Return from mat leave gone wrong

[FTMsendh3lp]

I need some advice. I'm to embarrassed to talk to anyone in real life other than DH.

Before going on mat leave, I was a very high performer, far exceeded all my targets and was looking at promotion. When I got pregnant, I worked extra hard as I was conscious i didn't want to lose out (for context). I came back from mat leave in June and it's all gone horribly wrong. June coincided with our annual reviews meetings. So in my meeting I asked about promotion next year (June 2026). Everything was going well until that point, I was getting lots of praise. The mood changed. The senior partner went on a rant as to why I'm not prepared to promote. Ok....Then 2 things happened:

1. I struggled a bit in the first few months to put in all the hours needed. It was an adjustment, I wasn't actually doing anything wrong or causing problems but I couldn't do overtime or go the extra mile. My baby wasn't sleeping, so I wasn't sleeping, and then he got extremely sick and ended up in A&E in week 3. I caught up and was back to my former self after the first 2-3 months. Some managers were very understanding and said of course there will be an adjustment period. But some people decided I wasn't reliable enough anymore and took work off me, so now I don't have enough work to meet targets.

1. This senior partner has made it his mission to point out every single mistake I make. 90% of the time, they are not mistakes at all or they are not mine. I was just sat down this morning for a half an hour lecture about a mistake a paralegal made and how it was ultimately my fault as my instructions were not good enough. The paralegal has not made a mistake, and neither did I. No mistakes were made whatsoever. He completely misread an email and is making it up. I cannot emphasise how completely made up it is.

I stood my ground but he ended the meeting saying him and the rest of senior management are keeping a close eye on me as my work is not up to standard. I spent the rest of the day in my office teary and wobbly (nobody saw anything, I have my own office).

I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. Do I stick it out, redeem myself and hope to get promoted in a few years? I should move on, but I feel I would be throwing away years of hard work and built up goodwill.

My DH is concerned they're looking at firing me altogether. The market is slow and the firm has overhired in the last 18 months.

To be clear, I won't be making any claims or going to HR. It's career suicide. The senior partner in question holds a huge % of equity in the firm as well so there is no point.

OP, two things that might help while you riding this out. 1] Coaching, and 2] push for actionable feedback. Not just what they dont like, but what do you do instead.

OP this sucks. It happens all over the place. I’m in academia— was a total hotshot at the time started having kids and now have had to move sideways so many times my students are more senior than me. I regret not doing things like asking for a promotion like you did, and in general rolling over too easily because of those sad/shame feelings you’re getting.

If this was me I would start looking elsewhere, but I’d also start taking stock of what you call a buildup of goodwill to cushion your exit. It doesn’t sound like they’re being especially goodwilled to you at the moment— but is there someone there who is kinder/could stick up for you/write your reference?

This is awful OP, I would join a union and at least talk to someone.

The trouble you have with sticking it out and knuckling down is you're assuming you can change things by working harder. You can't because it's not you who needs to change. It's a terrible situation to be in and I'd recommend leaving before they totally trash your confidence.

That is potentially grounds for discrimination. directly targeting you as a woman, when they would not ask a man about their future family plans.

I would get advice from ACAS if I were you.

My experience is that it is very difficult to rebuild your confidence when you've been treated like that if you just stick at the same role because the toxic people and their attitudes will continue to get you down. I stayed for just less than a year and was becoming quite bitter, but I went part-time so I was giving them the minimum amount of time we needed to stay afloat financially and I got to spend more time with my kids while they were tiny. I also worked with a coach to rebuild my confidence and then moved onto a new role in a new organisation where I was much happier and more valued.