Return from mat leave gone wrong

[FTMsendh3lp]

I need some advice. I'm to embarrassed to talk to anyone in real life other than DH.

Before going on mat leave, I was a very high performer, far exceeded all my targets and was looking at promotion. When I got pregnant, I worked extra hard as I was conscious i didn't want to lose out (for context). I came back from mat leave in June and it's all gone horribly wrong. June coincided with our annual reviews meetings. So in my meeting I asked about promotion next year (June 2026). Everything was going well until that point, I was getting lots of praise. The mood changed. The senior partner went on a rant as to why I'm not prepared to promote. Ok....Then 2 things happened:

1. I struggled a bit in the first few months to put in all the hours needed. It was an adjustment, I wasn't actually doing anything wrong or causing problems but I couldn't do overtime or go the extra mile. My baby wasn't sleeping, so I wasn't sleeping, and then he got extremely sick and ended up in A&E in week 3. I caught up and was back to my former self after the first 2-3 months. Some managers were very understanding and said of course there will be an adjustment period. But some people decided I wasn't reliable enough anymore and took work off me, so now I don't have enough work to meet targets.

1. This senior partner has made it his mission to point out every single mistake I make. 90% of the time, they are not mistakes at all or they are not mine. I was just sat down this morning for a half an hour lecture about a mistake a paralegal made and how it was ultimately my fault as my instructions were not good enough. The paralegal has not made a mistake, and neither did I. No mistakes were made whatsoever. He completely misread an email and is making it up. I cannot emphasise how completely made up it is.

I stood my ground but he ended the meeting saying him and the rest of senior management are keeping a close eye on me as my work is not up to standard. I spent the rest of the day in my office teary and wobbly (nobody saw anything, I have my own office).

I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. Do I stick it out, redeem myself and hope to get promoted in a few years? I should move on, but I feel I would be throwing away years of hard work and built up goodwill.

My DH is concerned they're looking at firing me altogether. The market is slow and the firm has overhired in the last 18 months.

To be clear, I won't be making any claims or going to HR. It's career suicide. The senior partner in question holds a huge % of equity in the firm as well so there is no point.

Like some others, I knew it would be law sadly.

I know a woman who got treated like you have but in her case, as soon as she was married.

She end up moving companies, having a baby and making partner in a few years.

Wow, hugs OP, this thread makes sad reading.

I agree, start looking elsewhere.

I'm counting my blessings now, during my second maternity leave I was proactively asked to interview for a promotion by my then line manager. Didn't get that role, but interviewed and was promoted 6 months after I came back into a more suitable role in the same department. This is to a director role in financial services, so not insignificant. Have always felt very supported by the leadership around me and likewise, I advocate for, and look after the people in my team.

So it is possible for employers to get this stuff right. How you're being treated is just not good enough.

But some people decided I wasn't reliable enough anymore and took work off me, so now I don't have enough work to meet targets.

This is probably the most important point. What’s done is done of course, but I think considering this it was very unwise to bring up a promotion regardless of the goals aspect. I suspect that what they wanted to hear was about how you had experienced a minor setback but are eager to get back to your full workload and how you plan to do that or what help you need to do that so that you’re meeting targets again. That’s probably the only goal they really wanted to hear about.

I agree with others that it sounds like you’re at risk of being managed out and should be looking elsewhere.

That’s crap OP, at my work on Mat leave your performance is assessed ‘as it was’ surely being back at work in June they can’t performance review you based on time back in work if the review was so soon after , that’s not fair . Feel for you x

It happened to me in the public sector! In an agency that was making a lot of positive noise at the time on gender equality too...

Realistically I think you probably need to look at changing firms, there seems to have been an attitude shift which isn't always fair but changing firms around the time of having babies is quite common for lots of reasons and often doesn't set you back, you can also find you progress faster by moving now.

I do think you perhaps misjudged the timing on raising the promotion point, but depends how you actually put it at the time.

If you did want to stay at this firm there is one point that really stood out to me. On the workload front, is there not an expectation that you get your own work in too? what are you doing to get the work, including internally within the firm. This may be a bit of a test by the partners at how committed you are now you are a mother - that may not feel very fair but your comment on work being taken away so can't hit your targets is the one odd point that sticks out to me given your context of being keen for promotion??

Sorry OP, knew it would be law :( Sadly, senior partners are often married to the job and can’t understand when others have competing priorities. They get paid the big/huge bucks to be all about work, and can’t empathise when others have other things going on in their lives, even sick babies. Returning from mat leave is extremely stressful and you need support, not this. Though I disagree with PPs telling you not to have brought up promotion in your PDR, I feel that would’ve been another avenue of (unwarranted) criticism that you’re suddenly not ambitious. And no firms seem to like people just being happy doing their jobs without wanting promotion 🙄 I do think if this isn’t a passing ‘bad mood’ your senior partner is in, that it’s time to look for something else. I agree that HR in a law firm is unlikely to help you in the long run. Sorry OP, it shouldn’t be that way.

You made the mistake of thinking you were coming back and picking up where you left off, whereas in reality you work for men who feel they’ve been paying you to sit around and eat cake for 10 months. You didn’t act grateful enough, and now there’s a target on your back. I’d start jobhunting if I were you.

I would plan my exit if I were you. Life’s just far too short to not be supported at work when you have a baby at home. It’s also pretty normal as a parent to not work as hard as you used to for a few years after having kids. You get used to the shift from “good” at work to “good enough”. But good enough is usually absolutely fine for lots of companies.

Could you apply to work in house somewhere rather than a high pressure firm? It might seem like a compromise but it could be a great move.

1. I was asking about promotion in June 2026. I was actually eligible now but knowing they would set me back for mat leave, I was actually trying to not be pushy. And people in the past have been denied/delayed promotions for not saying they want one. So if when they asked "where do you want to be next year", I said "just the same", it would have counted against me!

Looking back at that conversation, maybe I should have kept my head down and said nothing. But I was in such a good place before having the baby, I was pretty confident in my position. Pretty stupid of me I guess. I do regret it now.

1. Yes, we have to win work. But they've taken relationships I worked years to get. I can't get that back overnight and I can't really do it without support. Mentally I feel quite, I don't know, embarrassed and stuck now.

Anyway, thank you everyone for replying. I was a good enough employee and still am. A few months of less than perfect performance after mat leave shouldn't be the end of my career but oh well. This has really shaken me. I know I need to leave but my confidence is rock bottom now. I'm sort of embarrassed to even show my face in the office, I feel like everyone knows I'm rubbish now.

Part of me hoped I could just knuckle down and ride it out. DH thinks I need to cut my losses now and go and lots of you agree.

This isn’t about you not being good enough, OP. It’s about your senior partner being a total knob. Unfortunately those of us in law all know partners like that and some of us have been unlucky enough to work for them. The reality is that you’re not the same employee before you had your baby and that is good enough, but for some reason your partner seems to have it in for you and for the benefit of your own mental health and your baby you’d be best placed to put yourself first and find somewhere you’re valued. This will knock your confidence because working for bullies like him does that, but try not to let it. You’re a hard worker by the sounds of it, and a good lawyer, and you deserve to work for people who value you, not grind you down. The job is more than hard enough without people like him. Good luck 🤞

Happens all the time in public sector.

Similar happened to me. Twice, in two different companies.
First one, my boss would also make comments to me in private where nobody could hear, things like 'shouldn't you really be at home looking after your baby' and 'mothers should not be focussed on their careers when a new baby is in the house'.
I had also overheard him talking to a client friend, telling him that now his (clients) boss was on mat leave he should really be thinking about how to take her job.
Second time, my mat leave cover (male) refused to hand back my job, had made himself best pals with the leadership while I was away and they made my role redundant and gave him a senior position. He practically lived at the office while i had requested flexi time.
The second time,I faught and won a huge payout. I was so angry I faught back.
Document everything. Speak to Acas and an employment law specialist.

They are trying to get you out, they are absolute fucking dicks.

Do get out and find a better place to work with actual human beings rather than the sociopaths who run some law firms, but get advice and don't let them take you for a ride.

I feel like everyone knows I'm rubbish now.
You’re not rubbish though. You’re just trying to juggle being a new working mum, with a misogynistic arse of a boss, in an industry which is (probably) very much still seen as a man’s world.

I imagine some of those eyes you feel looking can see very clearly what’s going on, and are using you as a point of reference in terms of their own decisions they’ll make in the future. People aren’t as daft as they sometimes seem.

Ex City lawyer here. I knew as soon as I read your OP it would be law. My firm was one of the largest in the city so I had no involvement with the Senior Partner (it suggests a smaller firm to be honest or you are more senior than me and looking for partner).

I can't tell you how many of us have signed confidentiality settlements for massive sums.

Lots in my intake got pregnant around the 4-6 year PQE mark. It was either then or post partnership.

Most of us knew how grim it would be and ended up going back pregnant, riding it out for 6 months, taking a second lot of enhanced maternity and then negotiating a settlement coming back from second mat leave.

Its not career suicide. You get a watertight settlement agreement with an approved statement for future references. Most law firms just give date references now.

For the record, lots of former colleagues quit, some work in house, some work in govt, some are partners in national firms.

No practical advice I'm afraid, but I do know you'll currently be triggering a lot of people who've neglected their own families for work or sacrificed having a family altogether (& regret it). No matter what power games the misogynists play, please don't lose sight of the fact you've achieved something huge - you've had a baptism of fire into your new role (motherhood) & still managed perfectly fine in a demanding job.

You and your employer are playing different games, by different rules. If in their head, their performance management process takes a year for example, they might be thinking @FTMsendh3lp will be gone in a year, then we will rehire for the role.

Whereas in your head, you might be thinking you can “ride this out” until you feel comfortable finding a new job, even if that takes 3 years. But what you might not be realising is that they are forcing your hand sooner than that, so you aren’t going to be given the opportunity to be comfortable and build your confidence back up.

Hence why cutting your losses basically prevents you from being poisoned almost for longer than necessary- they will have less power over you, less impact to your self esteem etc. As what they have planned for you isn’t going to be pleasant and having a record of poor performance is going to play on your mind more.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this op.
i have no experience of working in law so I can’t offer specific advice, but I have returned to a very demanding career after maternity leave (twice) and know how hard it is. You are expected to jump back in where you left off and that’s very difficult to do. The company I now work for has a policy in place to allow women to transition back into their role. Time to adjust and complete training on new systems and SOPs that have changed whilst they were off before they are put onto projects. The first time I went back I was on a plane to San Diego 2 days in.

So you are the main breadwinner and pay the Lion's share of the Mortage ? Why can't you put the hours in ? Your DH needs to be doing the majority of the nursery runs.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m an employment lawyer - have seen in on various different sides - it won’t get any better if you do nothing.

Unlikely, but is there anyone else you could go to in the firm and say look what’s happening/can you help me make it stop? If not, you need to look for another job. It’s tough - and very unfair but ultimately staying with them will destroy your confidence and you will be better off going now/starting to look than in the future when you are in a worse place & feeling even closer to being pushed out of the door.

It’s so hard to explain just why law firms can be so toxic but it’s true. It’s literally like a different world.

At the very least you need to find a good recruiter and start finding out about the market - speak to other lawyers you know too. The Roll on Friday list can be quite useful to see better firms too.

as for talking about promotion, lots of pp’s have said you were wrong to do that - but realistically you could have been criticised for not still thinking about it/mentioning it too.

Finally, it is tough returning to work even when your boss is good one. It’s utterly crazy how you’re just expected to pick up where you left off as if you’ve just been on holiday for a fortnight. So, be kind to yourself & don’t be embarrassed about talking to friends about it - it’s not you it’s some horror of a partner who lives in the dark ages.

also even if you never intend to use it, keep a diary and evidence of every little thing that happens, emails, notes etc. You may need it in the future and it may be the leverage you need to get a pay off. You don’t want to take legal action but if it gets too much you might want to leave and a big folder of evidence might be the thing that gets their lawyers telling them to pay you out to avoid a claim.

Check out Pregnant Then Screwed, they have lots of info and help for pregnancy/motherhood discrimination at work. It sounds horribly stressful and unfair, I'm so sorry!

I just knew this would be about a law firm. One of the many reasons I quit. I saw so many brilliant lawyers promised the earth when they were billing 2500 hours a year and glued to their desks. The same women were turfed out when they dared leave for 90 mins to do bath and bedtime and then logged back on to work all night.

Keep a paper trail and line up something else first. Then I’d tell them I’m planning to take it public - I’ve heard of 6 figure payoffs to shut up disgruntled associates…