Would you leave a 16yo home alone overnight or longer?

[catscarsandchocolate]

Hypothetical discussion with 15yo Ds who told us today that once he’s 16 (preferably earlier but accepted 16 is ‘probably legal’) he fully expects us to go away and leave him at home alone at least overnight, ideally multiple nights and abroad….I was a bit taken aback a was expecting holidays leaving him at home to be more of a 17/18yo thing to do (he despises holidays and we can’t go on them because he hates them so I suspect he wants us to have what he knows he is stopping us from having)

For context, he’s autistic, only child, extremely rule bound, neat, tidy, can cook simple things, never leaves the house unlocked, doesn’t socialise or really leaves the house bar school, doesn’t really have ‘friends’ in that way - so I don’t think he’s angling for a house party or anything, he was just quite matter of fact.

What age DO people leave solo teens for a night away, a short break away or a full scale holiday abroad (as all these would differ I imagine)

Mine were all fine for a night aged 16, have left them for longer (5 nights) but there are 3 of them and eldest is 21, they get along well are sensible and trustworthy plus know my friends (also their friends parents) in the local area, but its very much a judgement call. They are all in charge of themselves but 21yo is the deciding voice if needed, and also has a car for peace of mind

My eldest when she was 16, not a chance. It would have ended up as an advert on My Space and we would have been in the papers for a house party with about 200 people attending. My other children, yes probably. Son would have emptied the house of food and built some contraption in the garden, possibly a trebuchet, but no parties. The two youngest would have been fine.

Yes, but he’s very mature and I could trust him for a couple of nights alone. Also my parents live two seconds away so they would be on hand, which makes a difference

We left DS at 17 on his own for a couple of nights (was gonna be a week but plans changed), Also left him a bit earlier (just 17) with friends for one night - they’d got up to go to school, we got back before he’d come home from school again and they’d left the first floor back windows open 🤦‍♀️
I think we’d gone overnight to move DD to her 2nd year house at uni and I thought he’d be ‘safer’ w his mates rather than on his own!

Left eldest at 16 for a night, had their friend stay over. Left both kids for 4 days in another country. Ages 16 and 18, both were fine. One of them slept in for work one. We were at the end of a phone if anything was needed and Grandparents close by. Made sure the fridge was well stocked, but they had takeaway most of the time. Their cash their choice. I think it does them good. House was a bombsite on our return but quickly sorted by chucking the dishwasher on.

What?!! You do know plenty are living away at uni just after they turn 18 doing exactly what they like. The ones I have to pick up off the floor in the corridors are the ones who had no freedom before they got here.

I was left regularly from 16 and occasional nights from 14/15. At 17 I started going abroad on hol by myself. I had UK solo holidays at 16.

Yes of course you can leave him. Tbh very few adults have experience of fires or break ins either, none of us know how we'd 'cope' but you can't go through life assuming the worst?

i remember growing up in the 80’s and 90’s and parents always saying the children were growing up too young. I strongly believe we’ve flipped that now and they aren’t growing up fast enough.

OP, I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer for this, but if he’s pushing for it, encourage him, I’m assuming you have neighbours and/or family etc incase of a true emergency? If he doesn’t eat all that well for a day or two, so be it.

At 18 they are actual adults?

In answer to your Question- we left dd2 last year (she was 17 and this was the soonest she wanted to stay at home). DS went to his mates (aged 14) we were away from 3pm Friday to 3pm Sunday. So we’d walked dog etc.

on the Saturday the friend DS was staying with came to fetch the dog and their family took it out for 3 hours.

we left them both overnight in the summer - just one night - he was by this time 15 and she almost 18.

We will leave them both again later this year - probably summer as long as someone was on hand to manage the main dog walk.

When I initially posted on this thread in November, I had an upcoming week abroad trip skiing with my younger dd, and dd1, then 16 but turned 17 didn’t want to come. Off the back of this thread, I decided to let her stay home.

She loved it. Loved having the house to herself. It was a bit of a tip when I came home as she’d just cleaned the absolute basics, but I’m sure I wouldn’t have thought to do dusting and mop the bathroom floor either at 17.

Of course it's fine. I think pretty much all of us would have been left at home alone from 16 onwards - we certainly weren't going on holiday with our parents!

By 16, I'd had a Saturday job for 2 yrs and was left overnight when my mum went away. I proudly did 2 loads of washing, hung it all out, folded and hung up everything- before realising that I hadn't used any washing detergent! 😆

i had considered this when I first left my dds home alone, in a ‘what level am I expecting them to be at’ kind of way. Because by the time they were probably what 6 or 7, they would have already coped better than eg my 98yo grandma who lives alone in a fire/intruder situation. And we don’t think anything of leaving a single elderly person home alone. Not that I did at 6 or 7 btw, but u did muse then whether I was waiting for them to turn in to James Bond or something for an intruder.

I would leave mine alone for an evening at that age but not overnight. My 17yo I have left overnight once or twice but she has always had a friend over to keep her company.

I wouldn’t rush based on your description of him. I’d worry if there was some crisis eg power outage, water leak he wouldn’t be able to interact with someone to sort it.
He also sounds like he possibly may be taken advantage of if kids at school realised.

No

Am currently just about to go to sleep in my premier inn room after a great party, 16 yo DS is home alone and I am confident he’s fine.

That is really odd unless severe SEN - at 18 most kids live away from home at University. Where I live (rural Sweden) it's pretty common for kids to live in un-supervised student accommodation at 15-16 for A-level college.

@Lunde Yes, I think it’s best to give them some experience of being home alone before university. Otherwise they’ll be blindsided when you’re suddenly not there!

Sure he'll do fine. Kids can leave home at 16.

Some kids might have a party but that is a totally differernt issue.

I’ve left my 14 year old home over night. He’s a good kid, follows rules, can cook, won’t have anyone over, etc. I felt guilty but he was fine. We have good neighbours he can go to for help. Also we have close family that’s lives on the next street.

I would be wary of ‘friends’ inviting themselves in, bringing others with them. He might be vulnerable to this type of thing. 16 is a bit young. We left our 16 yr old DD with her 18 yr old brother and she decided to take the car for a spin. She didn’t drive at the time.

Yes, left ds at 16 for long weekends and just after he turned 17, left him for 10 days, all fine. I suppose it depends on the child, but you need to give them some freedom.

Yes a 16 year old can be left alone overnight but it is in your house so if you had any suspicion they won't respect it you don't have to leave them! I am hoping mine will stay sensible so I'll be able to leave them at that age!