Would you leave a 16yo home alone overnight or longer?

[catscarsandchocolate]

Hypothetical discussion with 15yo Ds who told us today that once he’s 16 (preferably earlier but accepted 16 is ‘probably legal’) he fully expects us to go away and leave him at home alone at least overnight, ideally multiple nights and abroad….I was a bit taken aback a was expecting holidays leaving him at home to be more of a 17/18yo thing to do (he despises holidays and we can’t go on them because he hates them so I suspect he wants us to have what he knows he is stopping us from having)

For context, he’s autistic, only child, extremely rule bound, neat, tidy, can cook simple things, never leaves the house unlocked, doesn’t socialise or really leaves the house bar school, doesn’t really have ‘friends’ in that way - so I don’t think he’s angling for a house party or anything, he was just quite matter of fact.

What age DO people leave solo teens for a night away, a short break away or a full scale holiday abroad (as all these would differ I imagine)

Depends on the maturity of the child I suppose. I can imagine leaving my eldest but not my other two.

A lot depends on what he's happy with and how well you think he would manage alone. Given that it's his suggestion, I think you could trial going away for one night and see how it goes.

Of course it should be ok. I left home at 16. Shared a flat with 2 friends who were 18.

Technically he's old enough to leave home at 16 so I would think its perfectly fine especially is he's as sensible as you say and he is happy doing it. Maybe start with a night and see how he gets on.

It depends very much on the child.
Can you trust him not to have a party that might possibly get out of hand?
Would he know what to do in an emergency?
Are there any trusted adults nearby he could go to In an emergency?

16 is old enough

A little taste of responsibility and freedom is good for them

I left my 16yo, he is very mature, had common sense and can manage changes. My DD is 15 and autistic. I doubt I could leave her alone at 16, she freezes at any surprise thrown her way. I don't think she could handle any emergency such as a fire or break in.

I started leaving my oldest at 16. Started with one night, then 4, then a week. Stayed in UK to start with, so we could get back. Nothing ever happened, no unexpected guests etc. He couldn't have got them past the Ring camera and the nosey neighbours, even if he had wanted to! 🤣

By 19, I was also leaving his younger brother with him for 3-4 nights, including an EU city break. Younger one is not yet 16, but would happily leave him for an occasional home alone night without concern.

16 is sensible to leave alone for a night or two to get used to it. I loved having the house to myself as a teenager just to play house and have peace and quiet! I'd give it a go, book a hotel close to your house if you'd like for the first night away, and see how he does. If he's an honest and trustworthy kid then he'll be fine. Leave a pizza and snacks and see how it goes.

Hm. My Dd is 16 (y12) and I’d happily leave her overnight if she was ok with it. However ds is only 14 so wouldn’t leave them both overnight. Would expect that maybe when she is 18 and he 16 I’d leave them together. x

If they’re sensible and comfortable with it, yes. I was home alone for 3-4 days stretches from 12 and I was travelling on my own cross country by train and plane at 16 and staying over in hotels. My mum used to book things and then ring ahead to tell the hotel owners I’d be unaccompanied but was responsible, and it was fine.

Yes but id have someone checking in. Of in any doubt at all i wouldn't.
Could he be taken advantage of?

At this age it’s less about maturity (although that can be an issue) and more about whether they are the type of kid to throw a massive party and trash your house.

we left ours (twins) overnight at 16.

I have a teen about to turn 16 who sounds exactly like your DS. We are planning to leave him for 1 night when he turns 16, quite happily. Possibly a 2night weekend if my parents are available that weekend to call in briefly (they live in the same village). However, we would be going locally in our campervan with thr younger DC. I would not leave my particular son to go abroad til he was 18.
I'm 38 and when I was 15-17 I was regularly left for weekends up to a week. My parents thought I was Incredibly sensible but I almost always had parties.

We went away for a week when my son was 16.5. He was fine.
When my youngest was 15 I left him at home for 4 nights while I was in hospital... did have 2 friends coming round once a day and taking him for dinner. He was fine.

I think it's crazy to wait, and by the time they're 16, it would be safer if they had spent at least 1 night alone on several occasions.

I wouldn't start with a long holiday abroad, but by 14-15, they should be able to spend the odd night alone at home

I definitely intend on leaving ds alone overnight from his 16th birthday, hopefully building up to a trip abroad once he is in Yr12.

He’s very sensible and self-sufficient. No way would I have trusted his sister at the same age!

I thought mine was mature enough. He promised he wouldn’t have a party.

He threw “a Gathering” 😡😡😡😡

Not a chance I'd leave him and probably not at 17 or 18 either. It's far too young

Given what you describe, absolutely yes. As much for his sake as yours. People with autism crave solitude don’t they? Unless it’s part of his autism, I also think a 15 year old should be able to cook more than simple meals.

Why?? Have you done such a poor job raising your DC that they can't look after themselves or be trusted for a couple of nights without an adult?

Of course I'd leave my 16 year old and have done. In fact the first time I left him for a weekend he was one month shy of his 16th birthday. He really didn't want to come away with us, had an important football match to play and his dad was a couple of miles away in case of emergency. Nothing bad happened, he lived off oven chips, pasta pesto and crisps but otherwise he was fine, even remembered to feed the cat.

I left my ds at home overnight when I had to travel for work. Only one night and he was fine. I think it depends on the person.

Yes, it can be done. I was on my own at home sometimes for a few days in a row at that age onwards because my dad was working abroad and my mum would go out to stay with him. My siblings were at uni, so it was just me. But I was pretty sensible and could fend for myself.

Your DS sounds very capable.

It really depends on the individual concerned.

I left mine overnight aged 16. She had a friend to stay. I was a bit nervous but she was fine and had phone numbers for my friends who live nearby. Left her for a week aged 18 I think. My mum got married aged 16!