Would you leave a 16yo home alone overnight or longer?

[catscarsandchocolate]

Hypothetical discussion with 15yo Ds who told us today that once he’s 16 (preferably earlier but accepted 16 is ‘probably legal’) he fully expects us to go away and leave him at home alone at least overnight, ideally multiple nights and abroad….I was a bit taken aback a was expecting holidays leaving him at home to be more of a 17/18yo thing to do (he despises holidays and we can’t go on them because he hates them so I suspect he wants us to have what he knows he is stopping us from having)

For context, he’s autistic, only child, extremely rule bound, neat, tidy, can cook simple things, never leaves the house unlocked, doesn’t socialise or really leaves the house bar school, doesn’t really have ‘friends’ in that way - so I don’t think he’s angling for a house party or anything, he was just quite matter of fact.

What age DO people leave solo teens for a night away, a short break away or a full scale holiday abroad (as all these would differ I imagine)

He’s quite food aversive. Minimal interest in eating. He’ll eat more variety if someone else makes it but he has no interest in food, eating or cooking so will just service the hunger with a few easy options. He absolutely could cook more but won’t as he’d opt for not eating instead!

Thanks everyone. Very interesting to read. He almost certainly has no interest in parties etc. he doesn’t really have friends that he sees outside of school and has zero interest in going out. He’s a solitary creature who enjoys peace, quiet and routines. The only challenge would be if something happened like a fire or break in - something that hasn’t ever happened. He stays home a lot during the day at the moment when we’re at work etc so I guess it’s no different. Bad stuff could happen anytime.

then I wouldn’t leave him too long!

I think an overnight in this country where you can just drive home if it came to it, is quite different to having to get an emergency flight home from a different country. The first probably 15 is fine, the second at least 16.

He’s 15 now and I hadn’t even considered any of this yet anyway! I don’t feel ready to leave him it’s more he’s keen to be left. I think when he’s well into being 16 we can look at maybe a night away nearby as a first step. Abroad……I’d assumed over 18 in my head!

I would leave my ds overnight (nearly 16) and he is very sensible and not a rule breaker. Not sure I would leave him longer as that would be quite lonely and there's no chance he would pass up on a holiday either. Dd is a rule breaker and I would be far more wary of her but thankfully she isn't anywhere near 16 yet.

We went away in the UK when DS was 16/17 but we didn't go abroad until he was 18

I went to Uni when I was 18! It would have been one hell of a shock if I had never been left alone overnight previously.

I think in your shoes OP I would start longer evenings out if it suits you and build from there. Maybe an all day thing followed by a really late night (if you haven't done that already) and then do a full overnight then 2, a week.

By 18 he needs to be ready to stand on his own 2 feet incase he goes to Uni or something.

Why not? My son went to uni at 17. Of course you can leave a capable 16 year old alone overnight

I left my oldest when he was 16, we went on holiday for a week and he didn't want to go. Didn't give it another thought. He was capable of looking after himself. He isn't the partying type so I knew he wouldn't be having friends round.

Worst that happened was he left the dishwashing till we were back, so was made to do it on our return, and clean up the kitchen.

Definitely ok. My parents went on holiday and left me when I was 16. At 16 you can be married and live alone! But, only you know how mature your child is and what they can handle. Maybe start with a night away and see how it goes?

I didn't do parties but did have gf stay.

What an utterly ridiculous stance. Have you not prepared your child for independence?

It all depends on the child but at 16 I'd fully expect to be able to leave my child home alone for an extended period. If I couldn't I'd consider I'd done a truly shit job of raising them.

TBH if you can't leave a 16 year old for a night or two if would be more than a bit worrying

It sounds fine. Longer holidays perhaps when he's had a few practice runs

What sort of age are you planning to let them leave home - 65ish?

Yes of course, I had my own flat at 16

It depends on the child but fwiw, I left 2 eldest alone on separate occasions when each reached 16 as they didn’t want to come away or had revision. It was for UK holidays only for short one or two night trips.

My youngest has just turned 16 and no, I wouldn’t even though he says theoretically he’d be fine. Like your son OP he is autistic and literally (for a variety of reasons) he wouldn’t eat or drink while we were away.
I do want him to become more independent and go to university like his two siblings but it’s all very well others saying you have to teach independence at this age. The usual methods rarely apply if ever, for autistic teens. The amount of times in my son’s case that people have said “well if he’s hungry he will eat”. No, he absolutely won’t in my son’s case.

My 17 year old is in uni halls, I think I could leave him for a night or two home alone!

My ds is on the spectrum and, so long as he doesn’t have to interact with people, he’s perfectly happy in his own company. Very security conscious and sensible, and extremely unlikely to have a wild party in my absence, due to his dislike of people! I started leaving him from about 16 for an odd night and he absolutely loves having the place to himself. He’s nearly 20 now and often stays home with the dog if I go away with friends, although he does still like a holiday with me every now and then.

Quite often autistic teens have a typical timeline of what should happen at what age in their lives. This is likely his very rational thinking on the subject of being left home alone. He sounds very sensible so likely he would be fine.

We left DS (17) overnight a few times from 16 and have worked our way up to a long weekend (3 nights). I did feel abit nervous about the longer break but it was fine. We know several neighbors and we let the closest ones know that he was home alone. He has their numbers and knows that he can ring them if he’s concerned about anything.

Personally, I’m waiting until he’s 18 to go away for longer or to go abroad. Unless DD (20) is home for any length of time, which is rare. DS isn’t daft, but some of his friends can be a bit silly. At this point, we may as well wait until he’s legally an adult.

dc1 - I wouldn't have
dc2 - yes, no problem
dc3 - no.

But that is to do with their personalities and abilities.

However, I'm talking about a single night for some reason, when I was in this country. I wouldn't have / didn't leave any of them whilst I went for a holiday, or if I were out of the Country.

We left dd2 at a month shy of 17. Last summer we left both children from Friday after school (we were there when they came home) until Sunday lunchtime.
We had a dog walker come in to take that responsibility off them and to make sure she was well walked.
we have lots of friends and family locally for if ‘the electric fused’ or ‘an undiscovered WW2 bomb was found’.
They were fine with an m and s curry to heat up - money for a take out.
Mine are not party animals- my main concern was that they’d fight or that DS (the younger child) would cause problems. He was threatened with death (being sent to grandparents).
We’d now happily leave them for a bit longer - provided the pooch was being properly walked (she’s a tricksy dog) and they had enough microwave meals!

I always leave DS some emergency cash and unsurprisingly, he finds a way to spend some of it on non-emergencies like takeaways, rather than eating the food that’s left for him in the fridge. 🤣

Omfg

I would definitely leave a 16 year old at home overnight, I have with my own DS. He was fine but said he noticed every creak the house makes at night 😆 I think it just takes a bit of getting used to. Start with a night here and there and then a weekend?

DS is now 18 and loves it, has partner over and cooks something simple from scratch or ready meal stuff from M&S, he often orders a takeaway. House is often tidier than when I leave as he enjoys playing house and loves using the cordless Dyson!

You may be pleasantly surprised.