Would you go to the CMS?

[MyTrivia]

We have a 5 year old ds. Ex is a high earner but won’t tell me how much he earns. He gives me an amount of money which doesn’t cover everything. But if I ask him how much he earns, he won’t tell me and says it’s none of my business. He says he has to put a lot of his salary into a pension.

He then says that I should be grateful for what he gives me and that people only go to the CMS when the NRP refuses to pay anything.

The CMS would surely calculate what is fair? Even if I end up worse off at least I can see on paper how it’s supposed to be.

Do people often use the CMS or is it a vindictive thing to do as he says?

Go to CMS, takes the emotion out of it.

Why wouldn’t you go via CMS? Why are you believing what the person who doesn’t want to give you money is telling you? Do you think he has your best interests at heart?

Do you currently get £400 plus a month OP? How many days/nights does your ex do?

CMS is easier because you will know the salary of your ex and have an annual review each year. You could use the online calculator online to work out what you would get roughly.

Unless he shows you he’s paying the CMS amount I’d go to CMS, why wouldn’t you?

You don’t need his permission to go through the CMS. Is he self employed? What he pays isn’t meant to cover everything, it’s a contribution of a percentage of his income. There’s a chance what you get goes down as well as up.

I mean there are so many variables - how much does he pay you now? When you say he’s a high earner, do you mean 60 grand or 160 grand? Does he contribute to the mortgage? Did he let you have the house? Is he an asshole with money? Do you have to go cap in hand to him?

He’s not self employed. I am not sure how much he earns but it’s probably about £120k a year plus commission.

Our situation is a bit complicated because our child has a disability - won’t go into details because its outing. But he has higher care needs that cost more money than the average child. Hence why I’m struggling.

Child does not stay overnight due to needs.

Ex says I should write a book - apparently it’s easy to earn money that way.

I was advised by a solicitor to go through the CMS for the sake of all involved

Incidentally, I understand that diverting money into a pension reduces the income used for the CMS calculations

It does, yes.

Run the figures through the on-line calculator and see how it compares to what he currently gives you

Does he pay anywhere close to what he would owe for that salary?

If you think he earns approx 120k do the calculation based on that

If I do that, it suggests he under paying me by about £350 a month.

Then, my goodness, go through the CMS. It isn’t being vindictive, it is money for your child.

CMS it is then.

Go to CMS absolutely no question.. life is much harder when you are supporting dc with disabilities, are they getting dla as well (nothing to do with anyone) and carers allowance for you? Blue badge if needed etc.. talk to your local carers centre to make sure you and dc are getting what you need...

He has sent me a message saying that I should retrain or upskill so that I can earn more money - not expect him to pay more.

He can’t possibly see that the only way he can do the job that he does is because I look after our daughter full time.

So there you have it, apply to CMS today.

Just pointing out that you said in your OP that his contribution doesn't cover everything. It's not meant to, it should cover half of everything.

But just go through CMS. Your child is entitled t that money.

What you earn OP has no bearing on the calculation. Go to CMS. He’ll have done the calculations himself and just doesn’t want to pay.

You don't get more money because the child had a disability. Can you say how much you are getting? People will probs be able to tell you if CRM would award more. the CMS calculator is here. https://child-maintenance.dwp.gov.uk/calculate/complete

a 120 salary suggested a 1k monthly payment

Do you get DLA? If you don't work, you should also get UC with disability elements etc which should add up.

Yes I do know that. What I meant is that it doesn’t cover half. Both parents are supposed to contribute but if one is much more well off than the other (which is bound to happen when a child has a disability) it’s expected that they share that with their child. Solicitor told me this years ago.

You don't get more money because the child had a disability.

But it does mean that I can’t work as much as I could otherwise.

Definitely go to CMS, let them do everything. Especially as you have your daughter her 100% of the time.
I assume you've looked into benefits for children who keed extra care, consider looking at charities also who can be really supportive.
It's a really tough situation. But CMS takes away some of the control your ex currently has around money, gives you one less negative conversation to have with him.
He may kick off and try to up his time with your daughter to lower CMS. However, given your daughter's disabilities and you'll have loads of evidence to show that you've always been the main carer, I doubt he will have a chance.

I know (both of mine have disabilities, one is severely disabled) but you do get DLA, carers allowance, universal credit etc etc. It's not like you are left with nothing. The state steps in here.

Have you tried to find a job? I know it's hard but not impossible (I don't have a support network at all and I do work despite having 2 complex children. It's not easy but definitely not impossible - it's part time only though).