What’s my employers’ duty of care? Should I expect more?

[Sillyquestion123]

I work in a client facing role and yesterday one of clients verbally abused me. He even used swear words and it’s all recorded. I’m still shaken by the ordeal.

My manager reassured me it was not my fault, and she’d listen to the recording , but that was about it.

Im still in charge of that account until I hear otherwise.

ive never been in this situation before so I really know if should be expecting more or not.

In that case I think you also need to acknowledge what you want your company to do is terminate his account and lose his business. Because there is no way you can put in a complaint to his HR team and that not be the outcome.

Yes, your manager needs to communicate to them that it was unacceptable language and perhaps you can also source some sort of course regarding dealing with difficult customers. There are strategies you can use to try to de-escalate. It’s not nice but we all learn from these experiences.

And of course it's normalised. Pupils in many schools have been allowed to get away with using that kind of language directly to staff for years.

Be glad you don't work in the public facing parts of the public sector, where daily interactions risk verbal abuse, unfair blame, and generally depressing behaviour that makes you question why you bother. And that's just from colleagues 😂

in seriousness if you can't chalk this up, a different colleague needs to be assigned to this work. Worth knowing though that once someone has been an utter knobber with you sometimes next time around they are a bit embarrassed at themselves, and I will often start the next consultation with something like 'hopefully we're all feeling a bit calmer this time' and do my best teacher look.

Try to separate the behavior from what he was frustrated and angry about.

This is the correct advice, but there has to be a line. OP hasn't really made it clear how the language was used. I'd forgive someone who was justifiably upset/frustrated shouting "The c..ting files are never done on time", but if that person were to call* me *a c..t, that would be the end of my dealing with them.

OP - it’s horrible to have to deal with this behaviour and no one should be put through it whether at work or home.

There are some jobs that you experience it more in and therefore become accustomed to it, doesn’t make it OK though.

See if they will send you on a course, they can be really helpful. For what it’s worth it sounds like you dealt with it well in the moment.

Now go for a run or do something to drain all the leftover Adrenalin and focus on doing something nice with people you feel safe with.

And for anyone (like me) whose never heard of c-suite

Neither you nor your employer have any control over what (if anything) his employer chooses to do about this. You or someone else from your side can tell them, but thinking about complaining to their HR etc is a hiding to nothing. You're not their employee.

What is in your control:
You can say that you don't want to deal with this client again, and expect your employer to take that seriously and look at other options.
You can work on and mentally prepare ways to end the call in similar circumstances. It is understandable that you were blindsided this time, but could have strategies for it happening again (hopefully it won't!)
If you find the incident has shaken your confidence in your work or is distressing you past a few days you should raise that with your line manager and explore together employee assistance options that might be available to you.

What is in your employer's control:
They could terminate the contract, say that no one from your company will deal with that individual again, or reallocate dealing with him to someone else. The last of these is a bit unsatisfactory as no one should be expected to deal with an abusive client so reallocating him doesn't help unless it is a personal clash between you, which it doesn't sound like.
They could make it clear to you all that you are allowed and expected to end any call or meeting that becomes aggressive.
They could arrange some additional training so that the team as a whole is better prepared for difficult conversations.
If you are personally distressed by this beyond the short-term they should look at employee assistance options.

There are plenty of outcomes. The account could be given to someone else, the client could assign a new point of contact on their end...the rude man could apologise to OPs satisfaction 🤷🏻‍♂️

I think some bit were like:

”it’s shit, why can’t you get your act together”

”Your system is beyond useless, why is it so fucking difficult?”

the c* is slightly more difficult to translate into context, but it would be similar to a “fuck” said in frustration. However the word still means the same: female genitalia.

Recent law changes mean that (if your employer is in the UK) they are liable for bullying or harassment you experience (& if he called you a cunt that sounds like harassment, as well as the general bullying). Put it in writing to your LM that his behaviour was unacceptable & harassment. Ask for the support you need - whether that's to be taken off this account, for a clear policy and/or training on how to deal with this kind of behaviour, for your management to take it up with his, etc. If they're any good your employer will take it seriously & act to protect you & other employees from future occurrences. If not, you will have a paper trail.

www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

OP i so sorry this happened to you. How awful. I think it’s completely normal to have frozen in shock and reacted later on.

I hope you manage to get him moved to someone else. He might be stresse but it’s no reason to talk to you in such a foul manner

Ok, well that's quite different then. Still not acceptable language to use in a professional setting, but I'd say this is more general swearing than him specifically targeting/berating you.

Obviously as the company representative you're the one taking the brunt of it and it's not a nice feeling, but if I was your employer I'd expect you to find a way to work past this. I would absolutely be raising it with the client though.

Yes, we’re UK based, this client in question is in Spain.

When I was in a customer facing role, it unfortunately was a common occurrence to experience such issues - not that it makes it ok in the slightest. I was verbally abused on a regular basis, sworn at, even received death threats and all that happened was a letter issued warning the customer against such behaviour. After many years of this, I left the job as I’d had enough of being treated in such an appalling manner. I hope your employers have a better way of dealing with things.

What does your bullying and harassment policy say? Laws were tightened up last year in regards to harassment by third parties and your policy should reflect this. If you don't feel it's been handled properly you can raise a grievance. What would you like the company to do? Refuse service to then, move you to a different account? Speak to HR, it would help if you have an outcome you want.

I think part of your confusion and being at the ‘freeze’ or ‘fawn’ parts of your reaction is due to you wanting to save the account and show that your professional opinion of how to make this business relationship work. All understandable but it muddies the waters as he attacked you personally. I also suspect that he realises the business situation your company is trying to help him unpick is a shitshow so he is lashing out to save him from reflecting on the actual mess.
You need clarity both personally and professionally to get beyond this and stop it affecting how you work with other clients.
Ask your company for one-to-one coaching/business counselling to unpick how this feels personally and to rehearse how to control a conversation that gets to this level ie practise the clear boundary setting.
Talk to your seniors/equals so that you can find out if they have your back or just want to hang on to the contract and the money.
If so then document your actions on this account, your perceived ways forward.
With your company buy-in write a report to his HR. Give them the recording.
You are advising his company and it is not your fault if he doesn’t want to take your professional advice. If he doesn’t then the relationship with your business will fail and there is a risk that he will badmouth both your company and you as a professional so it could all end up costing your company more than losing this one contract

Your comment is victim blaming.

It’s well known that people freeze in times of fear, give her a break.

Did he actually address abusive language to you directly, as in direct name calling?

He called me useless and a failure. So even though the actual swear words were not directed at me, he still used them and berated for 30mins or so.

Theres a duty to protect you from harm in the workplace. That’s generally known as recognised as including mental as well as physical health.

In practical terms, a fairly standard approach would be for someone to have a follow up conversation with the individual and make it clear that their behaviour was not acceptable, and not willing to work like that going forward. Explaining consequences if there’s a repeat (ending the call, closing the account etc). It would also sometimes include an explanation of what is an appropriate way for them to raise concerns about performance or escalate them. That can be done by the person who was on the receiving end, or someone more senior.

I can't believe a professional client would speak that way. Unless you made some monumental mistake that could close down his business or bankrupt him. But even then that language is totally unacceptable.

I thought it might have been a member of the public, not a business contact.

Presumably this client no longer wants you on their job? And you don't want to work with them anymore? Presumably there is something in place where you can hand it over and swap with someone? Or is the client willing to apologise?

He called me useless

Further up the thread you posted that he said "Your system is useless..."

I'm not trying to be pedantic, but there is a big difference between someone saying that about a process they are unhappy with, and them directly calling you as a person useless.

Again, it's still not acceptable language, but as an employer I would expect someone in a role that deals directly with client feedback to be able to separate the two, if not in the moment then after the fact.

Well ironically (or almost Stockholm syndrome) I want to remain in the account because I enjoy working with his team, obviously not him.

Both of his teams are really nice and a real pleasure to work with.

He said both are useless (our platform) and myself.

It may be not your usual experience, but it may be quite common, so they may not have realised how shaken it left you. Not saying that is right, but it's how it may be

Dh had a finishing a project meeting with a client a few weeks ago. One of his very experienced but not done many project meetings colleagues said afterwards, "Wow! They really drilled you!"
Dh was surprised and said, "That was quite light."

So it may not be treated as particularly bad by your colleagues.