All-girls school

[Gerranium]

DD is 6 and DH have started, in a very casual way, to talk about where she might go to secondary school. These aren’t firm decisions, obviously, just chatting about what we might want, so we’re forearmed in a few years when we do have make choices.

DH’s preference is for DD to go to an all-girls school - it’s a state school but selective, she’d have to sit and pass the 11-plus.

In fairness, it’s an exceptional school but I’m concerned about it being all-girls from a social perspective. DH is of completely the opposite
view - the main reason he likes it is because it’s all girls. When I ask why, he just says he knows what boys are like.

Is anyone being unreasonable?

Girls can be very very nasty. I have 2 daughters and a son none will go to same sex school I think it’s healthy for children to be around both and learn social skills that way

Keep in mind:

Single sex education doesn’t mean single sex life. You can go to a girls school, be a Scout, volunteer at the local steam railway etc etc.

Or you can go to a mixed school, do ballet, and be a girl guide.

What is your alternative? I think in mixed-sex secondary schools unfortunately there will always be a degree of unacceptable harassment and "banter" that crosses the line, so the question is - is your local coed school good at stamping down on it and protecting the girls in their care?

I would speak to parents with daughters there to find out about this, otherwise I agree with your DH. Girls should be entitled to a safe space at school to learn and develop in.

Id be more concerned at your DH

He doesnt know "what boys are like" - he knows what he was like and he alone.

Red flag

What a very misogynistic comment.

He’s right. He knows what teenage boys are like. They are like that.

I went to an all girls grammar school in the mid 1980s. I passed the 11+ (just) & really struggled academically & was bullied as well. Girls can be incredibly bitchy, at any school, but with all girls it really wasn’t nice.

I went to an all-girls school and although I had some issues with the school itself, I did like that girls were encouraged to do whatever subjects we wanted - participation in science / maths at A level was particularly high for the time. This didn’t always seem to be the case for friends at the mixed schools.

I did have activities outside of school where I mixed with boys, though. I wouldn’t have wanted to go to university / out into the working world with no social experience with the opposite sex.

Depends what "social skills" they're learning.

We didn’t have a significant bullying issue / lots of anorexia either, so that isn’t necessarily the case with all-girls.

I was in an all girls school and even girls college. Had a fantastic experience. No complaints at all. I was a bit shy to talk to guys at first but that has never been an issue or impacted on my social life in any way.

Baroness Warnock: "There is an air of sanctuary in a girls'school".

Anyone who has been inside one knows she is right.

Dd attended a girls school from 14 to 18 and she loved it. I think at the age she attended most girls had found their group and there was no pressure to fit in with other groups and you were accepted for who you were- no bullying, no unpleasantness.

You could look at research from the international coalition of girls’ schools to help your decision. https://girlsschools.org/advocacy/why-girls-schools/

For bright girls that are interested in stem, and to avoid the distractions of boys, an all girls school can not be beaten.

We found no bullying whatsoever at our DDs school, none at all. The school to be fair were all over it, so it never had the chance to flourish.

Girls get better grades in all girls schools , especially in maths.
Yes she/you will have to make the effort to socialise with boys. It’s never really been a problem at all for us.

I think of the horrors of up-skirting, social media, misogyny and the total disrespect some teen boys display, not to mention the impact on grades it does make girls schools very, very appealing, great friendships are generally formed too.

Girls do better academically in single sex schools. They’re more confident in subjects traditionally considered ‘male’ and don’t have to fight to have their ideas heard or use the equipment. Far from handicapping them, I think it gives them a boost.

The idea that all girls who go to girls’ schools don’t mix with boys and are gauche and incapable is rubbish. Many, many single sex grammar schools and private schools have a boys’ equivalent to the girls’ school. We often held mixed schools social events. We also sometimes swapped schools to take advantage of particular equipment or to attend events taking place. Obviously, we also went out to parties, clubs, etc etc, and met loads of boys.

I went to a girls school and I’m very glad I did. It didn’t really matter to me at the time that it was single sex, but afterwards I realised how confident it had made me. It certainly didn’t affect my relationships with boys and men.

There was very little bullying and we could spend the day in peace, not worrying about going to the toilet or sports or anything. There were no stupid, humiliating comments about our changing bodies or sneering or anything like what my friends suffered at their mixed schools.

It was just a really nice atmosphere, with a confidence-building, aspirational ethos. So, I’d say YABU, OP.

My local school is all girls. I was quite anti this when dd1 was your dd's age but mellowed over time and dd1 ended up going there. I think it's actually been a positive for her. She's 14 now and doesn't have any interest in boys (she may be gay but equally may just not be interested yet). There's a lot to come to terms with just finding yourself as a teen and not having to worry about whether you're fanciable to your fellow pupils etc has been a relief, especially with social media heightening the angst around this. She might well go to a mixed 6th form but she'll have skipped over the most awkward teen years by then.

Dd2 is about to go to secondary school and I've put a girls' school as first preference for her too, though would be happy with our second choice which is mixed.

I went to a mixed comprehensive and had a mixed friendship group by Y10. I probably hung out much more with other girls until then. It was good for me and what I wanted for my DC.

Where we live, the schools had historically been single-sex. That has changed now, but was still mainly the case when my oldest started secondary. As it happened, the only school we lived close enough to get into was single-sex. The set-up is that there is an all-boys school and an all-girls school on the same site. They're nextdoor to each other. Both are mixed in sixth form. It wasn't what I'd envisaged for my DC, but has turned out well for them.

DD found boys quite intimidating in Y7 and I think it's been good for DS to be in an environment where differences in maturity are less obvious.

DC1 is now in Y12, so classes are now mixed, and has started socialising with the opposite sex.

It's going to depend entirely on the individual what works for them. I don't think either you or your DH is unreasonable, OP. But I do think how happy children are in school is down to a much more complex set of factors than just single-sex vs mixed school. My DC are in good schools which encourage pupils to follow their interests and offer a range of extracurricular activities. Behaviour is pretty good, standards are high, teachers are good role models.

Incidentally, I visited a selective all-boys school with my DS and neither of us liked the vibe there. We both liked the all-boys comprehensive best of the schools we did visit. And just as well, as he wouldn't have got into anywhere else locally on distance.

I think all girls schools are much more appealing now than they ever were - given the hideous backdrop teen girls now face. When you get to that stage op you will understand what we mean.

It’s absolutely toxic, and having to deal with the level of every day sexism, misogyny and objectifying behaviour every single day is an endurance to say the very least.

It varies hugely, I do school admissions and the all girls school was hugely popular until there was a major problem (think suicide pacts and self harming ), now its half full and will be becoming mixed next year. Realistically a school may not be single sex by the time you apply anyway in the current climate. Being selective and 11+ you'll need to be realistic about what happens if she doesn't qualify for a place, your DH can have all the ideas he wants but that doesn't mean it's going to happen unless he's paying for an independent all girls school. Don't put all eggs in one basket!

Same for me. No question that DD will be going to an all girls secondary school when the time comes.

I went to a girls’ selective grammar school and I never found any difficulties in mixing with boys outside school. I would never have dreamt of going out with a boy of my age, but I’m sure if there had been loads of attractive sixth formers I would never have done any work. I felt the same with my daughter. She went to the same school as me, and I think she would have been distracted by older boys if it had been a coeducational school.

We have a state girls school near us, which is a good, sometimes outstanding school. I was really against my DD going, I didn’t want her to not mix with boys or make boys a huge deal. She has a dad and a brother and I figure she’ll be working with and living her life with men in it so why segregate now. I also found it weird that it’s a male head teacher.

She’s at a great school but I have to say some of the boys behaviour is terrible, but she’s made friends with boys and is doing sports and events and trips with boys and whilst her main friendship is with girls (and my sons friends are boys) I’m still pleased they are in a mixed school, together. I have heard some awful things about girls being really vicious - both in the mixed and single sex schools, so it’s not necessarily nicer.

My DD goes to an all girls school. It's been an absolutely brilliant experience for her.

A bigger friendship pool of girls.

Better behaviour in class times...she even said when she started it was easier to concentrate without boys mucking around.

Being able to do what she wants without the added pressure of impressing boys.

She has also been less exposed to overtly sexual talk...my ds came home on his first week of secondary school telling me some truly awful things he had over heard from older boys.

Its been the best choice for us.

All girls schools are schools not nunnery's. I went to an all girls school, had no brothers and still managed to have boy friends and friends who were boys.

the only issue I had was when I went to university and was baffled to discover that the boys in my lectures and tutorials somehow thought they had the right to talk over me simply because they were male. Er no!