20 year age gap!

[Lulumush]

I'm 53. Two kids in mid teens. Been single for 10 years for various reasons.

I've shut down the sexual side of myself to care for my kids and get through the pandemic and subsequent ill health from stress and work.

I've done online dating for years on and off with no success.

Two major life changes have almost just happened in the last 4 weeks without my conscious action

I'm leaving my 25 year career to do something different. Sick of the politics and corporate bollocks. Lawyers involved.

I went on a walking holiday without kids - first hols alone for 10 years- and connected with a man 20 years older than me.

I fancy him. We got on brilliantly. First man to make me laugh and with whom I felt a connection for bloody years. Loads in common. He asked for my number on the last day and we've spoken three times this week. Wants to meet up for walk, dinner and probably more in a few weeks. I like everything about him. No red flags. Family man with 4 grown up kids. Divorced. Just lovely.

I'm 💯 confused. What do.i do. He's far to old isn't he? Should I friendzone him? Or meet him and see how things progress? I know he finds me attractive as he's made it very clear on the phone this week.

Help! Part of me wants to use this time to challenge myself. I want / need some joy in my life both professionally and personally.

Thoughts welcome.

My husband is 20 years older than me and the sex is incredible at 60 and 80 weve been together nearly 19 years Have an honest conversation and go for it!

Whose to say he doesn't do any sport still?
From what the Op says, he doesn't appear to be knocking on deaths door any time soon.
Maybe he plays tennis and takes Viagra 😁 I hope for @Lulumush sake that he does because this bit of fun sounds just like what she needs right now

Love this!! Good for you (both)

Indeed.

Definitely this. My ex is 70s. A bit older than your bloke but not that much. I'm older than you.

A BIG part of why we're not together now was the expectation that I'd step into the 'wife/nurse' role. No thanks.

Friends, yes! Lovely.
Relationship, no. Don't go there.

Ask yourself why he doesn't have a woman his own age?

Go for it. These kinds of instant connections are rare in life and in my view it’s a huge mistake to turn them down because you’re afraid of taking a risk. Nobody’s asking you to make a lifelong commitment, just see where it goes and enjoy it.

Have something short term and fun.

The truth is his health is going to decline in the next 5 years.

Use it as a foray back into dating for you, and a confidence builder. As long as you're upfront you're not after anything long term and serious or exclusive, and he's on the same page then it's all good!

Enjoy the New Relationship Energy 😊

@MusicMakesItAllBetterhe's a mountain guide for a hiking company and he sailed back from Portugal to Falmouth this summer single handedly. He's v fit.

I'm hopefully meeting him in two weeks. I have no idea how it will pan out. I might decide he's not for me or I might decide not. I'll keep you all updated!

But to be 💯 clear I will not be marrying this guy and I won't be becoming his carer! However, life's too short to not explore things with people you connect with. God knows I've made too much effort with people who give me nothing back in the past. He's different and he's worth the investment of my time at the moment.

Seize the day.
Just be clear on your boundaries.
He sounds great and you have a connection. Why not?

Fgs all this talk of 73 years old and being a carer!! 73 year olds are a lot fitter than they used to be. I'm 62 and I am a carer, for my son and that will continue until I draw my last breath. My best friend is 81 and she goes out walking every single day. On the other hand I lost another friend to breast cancer when she was only 46. Nobody knows how fit they are going to be at any given age. Just enjoy yourself with this man.

He sounds wonderful!!! I woukd absolutely go for it.

Definitely go for it. Pps are bring ridiculous! There's no commitment in meeting up! If anything develops, you can decide what to do then. There are huge differences between fit and unfit people at many ages. And not everyone's health begins to decline in their 70s.

Life is short. If you make each other happy, find each other attractive, then go for it. For what it’s worth I’m a similar age to you and my partner is 24 years older. I’ve not had to care for him in any serious capacity but he has cared for me when I had a serious health issue. Just because he is older doesn’t mean that you’ll end up wiping his bum!

Good for you!
You're too young to not be exploring life still

I’m laughing at all the post saying sex will be an issue.
dh is 68 and shows no signs of slowing down in that department
go for it and enjoy yourself

OMG, no. No way in a million month of Sundays would I want to be in a relationship with a man 20 years older than me. Not at any age, let alone in my early 50s, and with 2 teen children too. As has been said, you're setting yourself up to have a life as a carer, when you should be at a point in life where you'e enjoying yourself, and your new found freedom.

He is probably trying to get himself a carer (for the near future) too. Proceed with caution. Avoid like the plague.

For most men aged nearly 70, sex will be an issue though. Good for you if you have a duracell bunny for a husband - even at 68. I honestly wouldn't be wanting to shag a man of around 70 though, especially if I was only just out of my 40s! (Like the OP.)

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I have no idea what you are trying to get at but it doesn’t matter if its male or female?? My mum is 16 years older than her husband and they have been together 25+ years.
Age is irrelevant, sounds like OPs man has more get up n go than most of the men i know in their 30s, just because someone is older/younger does not mean they will be healthy/ poor heath- thus making age irrelevant xx

You say 'it doesn't matter if it's male or female' yet in every single post here, it's the woman who is decades younger than the man.

And of course age is not irrelevant. Why do you think health insurance premiums are much higher for older people? What age group makes up the vast majority of NHS patients? Sure, you can get sick at any age but to claim that age has no bearing on health or other lifestyle factors is nonsense.

I’m that case go for it and have fun! If you like him he’s presumably got a younger outlook. I don’t see a problem.

I married a man 19 years older than myself.

Hands down, best thing i ever did

How old were you when you married him?

For friendship, sex and laughter, why not? As long as you’re clear that’s absolutely all you’re interested in. You’ve still got some parenting commitments with your teenagers (mine are 20 and 17 so I’m at a similar stage :-) plus your Dad’s health issues, so you don’t want to take on anymore. Keep it casual and fun.

I agree with PP's. Not everything has to be a relationship. So long as you are both clear what is on offer go for it. I was on a walking holiday and there was a very handsome, very charming man in his early 70's who admitted that he loved walking holidays around the UK and had various women around the country that he would meet up with a weekend and a bit of fun. One of the women on the holiday who was about 65 hooked up with him on the holiday and had also made and arrangement for him to visit her afterwards. Everyone knew what the offer on the table was and agreed to it. I was also on another walking holiday when a woman who had been widowed about 6 months had a 'click' with a single gent her own age (50's), She wasn't sure whether to get involved but the advice we all gave her was to have fun for the week and then decide if she wanted any contact afterwards. He was happy with this.

@helpfulperson Walking holidays appear to be a good place to meet men!