Keep the faith. It will get better.

The bits that struck me are the putting you down, and not Even a good morning, good night. I wouldn’t tolerate that.

I think when it comes to people that don't treat you with respect the more you try to appease them the less respect they to have for you. Therefore I agree with the PP who advised you to go and do things for yourself and connect with other people. They might come to have more respect for you if they can see that you are your own multifaceted person and not just their support human.

Crying in front of your kids isn't ideal but shit happens and most of us do it sometimes. I think you have to be realistic about teenagers finding this awkward and try to breezily brush it off rather than expecting sympathy.

My wonderful caring daughter turned 12. Overnight she was mean, uncaring and spoilt. For a year or so we battled as I decided I wasn’t going to let her away with it. Eventually I decided I was going to be the adult and step back. Pick your fights, praise the tiny things and let the rest slide (unless it’s swearing or physical). We didn’t have phones in those days so I can’t help with that. Eventually she came back to the lovely girl she always was.

I think you need to stop taking it all so personally - that might sound harsh at face value, but it’s not meant to be. It was the thing I found that made the most difference.

Find new ways to challenge and communicate - with them, for example humour can often do more to get through to teenagers.

It’s a life stage and like every other that you dealt with before, it’s adapting parenting to meet it.

They can be emotionally volatile and oscillate between mindsets, sometimes seeming much younger, other times older, be curious and try and tune in to where they are at.

Don’t compare their relationship with others, like DGP, that’s normal as well and would be if they didn’t have money.

You are the main one they need to push against as part of healthy separation, independence and their development into young adult women.

I'm glad our teens aren't like this from the 2 year old to the 15 always get a hug and love you before bed still..love nothing more than the 2 or 3 evenings a week we will chill chat, laugh together...weekends usually Sundays we have a fun filled family day, yes they will go off with there friends or to other families for visits but it's very rare if I say fancy coming with your dad and I that they won't shortly return back home..Nothing to do with money they have been brought up to enjoy a balanced view of family time and gadgets same way me and my siblings were brought up so probably why we a close family.