To not want my mother in law to stay every month

[Autumnspicecandleleaves]

My mother in law stays over every single month without fail, usually towards the end of the month. She arrives Friday morning and leaves Monday sometimes Tuesday morning. She lives an hour away. When she’s here she doesn’t pay for anything, every month when she’s here we go out to eat because that’s her favourite thing to do but it’s started really grating on me that she doesn’t pay for a single thing and I know once a month isn’t a lot for her to visit but it really feels like it. She’s got lots of disposable income. Lives in a nice house and goes on holiday 6+ times a year.

When she’s here we get all the food she likes to making sure she has her favourite breakfast lunch dinner pudding snacks etc. She’s nice to me and is a nice lady but she grates on me. I should look forward to seeing her but I never do.

I feel like a bad person for getting annoyed with her. Does anyone have a similar experience ? Thank you x

A great outcome op. He can still go and see her but there’s no need for her to visit so frequently. Job done!

I was in a similar situation. Mil was coming every 4-5 weeks, also Friday to Monday. Our relationship was brilliant pre-kids. Then it broke. She just changed (though dh said she just reverted to how she was when he was growing up). I won't go into it all, she's not a bad person but the comments, digs, the fact when she was here was extra work instead of help, my last straw finally broke last Christmas and I said I've had enough and need some distance. We now have 2-3 months between visits and it's been going much better. Less tension, less arguments. I think mil wasn't happy at first but she has accepted it and has also taken a step back now. As I said, it has improved things.
Every month is too month, op, and you're allowed to change it.

That's a great update. Well done for talking to him, glad he responded in a good way. Every month would drain me too! Better to go visit her so it's just a few hours and perhaps a take away! Save her visits for Christmas!

But do you work? If so is he really donating your spare earrings to entertaining her as well as his own? If so, split the extra money and he can entertain and shop for his mum out of his, you will instantly feel better. He will be poor perhaps, but he thinks that’s worth it when it’s both your money so presumably he will still think it’s worth it when it’s just his. Or maybe not…

Sweet that they've maintained that relationship. My DH and MIL are really close and I'd hope for the same relationship with my son. My MIL has the odd moment of grating but is amazing and so generous with her time and energy.

I do sympathise though, when I've had to bring up the odd thing that's got to me, DH starts out defensive. He always supports me, and encourages me to speak to him about anything but I'm quite conflict averse anyway.

Can you talk to your DH and say look I love your mum but it has been feeling like a lot, could we make some small changes? Could you go visit her for a weekend instead? Could you (OP) be busy one weekend, maybe be there for one Friday night then go stay with a friend? Could you both be away for one weekend one month and leave it two months to the next one? Make one visit less time eg just Saturday to Sunday?

Do you ever go and visit her especially as she's just an hour away?

@Autumnspicecandleleavesgood outcome !

Great update OP!! Well done and I’m glad you feel better 💐

I get you OP. It’s the repetitive frequency that drives you crazy. Like it’s a scheduled event that you don’t look forward to and it looks ahead of you every month. It would be better if it were more sporadic and spontaneous but when it’s this set date every month it becomes an obligation and duty.

Good to see an update and that it had positive outcome. Well done OP

That’s a great update @Autumnspicecandleleaves

How has MIL reacted to this?

She's taking advantage
I wouldn't dream of letting my adult children pay for a single thing for me
I'd be arriving with tons of food and paying for everything.
Plus id not impose every month either

You sound normal.
Her MIL is not.
She's taking the piss and mean.
Many people travel to work for an hour.
I really hope the OP wakes up to what her future could be like, not good.
This is a MIL with no shame.

I would be mortified if my parent was so mean and imposed on us for 4 nights a month.

Why isn't he mortified?

Exactly

I'd be wary of having children with such a mommy's boy. You've not really said how she's been such an amazing mum. I mean, surely when you become a parent, your kids are your focus? Would i be right in assuming your DH is an only child?