DH talking about moving but I don't want to.

[AhBiscuits]

DH has come into some money and thinks we should move and buy a bigger house. I think our house is big enough. Since living here we have converted the loft and extended. There isn't really anything else we can do to increase space. We have 2 kids who are 8 and 10. They each have their own large bedroom, as do we, and we have a box room which is my office. He wants a 5 bed so that we can also have a guest room / room where he can put exercise equipment and just generally to have more space. The location of our house is perfect and I don't think we'd find somewhere else that ticks all the boxes this house does, space aside. Even if we did find this unicorn house, I just can't be arsed with it. The moving, the redecorating, you can guarantee that we'll want a different kitchen and/or bathroom. I hate living in a building site. What if the neighbours are dicks? I like our neighbours, we have a nice community. Why do we have to be constantly looking to upgrade? My brother bought his house at 25, has never moved and had paid off his mortgage by 50. That seems like a good thing to do to me.
I'd rather invest the money and give it to the children for their houses when they are looking to buy.

Agree with you, I'd much rather use that money to give my children a leg up in what will probably be an even harder time to buy in than move everyone for the sake of one extra room. In another decade you're most likely going to have empty bedrooms when the kids go to uni/move out so there'll be plenty of space, too much possibly!

I'd feel the same as you.
What about a summer house in the garden as gym/guest room as a compromise?

Would he like a spare bedroom for his family members and you don't because you won't have the excuse any longer to say they can't stay 😁 To be fair? You've got an extra room for yourself and it sounds like that's what he'd like too.

I don't think there is any harm going to have a look at a few houses, and seeing what they offer and least then you can then make a informed decision on current house & lifestyle versus what you have seen.

No I couldn't be arsed with moving in this situation. I second a garden room.

If I lived in a nice place, nice house, community like that, I wouldn't move.
I would just keep saying no, not happening.
Your children are at a delicate age, pre teen, security and friends become so important.

Don't mess with it.

Do you need a guest room?

Is there room in garden for a shed to have gym stuff?

Im in agreement with you. Pay off the mortgage. Best feeling ever

In 6 to 8 years you may need less room and likely be looking to downsize, so it sounds like an extra move and expense to me. The move to a 5 bed needed to be at least 5 years ago to have got the maximum gain.

We were in a similar situation and DID move but we gained the garden facing the right way, which was important to us.

Dont undersetimate the cost of new bathrooms etc. Ours cost £15k. Thought it would have been £7k, but everything is very expensive these days.

You can get a really nice garden room for the price of the stamp duty alone these days.

Don't fall for lifestyle creep.

What do your pensions look like? Reduce mortgage, max out isas. Set up sipps for the kids etc.

Neither of you are wrong or unreasonable.

This is what I would do: make sure he knows you prefer to stay where you are; let him look on Rightmove if he wants to; only go and look at another house if it looks absolutely amazing and you could see yourself living there happily.

Is a summer house for the garden an option?

I agree with this. Neither of yabu.
What are the dynamics usually like in your relationship...
Would you say you both compromise equally or does one person compromise more than the other?

We don't have space for a summer house as things stand. In the garden we already have like a little hut with beanbags in where the kids tend to hang out with their friends, a huge trampoline, swings and a slide. Getting rid of any of that atm would be unpopular with the little people. Getting rid of the little hut alone would not create enough space for a summer house.

We're in a private cul-de-sac and currently the kids go and knock the doors of their friends and play out on their bikes and scooters. All the neighbours look out for eachother's kids and there's always an eye out the window on them from somewhere. It will be so hard to find somewhere else where we could allow them that level of freedom at their ages.

It's just nice here. I think moving is a bit short sighted. The play equipment will go eventually, the children will move out (even faster if we can gift them a wad of cash) and I just don't think moving is worth it.

I like the suggestion of making my feelings clear, but agree to view a house if it ticks enough boxes.

YANBU. Tbh it sounds like you've already found your "unicorn" house. No way would I want to give all that up for a guest bedroom and a little extra space.

The housing market is really difficult just now and who knows when or if, it will improve. Moving is stressful and exhausting and you have the house and neighbourhood you want right now.

Maybe looking at bigger houses and the financial implications of taking one on, will make your DH see that the grass isn’t always greener.

In 6 to 8 years you may need less room and likely be looking to downsize, so it sounds like an extra move and expense to me.

Based on the experience of many people I know, you will want extra space (particularly downstairs space) when your DC are teens and want somewhere to hang out with their friends that's not a family room or their bedroom (although depends how large the bedrooms are).

And when they get to young adults, you may be in the position I am in now that they can't afford to move out, and they get wfh/hybrid jobs, so you have to factor in office space for extra people as well. We have a 4 bed but the 4th bedroom has 2 desks in for 2 people to work (which is less than ideal due to the nature of jobs and being on the phone) and the dining room is also frequently used as office space, so we have less space downstairs.

That said, I would look to move in the same area, or postpone it for a few years.

100 percent agree with you. Don't move.

This is a great idea, assuming the garden has enough space.

Don’t move , it’s something you both have to agree to.

As for the money . Spend it. At nearly
60 I can say experience over things. The twee expression ‘make memories’ resonates loudly.

I see both sides.

Moving is stressful, but it's nice to have the ambition not to be in the same house all your life.

If money wasn't an issue, I'd have definitely wanted to upsize, but we've now done a loft conversion, a kitchen and additional living room extention, so there's no point now, especially as the mortgage is paid and kids are older.

If you had the privilege of all the building works being done BEFORE you move in, that would be fantastic.. but that does require A LOT of ££££.

Well it that case, let dh do the ALL leg work, if finds something suitable then view it but ask the questions that you feel need a very good answer in order to think about moving.

Also question about future renovations, he must take this on if he's pushing the move.

OP, are you good with figures? You could work out the total cost of a move, including larger mortgage payments over, say, five or ten years, stamp duty, professional fees, movers' fees, any necessary repairs, improvements such as kitchen and bathroom(s).

Then compare that with the cost of rooms at a nearby hotel or SC accommodation for guests, with taxis if necessary, for however many visits they would make in those five or ten years.

I bet the first figure would be larger.

And that doesn't even factor in the stress (moving house is said to be the third most stressful single life event) and effects on your lifestyle and that of your children.

I think you’ll spend a huge amount on moving costs and that’s without the conveyancing stress (which is always horrific!). Plus your house and neighbours (kids friends in cul de sac) etc sound spot on, that’s always a gamble when moving. Within a short period of time, the kids grow up, are out more and then clear off to Uni so you’ll have more room anyway. Many think about downsizing then which again means more moving costs & stress. It goes quicker than you think. Being happy in the house you have is worth so much and not a given. Uncertain times too at the moment, regarding economy and housing market.

YANBU.

You need to talk to him

Why does it have to be either/or?
Stay where you are while the kids are at the playing outside state and consider moving in a few years once they are teens

If you don't want to move, can you turn your home office into a gym for your DH and you work from another room ?