My disrespectful teenagers

[really14]

Anyone going through the same ??
I have 2 teen girls ages 13 & 15

they are not ALL bad but some things truly hurt me. They are in their room all time time unless at school. They come down for a drink or food.
I don’t get a “good morning mum” and they don’t say goodnight or anything before they go to bed (they disappear and go to bed to sleep before me)

I ask them to come out with me weather it’s shopping or for a walk etc and most of the time it’s a no unless it benefits them or it’s to a restaurant. They put me down sometimes and I’m trying my best. I’m always there to defend them at school etc. I’ve really got their back.

if I’m upset or having a low day or I cry they show no feelings no warmth nothing.

they go to my parents sometimes and they will do everything with them!! Really suck up to them because my parents spoil them. (They’ve got money) I feel not good enough. Not liked.
my eldest is obsessed with her phone. Always on it so sometimes ill take it and ill say to her come to the real world. Come spend time with your family. Let’s have a conversation. But no she sees me as the devil
honestly I feel like a stranger in my own house

Honestly if you down tools, say no to everything and only buy plain foods, no treats, (halving my food bill,) the shock is sycemic.
After doing in for several days some years ago and letting it really hit home, even just a hint of me saying clearly they needed another dose of it was enough for them to be sharply brought to their senses.
My children are spoiled, but not stupid.
Self interest effects far greater change in teens than anything else.
Nothing like strictly ingredient only shopping to tip mine over the edge, and back in line.

NEVER HAVE I SAID I WANT MY KIDS TO HELP MY MENTAL HEALTH IR SOOTHE ME WHAT ARE YOU ALL ON ABOUT!??????????????

ASKING THEM TO DO THINGS AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF MY SAD TIMES!!!!! YOUVE PUT 2 AND 2 TOGETHER AND GOT 10

NEVER DID I SAY I CRY ALL THE TIME!!! OR EXPECT THEM TO PARENT ME. WHAT THE HELL !!!!
MY POST SHOWS IM TRYING TO PARENT THEM.
IF MY MUM WAS SAD ABOUT ANYTHING ID AT LEAST ASK IF SHE WAS OK. IT TEACHES EMPATHY & TOGETHERNESS
YOU LOT ARE MAD
WISH I NEVER SEEKED SUPPORT.
you’ve all made up your on little story. Weird.

Well said OP! Comments about not letting your kids see you cry are plain weird. They sound cold and ungrateful, taking advantage of your good nature. I do hope it is a passing phase as you deserve better. They need tough love now.

It's the phones. Not entirely, but it will be playing a big part.

If they didn't have a phone, I doubt they'd disappear into their rooms for hours on end. 15 is really too late to institute rules around this, so I'm not sure what to suggest. At the very least, all phones need to be charged outside their rooms at night from, say 10pm onwards. What rules do you currently have regarding phone use?

Maybe they're staying out of your way if this is how you react on a daily basis

Very over the top responses to people giving you advice

"if I’m upset or having a low day or I cry they show no feelings no warmth nothing."

Just because they don't show emotions doesn't mean they don't have them. Most teenagers would feel stressed when they see their parents feeling low and don't know how to handle it so withdraw. You can't expect them to act like friends- they are still very young. I think you need friends to talk to for support.

Being phone obsessed is normal too but you get to draw the line. My 15 and 12 year old ds hand me their phones every evening. They always say good night etc because they are taught to do so. You seem to have forgotten that you are the parent! It's for you to set the rules; if you want them to say good night before going to bed (which is very normal) then tell them! You seem so helpless while you are the one who is supposed to be "in power"; setting rules and guiding your girls in how to behave in society which starts with behaviour at home.

Not surprised the OP is emotional when treated like that. Teenagers are perfectly capable of empathy

My miserable little shit is currently in his bedroom, age 15.
He does sports three nights a week, has friends, and does some semblance of school work for periods in the evening. It’s very hard it takes a lot of adjusting but you just have to leave them crack on.

Again… another made up story??? How would u know if I act like this on a daily basis??? You jobs worth busy person. Daily basis LOL calm down

On the face of it, they are teenagers and teenagers can be rude, stroppy and annoying.

The good news is that give it a few years and they will come out the other side.

In the meantime, stop trying to socialise with them, go and socialise with your own friends and start to forge your own life and interests.

At some point they will be off to uni or working and independent from you. How do you envisage your life in years to come?

Jobsworthy?
Lol

You sound deranged OP
I'd be avoiding you as well to be honest 🤣

I agree with@Haaaruuuumph. Your reaction on this post is way over the top. Maybe your kids think you're a bit deranged and so keep out of your way?

Can I ask why they need defending at school? Your job isn’t to be their friend, it’s to ensure they get a good education and they learn respect.

What rules do you set? It’s your home and they’re still kids - if you want them to say goodnight before they go up, tell them. Sounds like they need more responsibility.

<backs slowly away from OP>

Ofcourse they are. But they don't necessarily know how to show it. And if they often see their mum sad it might be too much for them so they withdraw. We shouldn't lean on our children for emotional support- atleast not before they are adults.

At 13 and 15 your children are old enough to have some basic manners. Has saying goodnight always been a thing on your household though OP? Things like this have to be instilled from small.

I think as teenagers they should learn empathy asking if their mother is OK! My child is 10 and he would ask me if I was OK. Does your youngest not want to engage in the cinema?

You've had some good advice here. No need to be snippy

This

Your overreaction like this to suggestions that you overreacting and being overemotional at home is stressing them out and making them uncomfortable just proves the point. Your crying might be making them shut down. Don't parentify your kids. They are not there to be your emotional support or fill your social needs, those aren't reasonable expectations of teens. Chill.

You sound like a lovely caring mum. You have every right to expect basic manners. Your teens sound like mine who is 14 and quite frankly a rude, inconsiderate antisocial PITA. I am SO bored of of modelling good behaviour but do it on autopilot. If I get upset occasionally it's good for her to realise the universe doesn't revolve around her and her phone.

Her sister and brother were exactly the same, the eldest became human again at 17, ds is taking a bit longer but can be warm and friendly occasionally.

Be nice to yourself.

Most other posters on this thread sound weird.

You sound like a lovely caring mum. You have every right to expect basic manners. Your teens sound like mine who is 14 and quite frankly a rude, inconsiderate antisocial PITA. I am SO bored of of modelling good behaviour but do it on autopilot. If I get upset occasionally it's good for her to realise the universe doesn't revolve around her and her phone.

Her sister and brother were exactly the same, the eldest became human again at 17, ds is taking a bit longer but can be warm and friendly occasionally.

Be nice to yourself.

Most other posters on this thread sound weird.

Yes

They'll learn their mother only wants them around to boost her own ego and for her own emotional needs

And then they'll go even more to the grandparents who already spoil them and get all the treats (and emotional support they need themselves) there...