I almost want you to tell me I’m being unreasonable

[Fringegirl12]

It’s a DH one- please tell me if I’m being unreasonable. I feel upset but unsure if it’s fair.

We hosted a Halloween party Friday, and while tidying I badly hurt my lower back. Yesterday I was in so much pain I could barely crawl to the toilet. DH said he’d twisted his ankle and couldn’t walk either. We have two young kids and pets, and the house was a mess from the party

What upset me was that DH could walk when he wanted to — he managed to go out for Bonfire Night — but refused to tidy, do the dishwasher, or help with the pets. He sat on the sofa all day. Today, he took our eldest to sports and went shopping but again did nothing at home, saying he couldn’t.

I’m not someone who exaggerates illness — after both C-sections I was up and about — so I struggled to see him seemingly use his ankle as an excuse. I’m now a bit better, still in pain, but I’ve ended up tidying, sorting the kids, and doing washing because he won’t.

To top it off, I asked him three times to get a specific soup, and he came back with five others but not the one I asked for. I just feel annoyed and like he’s not thinking of me.

Am I being unreasonable?

This is serious....your husband is a dick if he does not take this amount of pain and lack of movement seriously

you need the cream and honestly, tell him in plain words that if he does not take you seriously for such an issue, you cannot trust him for having your best interests at heart

That’s not being petty. It pisses me off when you specify something and they ignore you because they cannot be arsed.

I would be mad too.

Yes i had a professional job before but gave it up to look after the kids because he has a high level job and ends up being away quite a lot and couldn’t do any childcare or anything.

I think this weekend has showed me what he’s like. We’ve been together a long time and I’ve noticed he’s very selfish.

When I had our second baby- I had to carry on straight after coming home , as he wouldn’t do the day to day house stuff so I just had to. We couldn’t afford paternity leave but he had a week working from home but wouldn’t do anything round the house at all.

I grew up in a house where my dad would do everything , it was very balanced but he would just crack on with house stuff like I do and I don’t think it’s a big deal. So this is alien to me.

just sad by it to be honest as I really don’t ever ask for much and am very selfish sufficient day to day.

My ex was selfish but also, weirdly, seemed to enjoy seeing me struggle. Do you think there's an element of this with him, OP? My escape was becoming financially independent enough to go it alone. If I were you, I wouldn't say anything to him, but investigate childcare and start looking at jobs.

It's also easy to do the tasks mentioned with an ankle injury. I badly broke mine and still managed to clean, do the dishwasher, hoover carefully, cook etc. You just get on with it (like you have OP). It's weaponised incompetence. He still managed to do things he actually wanted to do, conveniently. Things much more physically demanding than cleaning kitchen sides or loading plates in the dishwasher. The fact he'd much rather see you suffer than help with some easy tasks is such a massive red flag.
I'd actually find it so unattractive and would get the real ick from this. The selfishness, the pretend uselessness -🤮

I don’t even believe he had hurt his ankle tbh.

Tomato is on every bloody shelf, it's hardly random.

Google ‘weaponised incompetence’.

You need to talk to him about his selfish behaviour. Do you want to suggest couples counselling, or do you think that you really want to part ways?.

He sounds like a right tosser to be honest 😡 if I were you OP, I'd look into childcare and think about returning to work asap. I can't imagine you'll want to stay with the selfish pig for much longer.

My ex was like this. I suspect mother issues and a sense of feeling like a big brave boy at a subconscious level for challenging 'Mummy'.

So glad to be independent again

Your husband is a cunt.
That's a second one from me today.🙁
I'm genuinely sorry.
💐

But his physical immobility only manifested itself when he was at home. Therefore showing that he's a cunt

I'm unsure why you find this difficult to see?

Has he always been like this? It seems typical man, and there are thousands upon thousands of women who have the same experiences but have to take some ibuprofen and work anyway.

There are very few men who are not like that, and none are available. Women search them out and make a fuss of them to keep them, and eventually, they end up the same!

Has he always been like this though?

personally I wouldn’t give up my career for anyone, reduced hours perhaps but I would never want to end up in a situation like yours, where I’m unhappy and a skivvy but with no funds of my own to make an exit.

This is such a cruel way to act towards the person you love and the other parent of your children, so sorry you’ve had to experience this.

What an absolute bastard to just sit on his arse ‘injured’ when you’re in such a state unless, of course, it was to do something that he wanted to do.
How very unattractive. I could not be dealing with that kind of behaviour OP, you deserve better. I also don’t agree that just because someone works that they get out of daily chores, sorry but you live here too, pitch in.

This would be an absolute deal breaker moment for me, either things change or we’d be done. You having to get straight on with things after a c-section is vile too, I haven’t had a section myself but I helped my sister after hers and I couldn’t even imagine her having to clean the house, hoover etc after such major surgery. I was in the bloody bath with her helping her shower!

This whole situation is just sad OP. No way you could be being unreasonable!

To be honest I don’t understand how people end up with life partners who treat them like this, I really don’t. Everyone I have ever dated has been kind and considerate. Like OP, I grew up with a dad who did his fair share at home, so I expect that from my partner. I wouldn’t entertain a relationship with a guy who had other ideas.

It's illegal not to give paternity leave. What do you mean you couldn't afford it. Did he not save up any annual leave either? It's a basic entitlement in this country. I think if someone is not willing to take time off when their baby is born, it's already over.

😂 😂 😂 are you insane? STOP trying to normalise this. Most men are not like this, and women who put up with it have been tricked by lazy bastards and need to move out.

I hurt my back once many years ago and it was THE MOST excruciating agony! I couldn't make it to the toilet and had to pee in a jug as I couldn't get to the bathroom, worse than uneducated childbirth and way worse than a sore ankle!

Like others have said, start to move back into work, part time. Put some money away and if this incredibly selfish behaviour continues, make your plans. He's incredibly uncaring toward you.

YABU to have posted this AI slop.

It’s not even been bonfire night yet

Yeah, he’s a lazy arse.

He could start looking for another wife if I was treated that way.

No, you don't go out for a bonfire if your family needs you!

Sadly seems like op's husband is like this. otherwise why on earth would he keep getting the wrong soup??? And not do a basic tidy and clean around the house?