To be upset by school mums

[Jam177]

My DD (5yo) has two best friends at school, they seem very close and DD is always asking for playdates. However the other girls’ mums continually shut it down – if I ask in person they have an excuse and if I ask in a WhatsApp group they simply ignore me. They are friendly to my face but I don’t think they like me much (they are closer with each other) – but if that’s the issue surely they can rise above it for the sake of the kids? I’m at a bit of a loss what to do and feel really bad for my DD who just wants to see her friends outside of school. Any advice would be greatly appreciated xx

I’ve been on both sides really but don’t take it personal. I do however ask only ask once then leave it up to them to ask as I hate being asked all the time. I did have one mum continuously ask me and we was genuinely busy, however found it strange she kept asking/saying the girls were best friends when it was the same girl my daughter was coming home crying about every day who wasn’t very nice to her. She was a bit confused when she was called into the school one day about it but still didn’t stop her from asking🤦🏽‍♀️ there is also some kids I really don’t mind her having over regularly but there’s others that have been a one and done because it has ended up awful🤣

For what it’s worth this goes away as they get older. Once they are at high school they organise their own social lives.
I would invite other dc on play dates for now, ones that might appreciate it.

You can always say you're busy but could drop your child off? And then tell the mum that she's welcome to drop her child off when she has something to do?

I had similar where my daughter was in a 3, but I didn't like either of the other kids 🤣 I really clicked with a couple of different parents, so weekends we would do softplays, farms and the children would okay together lovely. By yr 1 (after 6 weeks of seeing the other friends regularly) my daughter almost forgot about the other 2 girls and was happy to see out weekend/holiday friends every day in school.
I would suggest finding a parent you can chat with and arrange pkay dates with them instead x

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this it’s absolutely horrible. Let’s not
make excuses for these 2 adults, they are well aware you’re trying to arrange a play date, and also aware they are not responding, which is not only rude, but insulting when all you’re trying to do is give the girls a nice time. You could either ask them outright if you’ve done something to
upset them, or not give them another chance and steer your child into other friendships outside of school.
The school playground can be a hive for weirdo parents that make no sense whatsoever!

The two mums could possibly be long time friends and they don’t want other people coming in and mixing up the vibe or dynamics.

Even without play dates outside of school your DD will be fine, she plays with them 5 days a week at school.

As parents we want to help our children but it’s not as necessary as we think.

If the other two girls meet up out of school and your DD finds out it’s a simple explanation that, the two mums are friends and you are not their friend.

I have the exact same issue with my DD 6. We are in a small rural school, only 3girls in the class. My DD and one of the other girls get on very well but mum has no interest in meeting up or play dates. However, this mum is friendly with the mum of the other girl in the class and they seem to do play dates with each other.

I will say that the mum is very nice and pleasant to be around and when are DD are together they are like glue.

For me I feel sorry for my DD as my DS 8 has a large number of boys in his class and the kids / parents are very social with a lot of playdates and out of school meet ups.

If they are good friends, they probably enjoy that their kids are best friends too. You and your DD are adding a third person so they probably feel threatened by you upsetting the status quo. It will all change as the girls get older anyway but it's horrible as it happens.