AIBU to miss my ex and feel bad for him?

[RealAquaCat]

Hi!
I suppose I’m just looking for a bit of advice and support! My ex ended our relationship in July last year, and so I moved out of his home and moved in with a friend. I thought I would marry this man and I was absolutely heartbroken, but I picked myself up and began to be okay again, and I am due to move into my own place by myself in a few weeks time. I should mention that this was the second time he ended our relationship - he also broke up with me in 2022 which was a 6 month split, in which I also moved out of the home.

My ex blocked me after we split, but sporadically over the last several months he would reach out and we would chat a little bit. A couple of weeks ago he told me that he’s still in love with me, that I’m the one, and that he wants to go for a drink and a chat and see if we can work things out. We had some big, open conversations where ultimately I told him that while I still love him and miss him, I can’t go back to him. The time to work things out was before he left me and flipped my world on its head. I was so desperate to work things out at the time, and he wouldn’t talk to me.

Anyway, all of a sudden it has hit me tonight! I feel so bad for saying no to going out for a drink, I feel so bad for hurting him by not wanting to be with him. But at the same time, I do really miss him and love him and I’m wondering if I’m making a mistake by not seeing if we could try again?

Am I crazy here? It’s the guilt that’s hurting me the most, but should I feel guilty when he’s the one who left me?

(I feel like I sound crazy)

I totally get that.
But you will feel SO empowered living by yourself!
We don’t need men to validate us, we are so strong as women.
I absolutely guarantee you will look back on this period of your life in years to come, and think what the fuck was I thinking?

It's normal to miss someone you once cared about and lived with. But don't feel guilty FGS! It's his own stupid fault. If he's hurting and thinks he's fucked up that's his problem to deal with now. Stop talking to this mess of a man and don't let him make you feel bad.

It’s also worth putting this into ChatGPT. I know there are strong views on this here and others may disagree!
I found it helpful to add the specifics of my situation as it gave me a proper head shake. Also helped me maintain no contact with very good justifications about why my ex wouldn’t change.

Oh op. It sounds like you will never be enough for him.

Your better than that. You deserve someone who thinks your amazing and worth your weight in gold.

This is why I don't stay friends with exes or stay in contact with exes.

It's also why I don't tolerate or am very wary of a partner or someone I meet.Who is still friends with an ex. To clarify, if they have children together.That's something different.They should attempt to be civil and be friends for the sake of the children. But other than that, I think it's weird to stay friends or in contact with an ex.

All it does if you stay in contact with someone you re.No, longer with is blur, the boundaries, keep feelings alive.And it's so very easy to slip back into the old pattern of the relationship.

There need to be a very, very long period of time.After the breakup, before you can even consider being civil or friendly.With an ex, but by then, usually too much time has past and the ship has sailed on friendship.Anyway.

What you should have done is not speak to him at all after he ended it. Block him if you have to.

He's playing with your feelings. I have no doubt that he misses you.But that doesn't mean this relationship is workable. He's already ended it once and you got back together. And you've broken up again. That suggests that whatever problems from the first breakup weren't remedied, or he just doesn't feel strongly enough for you.

Please don't listen to him.Please don't get back together with him.Just cut it off and block him. All that will happen is you ll be back together for another few months.Maybe even a year, and it will end again. By that time you could have met somebody else and be a year into a new relationship.

Best of luck.

I think it's more than possible that his sudden revival of interest in you is down to the fact that you are about to move into your own place, and become more independent.

Sorry OP. Get settled in your new home and get on with your new life.

He's probably feeling sorry for himself for some reason, maybe his love life is not as good as he hoped it would be and he's lonely. But whatever the reason is, it's not because he's seen the light and realised the error of his ways. He hasn't worked through whatever issues made him dump you callously in the first place. He doesn't care about you, only that you will boost his ego and keep him occupied for a while. Don't ever for one moment forgot how he treated you, it's how he will treat you again. Block and let it go

Hes the same guy he was when you moved out. Maybe sorry for himself if he wasnt as in demand as he hoped. If you take him back again youll just get back on the merrygoround

And you need to stop lying to yourself, its not that you feel bad saying no its that you want hin to try harder... and he wont. This is who he is so dont look away.

How he treated you is more important than how much you like him

Its likely no one else wants him like he’d hoped, so he’s bored/lonely/horny again. He’ll only do it again once he gets fed up. Don’t go back.