To ask if you would agree with a law forcing absent parents to step up?

[LisaSimpsonsHamster]

I was reading a post on another group and wondering what other people thought. Should there be laws forcing absent fathers to step up and parent their children? (I’m more referring to absent fathers who have multiple children with the same person/ planned children rather than ONS where father disappears completely before the child is born but can include those if you want) but the post I seen was referring to the former type. I don’t mean financially but should they actually be forced to be a parent? Aibu to say I can’t see how this would work out and I don’t think it’s beneficial for the children which is why there isn’t a law forcing this but people were arguing that they have been forced to be a full time parent.

Then they would not feel this way. The mums i spoke to were angry that their exes got off with no responsibility and no amount of money can make up for that. They repeatedly said it wasnt about the money but mumsnet is obsessed with money so cant have a discussion that doesn't include it

Thankyou. My exH and I have been friends for more than 20 years and together for 15. We went through fertility struggles to have our daughter, and he was a loving and committed father and husband right until the point he left. It was completely unexpected and neither of our families can make sense of it. Not really sure how else I could have vetted him better.

The problem with this idea is that it will then just punish the next woman and children these feckless fuckers will inevitably end up with. And MN is already full of posts from second partners complaining about the maintenance their man has to pay to his previous children.

The only workable and credible answer to all this is to cut off their goolies.

You cannot force someone to be a parent. A solicitor told me that not long after I left my ex husband and it really stuck with me - often have to remind myself when he doesn’t see the children for weeks, let’s them down at the last minute or makes promises that never materialise.
It’s an absolutely ridiculous suggestion that a law would be passed to make parenting legally enforceable - who in their right mind would want their children to be brought up by somebody that doesn’t want them?!

Depends if the absent parent is making choice to be absent or has been pushed out I guess. Over the years I have know both scenarios.

No, having in a child life an adult that don’t give a damn and shows it is a terrible idea. Probably they separate because they realised that so what on earth would that give to the child??

Law can’t command Love. If someone don’t love their children, they are better out.

No. And the parent should lose their parental responsibility after x amount of years absent

Step up or step away and lose all rights

Forced to work step up and pay towards their child's life to make sure they are OK.
Not made to have contact though imagine an uninterested parent with a child how unfair on the child how would that help a child grow up to be well balanced.

I have to say that when I see single parents, almost always mums, struggling financially with children, my first question is, where are the fathers? The state pays a fortune to support these parents and the absent parent should be made to contribute whether in money terms or parenting.

Yes I think men should be forced to take responsibility for their children.

If they are disinterested and/ or neglectful then there should be social work intervention and child neglect charges.

Women aren't automatically excellent parents just because the father is a selfish feckless sack of shit. Plenty of mothers also just want an easy life, but they wouldn't be allowed to just stop being a parent, so nor should men.

It shouldn't be optional; there should be harsh consequences on men who are not parenting adequately.

Women shouldn't be the default parent.

The sort of people who are absent and irresponsible parents are unlike to be able to be forced to do this, also may not be in child's best interests. For maintenance absolutely.

I do feel strongly about the ones who want to be present but the Mums hold the cards and power. A friend, split up with his partner, adores his child and is a wonderful dad. However the Mum can be dysfunctional and a control freak and a hypocrite. She will lay demands, blow hot and cold, use the threat of not allowing access, when of course she has no right to. There doesn't seem to be enough support for this kind of situation without going down the expensive legal route with courts and solicitors. Mums who abuse their position with no care about the child's welfare and use them as a parent.

Other side of the coin, equally as unfair. Xx

If an absent parent is so disinterested in their child, then it makes no sense to force them to be a parent to the point that social services then have to step in. That is not fair on the child.

No one is forced to be a parent.

Have to agree with this, it would be a disaster

Forcing people who have already neglected and abandoned their kids with childcare against their will? Nothing could go wrong there

They argued that they are being forced to be parents, full time parents, they don’t get to walk away (well they could but most won’t)

I think all fathers should be made to pay and maintenance should go towards mean testing of benefits. Too many people play the system and say they are single parents just because dad is registered to live elsewhere but actually lives with mother and children. I say this because I know of 5 women who have the dad living with them but claim the full UC FSM etc.
I just think they should be made to pay and it then come off the benefits, there would be a lot less people claiming

How on earth can you force people.
They shouldn't need forcing anyway.

Agree about having to pay though.

You mean ensurkng they dont breed.

Also it places such pressure on housing.
Often its mum looking for housing from the council with kids. Where are tge father/s?
They walk away and aren't worried about the kids housing. It's very unattractive.

Well, they need to use some of their maintenance for a babysitter then!

My DD is 6, father said he wanted nothing to do with us as soon as I told him I was pregnant, and he's stuck to that. Do I need a break, absolutely! Do I want him to be the one giving me the break, absolutely not!!!

Are you a single parent? Or is that I hypothetical "id rather have 50/50"?

Because 50/50 wouldn't work if one parent was being forced into it. Would I want my DC to spend half their time with someone who doesn't want them there? Of course not.
50/50 only works with 2 involved parents.

I'd rather have had the maintenance. As it was I had neither.

It’s all hypothetical. Yes I am a single parent (the group I seen it on was for single parents) but I’d rather have an involved ex who cared for the child 50/50 and receive no maintenance than an absent ex and any amount of maintenance as no money can make up for an absent father.

Fucking judgemental much. I'm so sick of the whole 'women should choose better' bullshit trope.

My sons dad was a head teacher. Respected, well liked, doting father that desperately wanted a child.

Until one day 6 years later he didn't.

Please tell me how I should have consulted a crystal ball to find out he would have a personality transplant in 6 years time

So sick of this being put on women

Do better yourself...

You can take a horse to water but you can't it drink; in short, mo.