fell out with freinds gf i believe shes being controlling

[ReapersSideKick]

so me and my freind have been freinds for about 4 years she started dating somebody a couple of years ago only once have me and my freind met up without her gf being present ive always let it go because i dont like confrontation and i knew it would only open a can of worms if i said anything but over the last few weeks its got worse if my freinds gf has something planned with a freind of hers or family member me and my freind will arrange something her gf will then cancel her plans and come with us so last thursday i spoke to her about it saying me and my freind should be able to make plans without her always being there at first said we were all freinds and thats why she always wanted to go with us i said no sorry im freinds with your gf weve been freinds since before you started dating your gf should be able to spend time with her freinds without her gf always having to be there she accused me of picking on her then accused me of bad mouthing her freinds which wasnt true its her thats being doing that saying that theres a couple shes freind with who dont make a good couple she makes fun of the way one of them walks behind her back etc but shes went back and told her freinds its been me thats doing this then today she played victim on the bus i heard them both on bus didnt speak to each other but she tried to make out she was scared to walk past me when getting off as if i would have done something to her although i didnt even look at them i only knew they were on bus because i heard theyre voices ive never been violant shes never saw me being violant even we we argued i didnt verbally abuse her or threaten her

Woah why is everyone being so harsh? You have no idea who the person is posting, or why their grammar isn’t up to your standards etc. Please be kind.

If you can’t understand, find another thread to read or ask OP a question!

Ignore the people shitting on you, OP. Mumsnet is not a very nice place. I understood your post fine and you came here for advice.

I don’t think it was a good idea to approach the girlfriend directly. It was always going to ruffle feathers to confront her so directly and make her feel unwanted. Do you have evidence of whose decision it is that she comes along and that she’s being controlling? It doesn’t seem so.

You should have addressed it with your friend and you have to really take or leave her answer. You can’t control what other people do, only your reaction to it.

In my mind there's a 50% chance this post is by some fed up long in the tooth GSCE English Language teacher desperate to prove to their students that there IS a point in learning grammar and spelling even in the age of the Internet. And if I'm right then - we're all with your Mr/Mrs Jones. Don't give up on the kids!

The word for a person whose company you enjoy is F R I E N D.

My opinion is that you need to take a step back from your friend whilst also being there for her. She may be in a controlling relationship and might one day need you if it all goes to pot. Yes you should be able to meet without her partner, but don’t go off at her or you’ll seem the bad person in all of this.

I'm not one of the grammar police at all. It's an internet forum, not a job application or theses after all. I can let go the occasional spelling mistake, or grammatical error, as long as the post is clear.

Having said that, I must agree with the others. Your post is so full of errors, it is impossible to read or understand.

Jesus, Mumsnet is the nastiest place.

the only one that has interfered is the gf her gf (my freind) should be able to spend time with her freinds without her gf always being there they should be able to speak to theyre family on phone without the speaker being on they should be able to go to appointments without the gf always being there my freind has told me shes not happy with this so going on what youve said i should just tell my freind its not my business get on with it thats not a good freind in my book

It’s completely understandable. OP’s friend has a new girlfriend who comes everywhere with them. OP doesn’t like this and confronted the girlfriend about it. The girlfriend reacted badly to this and now has taken a strong disliking to the OP.

Awful how posters are reacting to you and your spelling. Absolutely no need. Have people never heard of dyslexia? Appalling and OP doesn’t deserve that. They came for advice, not an exam.

No, you should give your friend advice on what she can do if she’s unhappy, not take it upon yourself to fix the problem for her – which you can’t. Confronting someone else’s partner is never a good idea and you’ve likely made their dynamic worse and made it harder for your friend.

You need to stop thinking of your friend as the passive rope in a tug of war you're having with her GF. It's down to your friend to decide when she wants to see you and tell her GF. If she isn't doing that, that's on her. So personally, unless i had good reason to think my friend was in an abusive relationship (I'm which case, I'd talk to her, not her partner) then I'd have to accept that if my friend wasn't prepared to stand up for our friendship, it maybe wasn't a friendship any more.

Yes, the girlfriend is controlling.

Yes, your friend should be able to speak to family without being on loudspeaker.

Yes, your friend should be able to go to appointments by herself and see you by herself.

However, your friend has clearly chosen her girlfriend over you, so you have to suck it up.

Either meet your friend with her girlfriend in tow or keep in the background until their relationship is finished.

It’s not likely to last.

It obviously wasn't to everyone, but thanks for the summary. I think there was something about being violent on a bus too?

But yes in summary, stay out of other people's relationships OP and be there for your friend if you can.

me my freind and her gf have been together my freinds gf will say she has plans with family or freinds on a certain day so in front of her me and my freind will make our own plans for that day which shouldnt be an issue my freinds gf will then say she will cancel her plans and come with us sorry but to me thats not normal behaviour if your in a relationship give your partner space and allow them time to be with theyre freinds i dont mind her being with us some of the times but let your partner spend time with theyre freinds on theyre own thats not healthy always having to be with them. All three of us went to a market a couple of weeks ago then went for something to eat we got the same bus home the gf got off before us to go to her place i then got off to go to mine and then her gf got off to go to her place within a few minutes i got a message from my freinds gf asking what was said between us after she got off bus why would she need to know that?

I asked ChatGPT to punctuate the OP's text:

ChatGPT said: Here’s your text with clear and correct punctuation, capitalization and some light paragraphing.

So, me and my friend have been friends for about four years. She started dating somebody a couple of years ago. Only once have me and my friend met up without her girlfriend being present. I’ve always let it go because I don’t like confrontation, and I knew it would only open a can of worms if I said anything.
But over the last few weeks, it’s got worse. If my friend’s girlfriend has something planned with a friend of hers or a family member, me and my friend will arrange something. Then her girlfriend will cancel her plans and come with us.
So last Thursday, I spoke to her about it, saying me and my friend should be able to make plans without her always being there. At first, she said we were all friends and that’s why she always wanted to go with us. I said, “No, sorry, I’m friends with your girlfriend — we’ve been friends since before you started dating. Your girlfriend should be able to spend time with her friends without you always having to be there.”
She accused me of picking on her, then accused me of bad-mouthing her friends, which wasn’t true. It’s her that’s been doing that — saying there’s a couple she’s friends with who don’t make a good couple, making fun of the way one of them walks behind her back, etc. But she’s gone back and told her friends it’s been me doing this.
Then today, she played the victim on the bus. I heard them both on the bus — I didn’t speak to either of them — but she tried to make out she was scared to walk past me when getting off, as if I would have done something to her. I didn’t even look at them; I only knew they were on the bus because I heard their voices.
I’ve never been violent. She’s never seen me be violent. Even when we argued, I didn’t verbally abuse her or threaten her.

I think it is weird that your friend's girlfriend is inviting herself to everything with your friend.

That said, you come across to me as being quite confrontational based on your responses on here. Not sure if that is to do with your writing style or if you come across that way in real life too.

Whichever it is, you've obviously upset the friend's girlfriend. She maybe genuinely thought you were all friends and it came as news to her that you don't consider her part if the friendship. She maybe feels you are being territorial with your friend.

Or maybe she's very controlling and doesn't let your friend out of her sight. It is difficult to say based on the information here I think.

sorry i dont agree nobody likes to see a freind being treated this way and i wont be made out to be the bad guy for speaking to her theres other issues in theyre relationship which i didnt bring up as thats between them but i stand by what i say a freind should be able to spend time with theyre freinds without theyre partner always having to be there the gf should be aware of that she shouldnt need to be told

You need to take a step back from the friendship if you don't like spending time with the girlfriend all the time. The girlfriend may be controlling, but the onus is on your friend to address it. If she isn't addressing it, I'd assume she doesn't consider it an issue.

@ReapersSideKick why don't you edit your post to replace it with the new version @Suzypuzy made above. I think the content is the same but with corrections.

It's much easier to read, and it'll stop grumpy people like me moaning about your grammar, so you might get better answers.

no if i was confrontational i wouldnt have waited two years before i said something to her

Yes, basically if your friend won't help herself then you step back. You don't confront her partner because it's not your place to do so. You can offer support to your friend, but you don't insert yourself into the relationship. I'm sure your friend didn't want you to confront her partner (unless she's 15 and at school).
Be there for her, but she needs to sort this herself.

she does though shes told me. There was one day about 4 months ago my freinds gf didnt go to a group they both go to she expected my freind not to go either but my freind went then went to mine after the group his gf kicked off at her as she wanted my freind to go home so she could go over or wanted my freind to go to hers my freind said shed go to her gfs after she had been to mine and she had a go at him on phone about it

no i said the gf tried to play victim by pretending to be scared to walk past me to get off bus but i did point out ive never been violant ive never made threats and ive never been abusive

i meant her gf not his gf