To not be able to get over what happened at work

[Ereerenownow]

Hi, I was badly bullied at work for a long time. I was falsely accused continuously of doing and saying things I hadn't said and done, even when people came forward to defend me and tell the truth. My manager was a major part of the problem and he encouraged other members of the team to act against me and to work together to exclude me etc. It was all horrendous and I ended up having to have counselling which did help and I got some amazing advice and guidance from acas. So, things reached a head a couple of weeks ago and someone tried to falsely accused me again and I snapped and went to hr. This resulted in a huge team meeting where lots of things came out and when I found out the manager was egging people on to be vile to me and he would slag me off in other people's 1 to 1s. It ended up with lots of apologies to me and my manager was put on a warning. It seems on the surface that all is sorted but I am so angry. I am still being excluded from team conversations, a couple of colleagues are clearly peed off that they've been called out etc. But overall things seem to have calmed down. However, I am so bloody angry that I had to go through all this. I am furious and can't seem to calm down when people who I know went out of their way to destroy me are now smiling at me saying good morning. I know I am still being excluded from team events and meetings etc so it's not all perfect but I want to scream at these people that they're awful even if they're currently pretending to be nice to me...sorry for the rant and over long explanation, i dont even know what im trying to say, I feel wrung out and exhaused as well as a little fragile. I am looking for a new job but there isn't much where I live. One colleague in particular is always talking about how kind and good he is, volunteering at a local charity etc and always putting inspirational quotes on his insta account but he was one of the worst offenders, often saying that he was protecting people from me..but I hadn't done anything and he could never say what i was supposed to have done!! I am quiet and keep myself to myself...sorry, im stopping now. Thanks for reading

Have you considered speaking to an employment lawyer? You might want to. They can advise on how to manage the situation and also how to exit on your terms rather than being forced out. You definitely need to go off sick with severe work stress.

I'm in a similar but different situation. Grievance has gone in against my team leader. I have no intention of going back and my lawyer is advising me how to manage with a view to negotiating a settlement in due course. I want them to have to commit large amounts of management time to investigating the grievance first though.

A SAR request is an excellent idea.
By email to HR, making it very clear that you are requesting all data that is held by the organisation about you.
Provide a copy of your ID like a passport in your request.
It is a statutory obligation that they have to agree to I believe.
As so many are involved it would be excellent extra documentation of their behaviour towards you.
It will also show them you mean business.

Job market is terrible at the moment in general! Hopefully though the OP is in an industry that the market is good.

I would definitely file the grievance if you allow him to get away with it he will just carry on and you could save others from going through the same thing someone else may not come out of it in one piece if you get where I'm going. Use that anger and take it as high as you can .

Brilliant that you have these appointments booked, try to also book some fun stuff, tickets for firework display? Massage at local beauty place?

Don't kid yourself. They're all toxic. Find something else

For me, I knew it would never get any better. Seniors know what’s happening but because people are too scared to put it in writing it continues.
My MH has been severely impacted but they don’t care. The sooner I get out, the sooner I can start my recovery.

It is a horrible experience and one that can take time to recover from.

It can feel really unfair that people who caused so much damage get to walk away seemingly unscathed, whilst you have to pick up the pieces of your self-esteem.

Unfortunately this is happening in workplaces around the UK. So many people just leave their workplaces, broken and I get it, you've spent so much time managing the harrasment and bullying that a fight for justice seems like a huge mountain.

Taking time off might help whilst you consider your next steps. For example, If you want to leave, what is the possibility of leaving with a financial settlement. Your union and/or a solicitor can advise you on this.
If you want to stay, what would have to change and what are the possibilities of your employer implementing those changes and supporting you.

You may want to consider getting legal advice in order to create a strategy whereby you negotiate a settlement that includes a reference and a sum of money. The money will give you breathing space to recover from what is essentially a traumatic experience, whilst the reference is guaranteed once you're ready to look for a new position.

Sadly I'm seeing this more and more and I do not see this behaviour stopping in the near future.

I hope that you have a solid support system outside of work who will validate your feelings and concerns. This will make a very difficult time much easier if you have people to lean on.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I've recently been subject to horrific discrimination and bullying at work too. I've raised a grievance about it all. If you can do raise a grievance and take yourself on sick leave, prioritise your mental health. Sending love, hope things work out for you OP.

There’s no way I’d be grinning and bearing it in there after what you’ve been through. Take some time off, whilst looking for something else. But actually I think they should be held properly accountable, could it be a constructive dismissal case with what they’ve done to you? Best of luck x

@Ereerenownow how are things now? Been thinking about you.

I'd be effing angry in your place. The upset and resulting anger can't just go away just like that.

Hi thank you for enquiring. After i started this thread I went to my doctors who gave me a sick note for work related stress. I am currently off and I feel good. Iam looking for another job but I may have to go back to this one at some point. The good news is that I had joined a union and although it was tight, my local rep agreed to support me as I had been a member for just enough time. I had an excellent meeting with my rep and he helped me write everything down...incidents, dates, those involved, emails ..everything. we both now have a pretty lengthy document with timelines and some pretty distressing details of incidents. He believes there is more than enough there to put in a grievance against my manager and at least 1 colleague, possibly 2. I have decided to have a couple more weeks just relaxing and I have arranged to meet my rep after that to decide whether I want to proceed or not. I have mixed feelings about this but I am also full of relief that I have someone on my side and who has agreed to weekly check ins if I decide to go back. I ferl a massive weight lifted though I obviously have some thinking to do. I want to thank everyone for their support,you don't know how much it meant to me xx

So delighted to read this.
Whether you stay or not, it is so well worth submitting the grievance.
Its a powerful document about the culture there and I can tell you they will not like its existence.

When my friend submitted her absolute horror story of what had occurred, naming names over 10 years, that now name checked directors that were now top management, how she had sought advice and support for horrendous bullying, all backed by emails and careful notes, boy did they balk.

She kept refusing any mediation/arbitration, whatsoever with her persecutor's making it very clear to them that she wanted her day at the Labour court.

Every single thing was upheld because there was no way they wanted the huge publicity it would bring their way.
She still works there, on her terms.
She reserves the right to resubmit her Grievance if anyone so much as looks sideways at her, and they know.
Things have improved there hugely, largely due to a new HR director that was genuinely appalled by her mistreatment.

Take your time OP.
Please let us know how things go for you.

@Ereerenownow so pleased to read your positive update and that you are taking some
time to look after yourself.

I need to write a timeline myself but I’ve been putting it off because it’s so upsetting.

It was really difficult when I did mine. Quite a few tears but I would encourage you to do it as soon as you can. I wish I had done mine sooner while it was all a bit fresher in my mind xx

OP it sounds like you are doing great. Don’t rush back, continue resting and restoring

The outcome was not good enough, as evidently the damage had well and truly been done and cannot now be reversed, and to add insult to injury, these horrible bullies who made your life absolute hell have literally got away with their behaviour scot free, and will no doubt move on to their next victim(s) once an appropriate time has lapsed, these types just cannot help themselves.

I would get in touch with the citizens advice bureau because you deserve some sort of compensation and the perpetrators should at the very least should've all been fired!

Go on long term sick if you get paid for it. Tell them u have ptsd and anxiety from facing these people on a daily basis and management still not giving you your place. It won’t be a lie, you will have to deal with this long term. Absolute bully bastards I would hit them where it hurts, in their pocket. I feel really bad for you.

Exactly this .you will thank yourself down the line for not going back.