AIBU to miss my ex and feel bad for him?

[RealAquaCat]

Hi!
I suppose I’m just looking for a bit of advice and support! My ex ended our relationship in July last year, and so I moved out of his home and moved in with a friend. I thought I would marry this man and I was absolutely heartbroken, but I picked myself up and began to be okay again, and I am due to move into my own place by myself in a few weeks time. I should mention that this was the second time he ended our relationship - he also broke up with me in 2022 which was a 6 month split, in which I also moved out of the home.

My ex blocked me after we split, but sporadically over the last several months he would reach out and we would chat a little bit. A couple of weeks ago he told me that he’s still in love with me, that I’m the one, and that he wants to go for a drink and a chat and see if we can work things out. We had some big, open conversations where ultimately I told him that while I still love him and miss him, I can’t go back to him. The time to work things out was before he left me and flipped my world on its head. I was so desperate to work things out at the time, and he wouldn’t talk to me.

Anyway, all of a sudden it has hit me tonight! I feel so bad for saying no to going out for a drink, I feel so bad for hurting him by not wanting to be with him. But at the same time, I do really miss him and love him and I’m wondering if I’m making a mistake by not seeing if we could try again?

Am I crazy here? It’s the guilt that’s hurting me the most, but should I feel guilty when he’s the one who left me?

(I feel like I sound crazy)

Once fooled, shame on you.

Twice, shame on me.

Has he done therapy or any work on himself? Have you? You've had to move twice. Why would you go back for the same thing again?

You have made the right decision. He keeps picking you up and throwing you away, and that is cruel. He's playing with your emotions and that is never acceptable. He had the chance to talk to you, and work things out, but he chose to block you instead. That boat sailed, the day he blocked you. It's time to move into your own place and start afresh. My advice: cut contact. It may seem harsh but it's the only way for you to move forward. If you don't he'll keep trying to rekindle the relationship, to what end? To dump you again in another 6 months or a year's time. You deserve better.

Don't even think about it. He's hurt you, hes played this game before, and he will absolutely do it again. I would bet my last penny he was cheating on you too. You would be an absolute mug to go back to him.

That’s a bit harsh

You will get over this but do not go back to him, three times is two times too many!

You are bloody horrible

He needs therapy and then to find someone completely new once he realises why he treats people like this.

You have nothing to feel guilty for. Just tell him to get help because he can’t break up with you twice in a relationship that’s a serious as living together.

Do not go back to him for his sake as much as your own sanity

This is a toxic relationship, both of you are trying to avoid painful feelings or the pain of criticism and fundamentally you're not compatible or it wouldn't be this difficult.

OP the best thing I ever read was over 20 years ago…it said “love shouldn’t hurt”
Move into your new place, get strong, do not look back x

You are grieving the relationship and that will make you want to do things that are not in your long term interest. He has twice now ended things with you and you cannot know that he won't do it again. Your initial instinct not to go back to him was absolutely correct. It will take time but you can and will heal and in time will know it's the right decision.

No. He has already ended this relationship twice. Don't give him another chance. It will only lead to heartbreak.

No it’s not. Feeling sorry for someone who left you, twice? Having to move out of the home you shared, twice. Changing his mind, twice. Leaving you in absolute turmoil, twice. You’d have to be an absolute idiot to do anything other than block and move on.

You haven’t ever heard of a bit of empathy have you?
For fucks sake, this site is supposed to be about women supporting other women mainly.
Stop being such a bloody dick.

Yes it is, there’s thinking it but there’s no need to say it. The Op is probably going through a tough time snd doesnt need to hear that from you

AIBU is not and never has been about women supporting women.

I think hearing it bluntly is exactly what some people need sometimes. You’re welcome to disagree.

So we can’t change the narrative then?

His ended it twice already, you would be a absolute fool to go back and what a utter waste of your time because a few years from now you will be sitting there crying his dumped you a third time. He is the problem and it won’t change. Move forward and don’t look back, yes it hurts, but it will hurt more if you let him do it all over again.

Well I for one strongly disagree.
And I’d bet that in real life, you wouldn’t dare call someone an idiot to their face.
WTF has happened to you, that you need to feel the need to be so bloody rude to a complete stranger?

Why do we need to? There are plenty of other places to go on mn if you don’t fancy people not beating around the bush with their responses. You’re derailing the thread now though.

If this was a friend or relative I’d 100% tell them they were being an idiot.

OP, it must be hard when you had all kind of expectations about this relationship but the truth is your wishes didn't match up to the reality at all. He couldn't be the person you would spend your life with because he dumped you twice and blocked you. No one who cares for anyone would block them!

You need to build a life away from him and create a new set of wishes more in tune with reality. I would also suggest therapy to figure out why you are even considering going back to someone who has caused turmoil in your life.

No dear, you are.
Bore off with your passive aggressive post.
I for one prefer to support women.

I agree it’s harsh the above poster has called someone an idiot, but it also does have some truth to it, to make the same mistake twice is a little silly, to do it 3 times is idiotic.