To not be able to get over what happened at work

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Hi, I was badly bullied at work for a long time. I was falsely accused continuously of doing and saying things I hadn't said and done, even when people came forward to defend me and tell the truth. My manager was a major part of the problem and he encouraged other members of the team to act against me and to work together to exclude me etc. It was all horrendous and I ended up having to have counselling which did help and I got some amazing advice and guidance from acas. So, things reached a head a couple of weeks ago and someone tried to falsely accused me again and I snapped and went to hr. This resulted in a huge team meeting where lots of things came out and when I found out the manager was egging people on to be vile to me and he would slag me off in other people's 1 to 1s. It ended up with lots of apologies to me and my manager was put on a warning. It seems on the surface that all is sorted but I am so angry. I am still being excluded from team conversations, a couple of colleagues are clearly peed off that they've been called out etc. But overall things seem to have calmed down. However, I am so bloody angry that I had to go through all this. I am furious and can't seem to calm down when people who I know went out of their way to destroy me are now smiling at me saying good morning. I know I am still being excluded from team events and meetings etc so it's not all perfect but I want to scream at these people that they're awful even if they're currently pretending to be nice to me...sorry for the rant and over long explanation, i dont even know what im trying to say, I feel wrung out and exhaused as well as a little fragile. I am looking for a new job but there isn't much where I live. One colleague in particular is always talking about how kind and good he is, volunteering at a local charity etc and always putting inspirational quotes on his insta account but he was one of the worst offenders, often saying that he was protecting people from me..but I hadn't done anything and he could never say what i was supposed to have done!! I am quiet and keep myself to myself...sorry, im stopping now. Thanks for reading

Thank you, I'll start looking today and update my cv..xx

OP you say that you don’t have support but you have us, the support of mumsnet can be a huge help, keep talking. Let us know how the meeting with rep goes

It sounds like you could take the company to an industrial tribunal on the basis of constructive dismissal. Like others I agree you need time off with the stress of the situation you have been dealing with. The company sounds truly awful and they have been awful regarding the situations you have had to put up with. Firms often want to avoid the bad publicity of a tribunal so you see what out of court settlement they are willing to pay out. All the best wishes getting a new job. It sounds like going on holiday could help.

Thank you so much xx

Thank you, taking some time off is starting to look more and more tempting xx

Great to hear you are in the union.
Definitely tell them everything.
Do not play down the terrible effect "mob bullying" has had on your mental/ general health.
Tell your GP too so it is documented.

We are here for you, so post away.
Your reaction to this is totally normal, do NOT forget that.

The grievance route can be very powerful, especially as you have proof and documentation.

My friend kept refusing to accept mediation of the grievance and said she wanted to go to the Labour Court.
They did not want it to come out, exactly how poorly the company behaved.
She was offered a generous redundancy package to settle.
Keep that in mind when you are submitting your grievance.
The worse the behaviour you document and can back up the better.
We are here for you.

Go to the doctors for a breather.

Thank you, good advice xx

Can you get signed off for stress, look for another job elsewhere and look at suing them for bullying and stress in the workplace? Sounds horrific!

I feel for you, I was in a similar situation and eventually forced out when I got a sick note for 3 weeks. I would definitely not look to continue gracing them with your skills. Glad HR seemed to have the right approach for you and now it’s on their radar which will hopefully shit them up a bit about any further allegations of bullying. Hang in there!

Hi OP. I really feel for you. I went through something similar myself. Went through the union, filed a grievance - I didn't actually go the constructive dismissal/tribunal route but I made sure that my employer knew that wasn't off the table iyswim. I got a huge settlement and used it to retrain. Your union should take this as a personal case and support you. It's also pretty appalling that your employer hasn't offered support, given what they acknowledge you've been subjected to. Please bear in mind that you have incredible strength to have survived thus far. You've got this.

Why are people allowed to behave like this! My son is in a similar situation where an allegation has been made about him. The allegation was made 3 months ago and he was only spoken to last week and then suspended! For the last 3 months he has continued to work with this person without a problem. Last week he was hauled into an investigation meeting and suspended, to be honest it’s an issue which should not have led to suspension, he could have been moved pending the outcome. The long and the short is HR have been absolutely the pits, they don’t return his calls, there’s been no welfare checks which they’re supposed to do! This is a large international retail chain! Reading between the lines we believe the store manager who has moved on has been egging this staff member on to complain but can’t prove it!

ACAS, if he doesn't have a union.

I did the same after relentless bullying by my boss when I was pregnant. Went to HR and showed them the transcript I had of the things he's said, and told them they had a choice - pay me off or I'd be taking him through the grievance procedure. I walked away with enough money to keep me going for a year while I set up a freelance business.

Added: they got rid of him a little while after I left because they knew he was a liability.

OP, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had a similar thing where I called out my boss for bullying behaviours and spoke out about similar issues I was witnessing. I was then made a complete scapegoat, isolated and so many awful and completely untrue rumours were spread about me. I found a new job but it has affected me going forward. I took time off at the end of my old job but in reality it would have been impossible to go back to work out my notice as my boss was unbelievably hard to work with, would have (and did) make my life miserable. A while later I went to a solicitor who said I would have had a case if I’d gone to them within 3 months of this all happening. I should have raised a grievance but I had no idea what I was doing. If I were you I’d raise a grievance, document EVERYTHING and take it further, you have already some proof that there has been an issue. You have my biggest sympathy and support. I found and still find it very hard to believe or understand that people behave like that

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. I've just been through virtually the same. I'd absolutely encourage you to log a written grievance as per your company's internal procedure. If you bullet point a timeline of what has happened and copy it into chat GPT it will format a proper complaint for you with all the relevant points of law/procedure. It may make you feel better and give you a frame of reference when speaking to your union representative. In the end I had to walk away from my job as it was so toxic but I have 2 years salary after tax to give me some space to recover.

Hi OP, oh I want to sit you down and make you a big mug of tea or any other drink you fancy. It sounds as if you have already been given some good advice especially re taking some sick leave to allow your mind some respite from having to go in and be with those nasty but pathetic people. Then hopefully when you are feeling somewhat restored you can start to plan your exit via a new job. It won't ever feel right working there, you will always be on edge or at least wary and on the look out for it all to start up again. I got a new job when I was bullied at work. I had never been bullied before so it took me a while to realise all the small acts of nastiness which were at first so ambigous that I kept questioning myself and even thinking I deserved to be treated like that. It escalated of course because these people are never satisfied. Work place bullies like school bullies are very adept at finding a target. Anyway I left, went on to get a much better job where I was promoted and earned more money. The bully found a new target and this poor person made an attempt to end their life. That always sticks in my mind, work place bullying is very serious so please look after yourself and start planning your exit, take care

The labour courts are very effective when cases are well documented.
Companies know this.

Remember to write your grievance in a way that details maximum trauma and upset to you.

Imagine completely fresh uninvolved/ unconnected eyes reviewing it.

If it reads like a shit show that has left you with devastated mental health and stress, and the company knowingly allowed you to be treated badly and unsupported, they will rule.

I have a legal friend who deals with this sort of thing and she said Labour Courts rule so that HR departments deal with bullshit effectively in a timely manner, rather than going through the court system which will be reported publicly and censure them with an award against them.

Detailed note taking is priceless if you feel you are being treated poorly in a company, preferably from the very first incident.

Many years ago when was in mid management local government I learned about a horrible case of mobbing. A person in authority had played a nasty trick on one of his team and encouraged other staff members to be in on it. He had even bragged of his actions which is how I got to hear of it. It is the only time I have ever snitched in a work place. However this was gross industrial misconduct and I felt I had no choice but to tip off my boss. He investigated and the affair was jusdged so serious that it went to the top of the organization. The person responsibe for the mobbing was disciplined and put on a writted warning. He was lucky not to be dismissed.

See how much sick pay you get and take some time out, I’m surprised your HR didn’t suggest this to you. While you are off put your feelers out for another job. It must be horrendous working like that. I do feel for you.

Am so sorry you were a victim of such a nasty bullying campaign. I do hope you get out of there, the trust has gone for you. Hold your head up high tho, you're worth a million more than these people who took part. I totally get your anger, I would be too, but it will pass, esp when you get out of there and never look back. Sending hugs.

Omg, what you have been through is ABSALUTELY HORRENDOUS.

No wonder you are exhausted, you have have been through a multitude of horrendous experiences because you were targeted.

You are a survivor

If any one starts on you, inform HR right away and report them for harassment.

it takes longer for prejudice to subside for some people but from now on you need to protect your MH and warn anyone who tries to push you too far they will be reported for harassment.

Its natural to be angry.

Cover yourself with your workload, so they can't use it against you and remember you are past the worst of it and you have done amazingly well to have got this far and to still be holding it together.

I desperately wanted to take some sick leave but I knew that nobody would pick up
my work and it would be worse when I got back.
I don’t know how I got through those days. I was just putting one foot in front of the other.
The original bully taught her replacement and she picked up where the other left off, though to a lesser degree - sure she feels emboldened by what the original did.
The whole culture is toxic.

I can’t wait to leave.

I had a similar situation two years ago but I was the manager and the bully was one of my newly hired staff. The more I ignored it, the worse it became. She went to my supervisors and my supervisors supervisor to complain the she didn't like way I ran my department. Because of HR secrecy, I was never allowed to know what she actually said so I really could not defend myself. I may have seemed unfazed to others but the situation was causing lost sleep, anxiety and the stress was overwhelming. She was talking about me to everyone who would listen and trashing the reputation I have taken many years to build. I was devastated. Never in my 28 years of work have I ever had one complaint. Nor have I since.

She left after several months and the whole department breathed a sigh of relief. I am certain that I would have had to leave if she had remained. I could not have stood the stress.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

hi im sorry you are going through this and i fully sympathise as i have been through something similar in the school i work in. I trusted someone at work and they completely stabbed me in the back so i no longer trust anyone (they eventuallly had to leave though its unclear why but HR were involved). I do my job, im professional and i go home, thats it and its how i cope with the toxic environment. always be careful of those like your colleagute who loudly claim to be kind and compassionate, i have found these are the worst and they hide behind inspirational quotes and memes whilst perpetuatingt the worst kind of bullying, they'll probably talk about self care and use this as an excuse to exclude you and to try and make you feel like shit. i hope things get better for you