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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To assume the cat is actually this much of an arsehole on purpose??

63 replies

dogscatsandbabies · 31/10/2025 18:44

Back from holiday today and the cat is AWOL. Been back about 5 hours with no sign of her. She has form for this.

We went away a few years ago and my Mum came in to feed her. Cat disappeared for several days which led to my mum losing a lot of sleep and planning how she was going to tell us she'd lost the cat (DM is a worrier).

To avoid the trauma to DM we asked a friend to feed her next time we went away and friend didn't see the cat for the whole 10 days, but had to assume all was ok-ish as some cat was coming in to eat the food. I really didn't enjoy the holiday as friend was honest about the cat situation (even though she took to spending hours at our house to try and spot the cat) and 10 days of no sightings was enough to remind me I am my mother's daughter. When we got back it was about 4 hours before the cat returned.

I pushed that next time we spent money on a cattery so i'd at least know where she was but cattery owner was honest on pick up that she hadn't settled and had seemed quite scared the whole time. Cat shouted at us constantly for 48 hours when we finally got her home.

So this holiday we asked a friend's daughter to stay for the week, thinking that would be nicer for the cat to be at home, but with company. She apparently did stay around and friend's daughter took some nice photos of her but now we're back.... crickets.

This is a cat who spends all day and half the night on my pillow when we're all at home.

So,
You are being unreasonable = you should be worried, you heartless human monster.

You are not being unreasonable = she's punishing you and she knows exactly what she's doing. Hold your ground.

OP posts:

nocoolnamesleft · 31/10/2025 18:46

Probably punishing you. And quite right too. What sort of Human Servant goes around abandoning their duties to disappear on holiday? You just can't get the staff.

Fingers crossed for an early reappearance.

MissConductUS · 31/10/2025 18:46

Cats do get angry when you leave, but I don’t think that makes them arseholes.

HierarchyOfMugs · 31/10/2025 18:47

You know you're being unreasonable. Cat slaves aren't entitled to holidays. Just stay at home always in case the cat deigns to need you.

bringonyourwreckingball · 31/10/2025 18:50

Mine does this. Normally happy to be an indoor cat but stays away for a week or so to prove a point when we go away for more than a week.

Arlanymor · 31/10/2025 18:53

You have a cat that truly feels part of your family. But they don’t process emotions the way we do… you’re being punished from the small brain of a cat who gets sad when you go. I have been here SO many times. But they are also the little furry friends who sit with you through sickness, who purr against you to lower your heartbeat.

But of course you are allowed to go away, you just can’t explain it to them. And they wouldn’t understand either way.

Olderbutt · 31/10/2025 18:54

nocoolnamesleft · 31/10/2025 18:46

Probably punishing you. And quite right too. What sort of Human Servant goes around abandoning their duties to disappear on holiday? You just can't get the staff.

Fingers crossed for an early reappearance.

This made me lol but I too the cat is punishing you.

QueenClinomania · 31/10/2025 18:55

Shes not an arsehole, she is just scared and upset when her family, from her point of view, vanish.

Make a big fuss of her and give her lots of treats.

Many years ago I had a cat who would show disapproval by shitting on my pillow.

You're getting off lightly

Pdbear · 31/10/2025 18:55

Definitely punishing you. We‘ve got 3 cats. When we return from holidays 2 cats go missing for at least a day and the other turns her back to us for a good few hours.

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 18:57

You didn't take her with you on holiday.
How cruel you are 😂
Seriously.... she's probably confused where you are and misses you.
(can we have a picture of her looking pissed off and moody 🥺)

Octavia64 · 31/10/2025 18:57

Yes the cat is punishing you.

get a tracker if you want to know where she is.

PuppyMonkey · 31/10/2025 18:58

My old cat would be furious with us if we went on holiday. He’d go round the house shouting for days afterwards.

EchoedSilence · 31/10/2025 18:58

Cat are arseholes in general.

Original poster

dogscatsandbabies · 31/10/2025 19:00

Octavia64 · 31/10/2025 18:57

Yes the cat is punishing you.

get a tracker if you want to know where she is.

Oh, this does make me laugh. She removes any collar we put on her faster than a member of the dreamboys removes their clothes. Unless you can get a tracker that is injected like the microchip, there is no chance.

OP posts:

Original poster

dogscatsandbabies · 31/10/2025 19:01

As requested, the queen giving me what for (not taken today. She remains elusive.)

To assume the cat is actually this much of an arsehole on purpose??

OP posts:

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 19:03

@dogscatsandbabies awwwww 😍
She's a beautiful little arsehole 😂
She'll forgive you in a few days.

Middlemarch123 · 31/10/2025 19:04

Aw she’s a beauty, I have one almost identical, right down to the white spot. She’ll be back, lots of cuddles and dreamies…they like routine, you disrupted hers, that’s all.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/10/2025 19:10

Does she even know that you're back? She could be hiding out the back, waiting for the lights to go off so she can sneak back in, completely unaware that it's her favourite person back home to keep half of her (the cat's) pillow warm again.

Maybe just try calling her in a nice voice? She might be so excited that you're back that she starts shouting now instead of tomorrow about the family of mice she's been hiding out with.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 31/10/2025 19:17

Cats have short memories - so she will avoid you for a while, then alternate between business as usual and remembering she is punishing you, then it will be back to normal. Takes about 5 days at my house.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 31/10/2025 19:27

EchoedSilence · 31/10/2025 18:58

Cat are arseholes in general.

Agreed.

Many years ago I had a cat who would show disapproval by shitting on my pillow. WTF did you do to that cat @QueenClinomania ?

CurlewKate · 31/10/2025 19:31

If a cat has the opportunity to be an arsehole, it will be an arsehole. Mine just managed to go from outside to eating the cheese on my jacket potato in the time it took me to go to the loo. Yes, it was hot!

Hotflushesandchilblains · 31/10/2025 19:39

Many years ago I had a cat who would show disapproval by shitting on my pillow

Years ago I had a surgery which meant I was on crutches. One of my cats decided that since I was slow getting up and around, it was a perfect time to practice claw sharpening on the furniture, having never done it before (or after). I had a water pistol and squirted her (one of the other cats had been chewing my plants so I had prepared for that). Anyway, furniture scratcher went straight into my bedroom and shit on the pillow. Some cats do that to show their anger.

I put her out immediately. And told her how disappointed I was in her when she came back in. She never did it again.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 31/10/2025 19:43

She's lovely!

Persephoneofhell · 31/10/2025 19:47

Yes my cat is an absolute git about holidays also.
Now banned from various catteries so he gets locked in the house and we pay someone to come in to serve him ( a very lovely cat lady).
He still behaves badly but at least I know he is completely safe and comfortable.
To avoid the stress of a missing cat I advise just locking them in when you go away that way you at least see they are ok before they go and sulk down the garden.
Ours is a docile cuddly creature with us who demands constant cuddles. When we are away he is a badly behaved monster who then yells at us for at least 48 hours on our return. Cats truly can be arseholes!

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/10/2025 19:47

As long as you know that animals don't think that way or process things that way and can't be punishing you in reality...

What you're seeing is the result of several days of stress, and there are a variety of responses, from disappearing off as a 'wahoo finally it is safe for me to go parade my territory again' to yelling at you to test that you really are back and in charge again and everything in between.

Cats don't take to change all that well, but this isn't a huge surprise as literally no one habituates and socialises cats they way they do dogs.

CornedBeef451 · 31/10/2025 19:51

One of mine sulks when we get back from holiday, although she does it very ostentatiously so at least we can see she is safe.

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