20 year age gap!

[Lulumush]

I'm 53. Two kids in mid teens. Been single for 10 years for various reasons.

I've shut down the sexual side of myself to care for my kids and get through the pandemic and subsequent ill health from stress and work.

I've done online dating for years on and off with no success.

Two major life changes have almost just happened in the last 4 weeks without my conscious action

I'm leaving my 25 year career to do something different. Sick of the politics and corporate bollocks. Lawyers involved.

I went on a walking holiday without kids - first hols alone for 10 years- and connected with a man 20 years older than me.

I fancy him. We got on brilliantly. First man to make me laugh and with whom I felt a connection for bloody years. Loads in common. He asked for my number on the last day and we've spoken three times this week. Wants to meet up for walk, dinner and probably more in a few weeks. I like everything about him. No red flags. Family man with 4 grown up kids. Divorced. Just lovely.

I'm 💯 confused. What do.i do. He's far to old isn't he? Should I friendzone him? Or meet him and see how things progress? I know he finds me attractive as he's made it very clear on the phone this week.

Help! Part of me wants to use this time to challenge myself. I want / need some joy in my life both professionally and personally.

Thoughts welcome.

47, he was 66 xx Edited to add.
I thought he was my forever within a few weeks, I knew in a few months. We met and married in 2.5 years xx

I shag a man in that age bracket regularly and I promise, sex is better than men Ive had In all other age brackets!

My partner is 66 and I’m 54. Absolutely no problems whatsoever in the bedroom dept. Quite the contrary. I think it does help if they’re fit and healthy which your man is OP. Enjoy yourself! Dating is different post 50 - just go for what you find enjoyable and live life to the fullest

Did you miss the part where OP said that he's a mountain guide for a hiking group.... AND he sailed a boat from Portugal to Falmouth (UK) this summer, ALONE. SOLO!!!
I'd say this man is not going to need a carer any time soon

It sounds as though you're going to go for it, OP, so I wish you all the very best with it.

You said at the beginning that you were worried that you would hurt him because you didn't want anything long-term. In your position, I would be more concerned that I was going into it for a fling and then developed feelings. Then you really would have a dilemma.

At 73, with the best will in the world, he may need chemical assistance.....

If you aren't bothered about the age difference just go ahead and see how it goes. You're not asking if you should marry him.

I ended a 10 year relationship as my partner was spiralling into addiction. I’m 62 tried online dating but it was terrible mostly men looking for sex. Messaged one guy as he was gorgeous never expected to hear anything back. We started chatting had loads in common. He is 41. Of course the age thing bothers me but I’m happy in the relationship, he makes me laugh we have similar interests etc. I don’t know where this will end but at the moment it’s good. Just be clear with him what you want. Good luckxx

@MusicMakesItAllBetter thank you! I didn't like to keep repeating myself but he's definitely not a stereotypical elderly type and frankly that's why he's so attractive.

@WaryHiker it's crossed my mind that I could. But I've had such an awful few years and haven't dated in so long that I feel that I need to do this and I will regret it if I don't. Another pp made a comment that really resonated which was that this could be the confidence boost that I need. Ive been very low for a while - almost subconsciously I've hidden myself away as I put on a lot of weight from years of stress and illness. Coming out of that now is starting to make me feel my old self again and a flirt and some fun is really what I need. I see this almost as a spring board to new beginnings and some freedom from my previous life.

I might not be making any sense at all!

I cannot wait for your update!! x

That is the situation op is in- younger woman, older man, it makes no sense to give experience the other way around?

Imagine introducing this 73 year old to your kids in their mid teens?!

Imagine bringing him along to a friend’s 50th party and introducing him as your boyfriend

Wow, shock horror, I introduced my older man as my boyfriend until I only went and married him, and its still the best decision I ever made.
My friends didn't even comment, nor did my kids other than to congratulate us

Hi all

Thought I'd give you an update on things as I met up with him today for the first time since we met.

Long story short- the attraction is no longer! We had a lovely day walking and then a pub lunch but from the minute I saw him I realised that my holiday excitement had well and truly gone.

He was lovely and think he wanted more (very tactile to begin with) but the spark had gone out for me.

So there you are.

However, I haven't been sitting on my laurels while we arranged a meet up. I've started to set up a 45+ singles community local to where I live, with a view to running regular social events and activities in the new year. Logistics, activities and venues etc all tbc!

However, I haven't been sitting on my laurels while we arranged a meet up. I've started to set up a 45+ singles community local to where I live, with a view to running regular social events and activities in the new year. Logistics, activities and venues etc all tbc!

Thank you for the fabulous update, and your 45+ singles community sounds brilliant, I wish you luck with it

My dad ran 3-4 miles 3 times a week at 75. At 82 (after a serious but not life-threatening illness a couple of years ago) he struggles to get up the stairs or walk to the end of the road.

If you’re ready for the potential to become this man’s carer in less than a decade, and willing to take that on, pursue it. If not, friendzone him. At his age I don’t think “friends with benefits” or casual dating is a realistic outcome.

What did he do wrong? Feel a bit of sympathy for him unless he was a knobhead to you.

@Elektra1did you not read my update from 5 mins ago?!

@noidea69 The attraction wasn't there anymore unfortunately. This was the first time I'd met him since the holiday in October.

Sorry yes - I saw that after I posted.

Well .... On to the next one.... 😉
Thanks for updating us