I almost want you to tell me I’m being unreasonable

[Fringegirl12]

It’s a DH one- please tell me if I’m being unreasonable. I feel upset but unsure if it’s fair.

We hosted a Halloween party Friday, and while tidying I badly hurt my lower back. Yesterday I was in so much pain I could barely crawl to the toilet. DH said he’d twisted his ankle and couldn’t walk either. We have two young kids and pets, and the house was a mess from the party

What upset me was that DH could walk when he wanted to — he managed to go out for Bonfire Night — but refused to tidy, do the dishwasher, or help with the pets. He sat on the sofa all day. Today, he took our eldest to sports and went shopping but again did nothing at home, saying he couldn’t.

I’m not someone who exaggerates illness — after both C-sections I was up and about — so I struggled to see him seemingly use his ankle as an excuse. I’m now a bit better, still in pain, but I’ve ended up tidying, sorting the kids, and doing washing because he won’t.

To top it off, I asked him three times to get a specific soup, and he came back with five others but not the one I asked for. I just feel annoyed and like he’s not thinking of me.

Am I being unreasonable?

This is absolutely not true. My DH is amazing and would never treat me this way. Pretty much none of the men I know would treat their partners like that either. Im sorry you have had such a bad experience with men but they are definitely not all like this and OP shouldn't accept it. Personally I would rather be alone than with someone who didn't seem to like me

You do realise a lot of firework displays are the Saturday before if the 5th falls midweek, right?

Could still be AI I suppose, but it’s not the gotcha you think it is….

I couldn't give him the benefit of the doubt, when I read how he behaved after your two sections.

He's a lazy, selfish, dud.... and sadly I suspect that it will be extremely difficult to get through to his entitled sense that sharing life chores with you is beneath him.

No this is serious- I need tomato soup when I'm hurt or ill and if he couldn't manage that I'd be furious

he didnt hurt himself op he went shopping and done things he wanted to-and its not a one off anyway

if seriously think if you want to stay in this

I did put my original message through chat gtp to make it more succinct and read better- I prefer doing that than posting my badly worded writing and sentence structure. I’d appreciate others doing it to as I can’t understand some of the posts people write sometimes 😅

yes bonfire nights on our area were this Saturday ?! Of course it’s on Wednesday but the big ones were this Saturday

I agree! I asked for it and he came home with 5 different flavours of Heinz and none of the one I asked for!!

To reply to everyone- yes I don’t know what is and isn’t normal. We’ve been together since school. With him working and me looking after the kids the deal is I do everything home wise pretty much. But this showed me a different side to him this weekend. I don’t know what he’ll be like when we’re older if I get poorly or something.

Some people are instantly sick or injured as soon as their partner.Is it's one upmanship they ve got to be the worst one.

It really gives me the rage.

When I was pregnant my idiot told me he thought he was having “sympathy pregnancy pains”.

He just wanted attention.

I think you DO know what he'll be like. He's showing you who he is right now. Believe him. And trust me, it won't get better

No. If your husband is walking on his foot, capable of going out and driving, then he's not done much damage. There's no excuse why he can't help tidy the house, he simply doesn't want to. You have every right to be pissed off with him and furious. He should be ashamed of himself in all honesty.

Erm, you DO work, you just don’t get paid for it - or any thanks for it, by the sound of it. Who does he think is busy raising his children all day every day?

I can't deal with these One-Uppers that try it on when you're ill or injured.

Ex-DP was like this.

If I had a cold, he had a full blown chest infection, but not bad enough to stop him doing the things he wanted, just bad enough that he had to lay about in bed texting every 4 hours for a lemsip and cups of tea, while my eyes and nose streamed, my lips got chapped, I couldn't breathe and was up all night, while he snored away.

When I dislocated a bone in my foot, he had bad knees. He couldn't possibly cook dinner because he couldn't stand. Managed to get to the shop for his beer though.

When I had pain in my chest, he had angina. He found it really fucking hard to trump the fact I had a blood clot in my lungs the size of a £1 coin without feigning a heart attack though, paramedics saw straight through that bullshit. Literally the day I got home from hospital.

When I was on blood thinners, my blood pressure dropped and fell over and hit my head he mysteriously fell down the stairs, no sound or thumps or anything though despite being a big man in a new build house.

He had a dressing gown of doom, which he would don whenever I became too unwell to function.

I am so glad I left, and if this is a pattern of behaviour from your DH, you probably should consider it too. It's the ultimate display of a lack of love and care that you are a real human being with real human needs.

I'll tell you what the biggest eye opener was for me, reading the statistics about the percentage of men that leave their wives when they get cancer.

I urge you to look it up.

If you have any doubt in your mind that he would leave you if you got cancer, which is a statistical probability that 1 in 3 of us could get at any point in our lives, then he's not the husband you want or need in your life.

I mean we couldn’t afford it- unsure why that’s surprising so many people are the same. You don’t get paid your normal salary on paternity leave and with me not working we couldn’t afford to drop it at all/ unsure who would pay our mortgage and food bills?! So he worked from home for the week . His annual leave was already booked for the year for holidays we had booked pre pregnancy. So our option was he worked from home and helped _ but this didn’t work.

So yanbu and he is a knob- what are you going to do about this awful man you are married to?

I'm sorry, my husband is a lazy git at times, but this takes the absolute piss.

Go back to work (part time if that works better for you) and leave his sorry arse. He'll have to look after the kids if he bothers to see them, and do 100% of his own washing and cleaning - or pay someone else to more likely.

This would put me off of him 100%. What's your life going to look like when you're both older. I bet he just sits in his chair and watches you cook and clean no matter if you're well enough to or not. Yuck.

So was he like this pre kids? You cleaning and cooking and working ft while he did absolutely zero

There is another thread on here where a mother is saying she wants to give up work and her DH won't let her.

Don't you ever see another side, or a solution to a problem?

How do you know most men are not like that? You have to live with them to find out. The grass always looks greener in the next garden. Men can be charming to others. Women will protect a man no matter what.

You don't know really.

It will be much worse when you are older so have a good think.

Hope your back is better.