fell out with freinds gf i believe shes being controlling

[ReapersSideKick]

so me and my freind have been freinds for about 4 years she started dating somebody a couple of years ago only once have me and my freind met up without her gf being present ive always let it go because i dont like confrontation and i knew it would only open a can of worms if i said anything but over the last few weeks its got worse if my freinds gf has something planned with a freind of hers or family member me and my freind will arrange something her gf will then cancel her plans and come with us so last thursday i spoke to her about it saying me and my freind should be able to make plans without her always being there at first said we were all freinds and thats why she always wanted to go with us i said no sorry im freinds with your gf weve been freinds since before you started dating your gf should be able to spend time with her freinds without her gf always having to be there she accused me of picking on her then accused me of bad mouthing her freinds which wasnt true its her thats being doing that saying that theres a couple shes freind with who dont make a good couple she makes fun of the way one of them walks behind her back etc but shes went back and told her freinds its been me thats doing this then today she played victim on the bus i heard them both on bus didnt speak to each other but she tried to make out she was scared to walk past me when getting off as if i would have done something to her although i didnt even look at them i only knew they were on bus because i heard theyre voices ive never been violant shes never saw me being violant even we we argued i didnt verbally abuse her or threaten her

its hardly a new relationship it would be understandable if it was but theyve been dating for a couple of years

Then it's none of your business, interfering in someone else's relationship.

Them don’t post asking for advice if you’ve already made up your mind. Best of luck to you.

Well, then she needs to put a stop to it. It's not up to you to address it.

Turns out it wasn't so easy to understand after all then eh, @Didimum ?

theres such a thing a controlling coeversive behaviour theres nothing wrong with being concerned about a freind being treated like that

theres nothing wrong with asking what others think but i will say if you were in a similar situation where you saw a freind being treated like that i wonder how many of you would take your own advice and say none of my business if that was your attitude then shame on you your not a good freind

Well we've all said the same to you.
Stop interfering.

It’s not even that hard to understand.

OP has a friend group of three.
One friend is always bringing their partner along. Op and other friend don’t like this and worry their friend is with someone who is controlling and isolating her friend. Controlling girlfriend was confronted and said their friend should be allowed out without their partner, partner didn’t like it and is now spreading lies about OP.

The post may have been badly punctuated but it really wasn’t hard to understand.

@Group7Elite promise I'm not just trying to be a dick but I think this proves the point. There's no friend group of 3 with a gf on top. Its OP, her friend, and friend's gf. There is no "other friend". Today I found a use for ChatGPT as a PP ( @Suzypuzy ) used it to amend the post. But it's all academic as OP doesn't actually want advice.

You’re absolutely right. My bad. I look like a right twonk now don’t I? 😂
I don’t think you’re a dick either. You pointed that out in a respectful way.

I almost entered OPs post into chat gpt to repost here but I didn’t think people were actually wanting to give OP advice either and like you say, she possibly isn’t wanting it anyway.

Hey if I'm not a dick you're certainly not a twonk 😂

I think that her gf does sound a bit controlling, but i dont think any good will come out of you confronting her.

i never interefered in theyre personal stuff just said that my freind should be able to spend time with theyre freinds without her always having to be there shes able to spend time with her freinds alone but cant let my freind do that? yet im the jerk for saying something

Fuffing hell..I was reading it gabble - fashion..
It was all one paragraph.
From what I can understand from your post , the gf of your friend seems to be jealous of her spending anytime with you.

People on this site really have terrible reading comprehension. It isn't that difficult. The snarky bitches are the ones that need to go back to school.

Your friend sounds like she's got a barrel load of trouble here.
I think she might have to endure some bad behaviour from the gf if this relationship is ended by her.

AI has turned the op into English:

My friend and I have been close for about four years. She started dating her girlfriend a couple of years ago, and since then, we have only met up once without her girlfriend present.
I have always let this slide because I strongly dislike confrontation and knew that bringing it up would only open a can of worms. However, the situation has worsened over the last few weeks. If her girlfriend has plans with her own friends or family, she often cancels those plans just to join us when my friend and I try to make arrangements.
The Confrontation
Last Thursday, I finally decided to talk to her girlfriend about it. I explained that my friend and I should be able to make plans without her always being there.
Initially, she claimed she joined us because she considered us all friends. I clarified the situation, saying, "No, sorry, I am friends with your girlfriend. We were friends before you started dating. My friend should be able to spend time with her own friends without her partner constantly having to be present."
Accusations and Manipulation
She immediately became defensive. She accused me of picking on her and then falsely claimed I was bad-mouthing her friends.
In reality, she is the one who has been doing the bad-mouthing. For example, she said a couple she knows does not make a good pair, and she makes fun of the way one of them walks behind their back. However, she went back and told her friends that I was the one who said these things.
Playing the Victim
Today, she escalated the situation by playing the victim on the bus. I heard them both talking, but neither one of us spoke to the other. When they were getting off, she made a public display, trying to make it seem as if she was scared to walk past me, implying I might do something to her.
I did not even look at them; I only knew they were on the bus because I recognized their voices. I have never been violent, and she has never witnessed me being violent. Even when we had the argument last week, I did not verbally abuse or threaten her.

its one of those situations where its hard to keep your mouth shut when you can see whats going on and your freind has told you whats going on thats why i cant understand people telling me to mind my business nothing to do with me and to stop interfering i wonder if the people whove said that on this board would just sit back and see a freind be treated the same way and think oh well nothing to do with me and let them get on with that my freind didnt have much confidance before she started dating her gf but now its 0 she will have a go at my freind in front of myself and no doubt others and my freind just sits there doesnt defend herself if the gf doesnt like something or agree with something that should be talked about in private instead of embarresing her in front of others

Chat GPT helped me understand what was going on. Here’s a summary for anyone else HTH.

Here’s a clear summary:

• There are three people involved:
• The original friend (the person telling the story).
• Their friend (who has been their friend for 4 years).
• That friend’s girlfriend.
• The issue is that ever since the friend got a girlfriend, the girlfriend always comes along whenever the two friends hang out — they almost never get one-on-one time.
• Recently, it got worse: whenever the girlfriend had other plans, she’d cancel them just so she could come along when the two friends arranged to meet up.
• The person telling the story finally spoke up and said something like:
• “It’s okay for me and my friend to spend time together without you sometimes.”
• The girlfriend got defensive and said, “We’re all friends — that’s why I come,” but the person clarified, “No, I’m friends with your girlfriend — we were friends before you came along.”
• Then the girlfriend turned things around — accusing the person of picking on her and badmouthing her other friends, which wasn’t true.
• To make it worse, she went and told people that the storyteller had said nasty things about others (things the girlfriend had actually said).
• Later, on a bus, the girlfriend acted scared to walk past the storyteller, pretending she was afraid they might hurt her — even though there’s never been any violence or threat.

So, in plain terms:
👉 The girlfriend seems controlling and manipulative, trying to isolate her partner and make the storyteller look like the bad guy.
👉 The storyteller tried to calmly set a boundary but got blamed and twisted around.
👉 The situation is emotionally unfair — the girlfriend is acting like the victim to g

Agree. I dont find it too difficult to work out. I wonder if its the same people that cant understand accents too?

If someone really cant understand, then i think that probably better to just read another post and dont reply to the one you cant decipher.
Its so cringey and awkward when people take up so much space on a thread criticising an OP for that.

But what do you think confronting her GF will actually achieve?

Change needs to come from your friend, no one else, you interfering in this way will only make it worse for your friend.

You are looking at this from a purely selfish point of view, which does make you sound on the young/immature side, plenty of people on here will have friends in abusive relationships.. confronting the abuser will do nothing I'm afraid, except maybe make You feel better, while give them ammunition to get rid of you which is what has happened.

People are advising to stay out of it, not because they don't think you should say anything, but because they know 100% it will not make the situation better, if anything it will make it worse.

Your friend is the one allowing this behaviour, you can't change that.

id say sitting back and saying nothingis selfish thats the issue i have with attitudes like yours youll happilly sit back not get involved have the mentallity its not your business then if something drastic happens youll say well i didnt suspect anything was going on i didnt really know my freinds partner or they seemed nice etc its not selfish to care for and look out for somebody you care for when you see them being treated like dirt and manipulated and you know they have 0 confidance to stand up for themself ive never stated im the only one who has a freind dealing with a gf like this theres been enough in news and press etc about conrrolling partners its well documentated what kinda stuff goes on

as harsh as it sounds heres hoping if you go through this with a partner you get the support and help you need rather than attitudes like yours with people just being expected to turn a blind eye and being accused of being selfish for giving a u know what

id say sitting back and saying nothingis selfish thats the issue i have with attitudes like yours

Your reading comprehension is terrible.

Interfering by confronting the abuser is the problem here, which is what I and plenty of people on here are saying, it will change nothing but make everything worse and also isolate your friend (as she may be forced to choose between you both.. which is unfair to them), it IS selfish as the outcome of your confrontation doesn't help your friend in any way, it just serves as an outlet for your frustration.

You need to support your friend, if your friend doesn't want anything to change and is willing to accept thing the way they are then there is nothing you can do, then you need to accept that you are always going to be a three, or go at this problem through your friend to see if she wants to change things with your help and encouragements.

You cannot change the things you have no control over.