I almost want you to tell me I’m being unreasonable

[Fringegirl12]

It’s a DH one- please tell me if I’m being unreasonable. I feel upset but unsure if it’s fair.

We hosted a Halloween party Friday, and while tidying I badly hurt my lower back. Yesterday I was in so much pain I could barely crawl to the toilet. DH said he’d twisted his ankle and couldn’t walk either. We have two young kids and pets, and the house was a mess from the party

What upset me was that DH could walk when he wanted to — he managed to go out for Bonfire Night — but refused to tidy, do the dishwasher, or help with the pets. He sat on the sofa all day. Today, he took our eldest to sports and went shopping but again did nothing at home, saying he couldn’t.

I’m not someone who exaggerates illness — after both C-sections I was up and about — so I struggled to see him seemingly use his ankle as an excuse. I’m now a bit better, still in pain, but I’ve ended up tidying, sorting the kids, and doing washing because he won’t.

To top it off, I asked him three times to get a specific soup, and he came back with five others but not the one I asked for. I just feel annoyed and like he’s not thinking of me.

Am I being unreasonable?

No and there's nobody reasonable who would think otherwise.

He sounds like a knob. Is this his normal behaviour?

Sounds like my ex husband

He's being a twat.
Is he normally like this?

What does he bring to your life?
Does he bring you joy?

If the answer is nothing and no

Bin him

What does he bring to your life?
Does he bring you joy?

If the answer is nothing and no

Bin him

Depends what hurt it is. When I used to hurt my lower back it was agony and I was in bed for a week

Competitive injury?! You’re hurt so he has to be? There was an interesting thread on this the other day. How have yo7 dragged yourself round doing the usual chores? What would happen if you just took to your bed or lay round groaning (like him??

What was the soup flavour you wanted? If it's something bad I could understand.

Yes this level - if I moved when sitting or lying down badly I would scream when it spasmed. Couldn’t feel my legs type thing or get food or drink or anything. Woke up today without the spasms and the terrible pain , but just sore and normal level and I can’t twist or bend or anything.

Why would anyone think you're unreasonable? He's clearly not actually injured so of course he should have tidied up.

Yanbu it's not genuine if he can move fine to do the things he wants to but not to do his half of household responsibilities.

Tomato - and nothing he has bought back is that! Again I know that’s me being petty I just was looking forward to it

Thank you for validating my feelings! He works and I don’t (young kids not at school) so do absolutely everything in the home etc. On weekends he does things like cutting grass but would never do what he perceives as my jobs. He doesn’t care much about having a clear and tidy house but I do. I can’t live in a mess and our house isn’t massive

Oh God, a competitive injury. Several of my friends have partners who do this. No mention of it until they realise it might mean they have to pick up the slack for a couple of days, then suddenly they're incapacitated. Your DH is a selfish prick.

He's an absolute bellend. Is he "punishing" you for daring to throw a party and have some fun?

Of course yanbu.

Awful behaviour from him and suggests a lack of care for you.

Do everything you can to improve your health, including regarding your back. Important anyway but seems even more so with an H who has behaved like this.

Sadly, I also don’t think it’s sensible to SAH with an H who behaves and has attitudes like you describe. Far, far too risky for you and the DC.

Your husband is a dud who views the house as “women’s work”.

That's not the point, is it? The point is that you had an injury, he didn't care about you, didn't help you, and he still had the expectation that you would do most of the work.
Why are you with him? He sounds horrible and selfish.

Your post made me furious on your behalf. WHY do so many men do this?! You see this situation posted on here frequently and my dad is very much like this with my mum.
I don't know if it's laziness or always wanting to be the "best" at being ill, but it's so frustrating and utterly pathetic. Selfish prick. I really hope you didn't make an effort to wash his clothes or make him any dinner OP.

Yes that’s how I feel - it shows a real
Lack of kindness or care.

For those asking why I feel he’s not being unreasonable- it’s because be had also hurt himself. Given to a less extent but I’m trying to work out if me thinking my injury made me fully immobile is comparative to his

Nasty, spiteful man. Did you previously have a career that you can return to, OP? You need to work ASAP. You need to make yourself as financially independent as possible. Men like this don't change.

edited to correct grammar.

I’m livid for you. What a selfish uncaring bastard. I can’t imagine behaving with so little care for anyone I loved. You deserve so much for more.