All-girls school

[Gerranium]

DD is 6 and DH have started, in a very casual way, to talk about where she might go to secondary school. These aren’t firm decisions, obviously, just chatting about what we might want, so we’re forearmed in a few years when we do have make choices.

DH’s preference is for DD to go to an all-girls school - it’s a state school but selective, she’d have to sit and pass the 11-plus.

In fairness, it’s an exceptional school but I’m concerned about it being all-girls from a social perspective. DH is of completely the opposite
view - the main reason he likes it is because it’s all girls. When I ask why, he just says he knows what boys are like.

Is anyone being unreasonable?

I went to both albeit in the 90s. All girls was a very unhealthy and unnatural environment IMO. More bullying, more gendered assumptions amongst teachers.

Mixed comp was great for me. Much better prep for uni and working world.

I went to an all girls’ grammar school many years ago, I loved it, but I did find talking to boys excruciating until I was about 17, and I never had male friends. I like the idea of single sex lessons, less distraction for either sex but I think there should be more mixing at other times. Some single sex schools mix for school social events which is a good idea.

There's different perspectives on this and ultimately it will come down to your child's academic and social needs. Personally I opted for an all girls school and I don't regret it at all, but it's very personal.

There is a lot of evidence that girls do better academically in single sex schools, in large part because of the absence of boys. For most (not all) girls, the presence of boys is at best a distraction and at worst intimidating: boys dominate classrooms and social environments and suck the air out of school life. My daughter didn't particularly like being educated with boys at primary and far prefers being educated around other girls so for us it was a bit of a no brainer.

I've seen people argue that all girls schools are worse when it comes to teaching social skills and resilience etc. Personally I this is is hugely overstated: between the ages of 11 and 16 I don't think its really necessary for kids to spend a lot of time around the opposite sex, it's a needless distraction if anything. From 16 onwards it might be positive.

Ultimately it will come down to you and your child, but I would give it some serious thought.

I went to both. I was definitely more comfortable as the class geek in an all-girls' environment. Asking lots of questions, more confident putting myself forward academically. The flip side is friendships were more intense and I was under more scrutiny from other girls as attention wasn't on boys I suppose.

it was a very positive experience for me in the 1970’s. There was no question but that all the roles of responsibility were filled with women. There was no idea that girls should … whereas boys can…

its stood me in very good stead.

I was at a selective all girls school for 11-16 and then a mixed sixth form. Best of both worlds and, if I’d had girls, what I would have preferred for them. But then I know I was lucky to ‘find my tribe’ at the girls school.

I went to an all girls school for secondary (selective 11+ State grammar school) and I don’t think there’s any issues with social interaction with boys, particularly if you do hobbies and clubs outside of school. Most girls schools I know tend to have an equivalent boys school that they share events and activities with throughout the school year and we used to share the journey to/from school on the same bus as the boys we went to primary school with. I work in a very male dominated environment and to be honest, I prefer it to being around groups of women. The one thing I would say is that teenage girls can be VERY bitchy and clichey and I think this is probably magnified when there aren’t boys in the mix too.

I think that’s a very valid point actually, particularly around STEM subjects which can be seen more as “boys subjects” and careers.

I was very happy in my all girls grammar. I did well too. DM used to be a science teacher and always used to say that girls do better in maths and science in a single-sex environment. I don't know if that is still the current thinking.

Having said that both my DDs went to a normal mixed comp and did very well in maths and science - both did or are doing science degrees and DD1 now works as a scientist.

I think it very much depends on your DD. I can remember the time towards the end of primary school looking forward so much to getting away from all those annoying boys and being in a calmer more academic environment. I suspect DD1 would have thought much the same but DD2 probably would have chosen to go to a mixed school.

I went to a girls' school and loved it. No sexual harrassment or disruption from boys. We were encouraged to be anything: scientists, mathematicians, pilots, you name it. No concepts of "girls aren't good at..." or "girls are supposed to like..."

I'm now a scientist who takes no nonsense from anyone. I feel sorry for younger women who struggle with confidence and sexist male peers.

Its simple...
If someone went to all girls and loved it, they will recommend it.
If they went all girlsxand didn't like it, they will say go Mixed.
If they had a bad time at Mixed, they will recommend All girls.
If they had a good time at Mixed, they will say that is fine.

However at 6y, its far too early to say whether a Grammar school will suit her.

FWIW... I went Mixed then Girls, and was much happier at the Girls school as I was strong at Science (as was the school) but I the Mixed school the boys had over dominated the lessons.
My elder DD is Yr10 and says the same about her Maths and Science... the boys take over.

Very positive experience for me. DD16 has been in an all girls school for secondary and now at a mixed 6th form college. Statistics wise girls perform better academically in all girls schools. It’s also way easier to be non conforming. I’d also caution you on mixed sex secondary the sexual assaults stats are not pleasant reading.

I went to an all girls school. I got bullied a lot but being honest, I think that would have happened at any school.

What I loved about it was the total assumption that girls could be good or interested in anything. We had big science and maths (and Further Maths) classes at A level.

Boys and talk about boys were never in our way.

I went to an all girls secondary school and loved it. I had male friends outside of school so still mixed with the opposite sex. We sent DD1 to an all girls school but unfortunately they have gone co-ed after a few years. She really enjoyed it too and academically performed really well. It’s only a few months in to co-ed so time will tell how it affects her and if she enjoys it as much.

I went to two all girls secondarys.
One was super selective, which I hated and ended up leaving.
We all had very unhealthy relationships with the opposite sex. There was tons of bitchiness and bullying.
We were obsessed with boys and sex, it was almost a competition. We also played all the roles, there were no boys being stupid and playing pranks, to laugh at, we were the boys and the girls, if that makes sense.
I made sure my son went to a mixed school and I think it creates a much more balanced individual and normal healthy environment.

DD started at a mixed secondary and moved to all girls in year 10.

She much prefers it. Shes had years of boisterous boys dominating the classroom. Bunch of mini Andrew Tates in the making.

She’ll probably stay there for sixth form.

Boys can be socialised with once they’ve learned how to behave!

I've seen no evidence that women who went to all girls schools struggle more socially than those who didn't.

I have seen evidence that all girls schools get more girls into stem subjects at a level.

I would also caution against conflating parental experiences and current ones. DD and her pals don’t seem to be especially interested in boys at all, and they’re not bitchy or competitive.

I went to a girls school. Sciences were taught very well.
It was good not going thru puberty with boys around and the school was more nurturing in general.
I had no problem going into a mixed sixth form and having chosen stem subjects I was the only girl in 2 of my classes and one of only 3 in the other.

Ditto. For most of the time I was at my school there were no male teachers at all. Every teacher there was a graduate, so they were excellent role models (it was a very academic school, most of proceeded to higher education or professional training). There was no sense that science and maths were for boys or that art, languages etc were for girls. In the sixth form about half the year group did all or mostly science A levels. I know from school reunions that the vast majority of us ended up married or in long-term relationships with men, so the lack of boys at school doesn't seem to have held us back in that way.

I did both. Girls schools usually mean better academic results for girls. Mixed is better for boys.

Now I have a DS, I am reminded of the shit that girls have to put up with in the early teens years from boys. I wouldn't wish that on a DC at all and if was in your position I would happily put her in a girls school so she can focus on her education.

I never had any issue with interacting with boys or men but find women trickier. So, it didn't help or hinder with either of those. It just meant that I got an education without fights, boys shouting each other down or just being generally disruptive. Was also pleased that there was no concern about what the girls looked like going to school, whereas stories I've heard from people who went to mixed high schools sounds exhausting with girls judged on their looks and clothing, etc. I wouldn't want DC to be spending brain time on that crap.

Single sex settings typically deliver the better outcomes for girls, increased self-confidence, and better performance in male dominated subject such as maths and science. Taking into account earlier sexual initiation amongst teens, earlier exposure to pornography amongst male peers, and body image pressures and the cyber bullying prevalent with widespread use of social media, I would strongly advise a single sex setting for girls.

Our DD went to a super selective all girls grammar. She loved it and thrived. Most except boys at 6th form. None of the girls seem to struggle talking to boys from what I saw. They got an amazing education and mine excelled in the STEM fields. Would they at a mixed school? We will never know

Academically girls do better at an all girls school.

I went to a coed amd it wasn't usual fir girls to start being sexually active at 13.

So my lived experience is that your husband is right about boys.

I can only speak anecdotally but the girls schools near us growing up (and which joined our for various social / sporting events etc) had a serious bullying issue and (without trying to sound perjorative) the girls were really odd and absolutely boy-frenzied. Just one example though! Other schools may not have had the same issues.