Return from mat leave gone wrong

[FTMsendh3lp]

I need some advice. I'm to embarrassed to talk to anyone in real life other than DH.

Before going on mat leave, I was a very high performer, far exceeded all my targets and was looking at promotion. When I got pregnant, I worked extra hard as I was conscious i didn't want to lose out (for context). I came back from mat leave in June and it's all gone horribly wrong. June coincided with our annual reviews meetings. So in my meeting I asked about promotion next year (June 2026). Everything was going well until that point, I was getting lots of praise. The mood changed. The senior partner went on a rant as to why I'm not prepared to promote. Ok....Then 2 things happened:

1. I struggled a bit in the first few months to put in all the hours needed. It was an adjustment, I wasn't actually doing anything wrong or causing problems but I couldn't do overtime or go the extra mile. My baby wasn't sleeping, so I wasn't sleeping, and then he got extremely sick and ended up in A&E in week 3. I caught up and was back to my former self after the first 2-3 months. Some managers were very understanding and said of course there will be an adjustment period. But some people decided I wasn't reliable enough anymore and took work off me, so now I don't have enough work to meet targets.

1. This senior partner has made it his mission to point out every single mistake I make. 90% of the time, they are not mistakes at all or they are not mine. I was just sat down this morning for a half an hour lecture about a mistake a paralegal made and how it was ultimately my fault as my instructions were not good enough. The paralegal has not made a mistake, and neither did I. No mistakes were made whatsoever. He completely misread an email and is making it up. I cannot emphasise how completely made up it is.

I stood my ground but he ended the meeting saying him and the rest of senior management are keeping a close eye on me as my work is not up to standard. I spent the rest of the day in my office teary and wobbly (nobody saw anything, I have my own office).

I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. Do I stick it out, redeem myself and hope to get promoted in a few years? I should move on, but I feel I would be throwing away years of hard work and built up goodwill.

My DH is concerned they're looking at firing me altogether. The market is slow and the firm has overhired in the last 18 months.

To be clear, I won't be making any claims or going to HR. It's career suicide. The senior partner in question holds a huge % of equity in the firm as well so there is no point.

It's very sad you feel unable to join a union, who can help you fight what sounds like severe bullying. Recent reports in the media have highlighted how many law firms are misogynistic and hostile places to work; which as a lay person I was very shocked by. It's disturbing what people (usually men) think they can get away with. Things have changed in other industries and hopefully with more publicity law won't be far behind. Keep an email trail for future reference. However put your mental health and family first, even if it means downsizing.

Female law firm partner here. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I did too when I went back after 6 months. I was a partner then and their treatment of me was so bad I ended up doing CBT to get me back on track. What I should have done was see it as a sign the firm wasn’t right for me and move on then. Instead I stuck it out another 8 years for want of proving myself at significant personal cost.

i’m at a different firm now and regret not moving sooner.

My point is that all firms are different with different cultures. Some of hideously fucking toxic centres of male dominance still but many are not.

What’s your practice area, OP? There are some roles we’re desperate for.

My final comment: a wise owl once told me that it takes as long to get back into working after mat leave as you had off. So give yourself a break and consider your options.

@OpalPandas perfectly sums this up in the first two sentences!

I am not a lawyer but work in a similar professional services area. I ended up leaving my firm after my second baby having been there from the grad scheme, after 17 years and 10 years as a partner because of how I was treated on my return. In my case I am sure lots of it wasn’t even intentional but I knew my fellow partners and I knew they wouldn’t change so I had the choice between staying and creating my own bubble to work in (which the two other female partners had done) or looking elsewhere.

I had one interview and found my people in a more progressive firm. I didn’t even know such places existed in professional services. I also found a technical niche I would never have developed in my last firm. We are so supportive of our people, especially when returning from mat leave or other circumstances.

You don’t have to accept being treated as you are. Seek out supportive partners (if there are any…) and build relationships. But look is what is out there and think about the culture of where you are and if it aligns with your values. Because if it doesn’t, there are firms which will and you will be happier in the longer term…

This is a really tough period for you as a working mother, but there are people who will want to support their talent in the right way!

Fucking men.

I don't know your type of work and have never worked in a place like this. But you have my sympathies.

This breed of old-fashioned management need to go. And the sooner the better.

As a PP said, keep a note of everything in email.

@FTMsendh3lp this isn’t the end of your career and you are by the sounds of it an exceptional employee. Don’t let them get in your head. I’m so sorry they’re making you feel like this - to be clear this is a them problem not a you problem. Before you went on Mat leave if you’d have had 3 weeks off sick or less than perfect performance would your clients have been taken off you? If the answer is no then you know exactly what this is.

As others have suggested pregnant then screwed is a good resource. As you don’t feel able to challenge them (that’s not a dig by the way) I agree, look elsewhere but keep records of everything. My friend had a similar situation (not law firm and sounds much less toxic than what happened to you) - she put in a grievance after she left, got herself a solicitor and ended up with a £15,000 pay out! @JustMarriedBecca has suggested another type of agreeement that may be worth even more.
Companies like this won’t change unless they’re forced to and you shouldn’t have your confidence ground to the ground because you had the audacity to have a child and come back to work. I’m fuming on your behalf.

i also returned from Mat leave in June. Very high pressure round the clock job and have just done a postgraduate exam. At no point did I feel unsupported at work even though I know there were times when my performance wasn’t as good as before I went on Mat leave. That’s temporary - brain fog was real for me. - plus before I went on Mat leave if I went on holiday for 2 weeks it would take me a while to hit the ground running when I came back - 10 months is a long time to be away from work. Give yourself grace - plus your child was sick! I would leave based on how they’ve treated you during that period ultimately you do have the choice to move somewhere you will be valued and where you can rely on them to look out for your welfare during difficult times.

Finally - your mental and emotional health isn’t worth a big old house in London. I’m pretty sure you would find a job in your industry anyway but if you didn’t and the only options were a career move then for me personally, downsizing would be far better than staying to work somewhere where you’re walking on eggshells and gaslit about your abilities. Im sure your dc would appreciate a happier Mum too rather than lots of things - but I also appreciate the housing situation especially in London is v challenging

I think this is unfair and quite an old fashioned view without knowing what her DHs job/ commute is like. Also for all we know her DH may be doing the majority of the nursery runs - her child wasn’t sleeping and then was so sick they had to go to A&E that’s why she fell back with work.

If a woman posted on here that her DH felt she had to do the majority of the nursery runs because he was the main breadwinner and paid the lions share of the mortgage im
pretty sure there would be more than just a few “LTB” comments. I think division of Labour in the household needs to individualised to your specific situation and once you start thinking - “ I earn more so I deserve more of x, y, z “ you run into problems

Something similar happened to me when I returned to work after taking 13 months off. Prior to my pregnancy I was given high profile tasks and was hinted on promotion. When I returned, they not only wanted to take away my direct report but obviously sidelined me. I realized it’s not my fault it’s just how biased people (especially management) are towards women with small kids. I’ve always been reliable, proactive and quite motivated. They assumed your performance would decline after having babies. Painful reality but not worth proving them wrong!

10 months out 12 off is a lot. I wouldn't read much into it for now but at the same time I would be checking other options.
I could be that their view of you have changed for whatever reason including discrimination or it could be that they are just insensitive. I don't work in law, but after my maternity leave my company give a bonus to the people that was in my project (before I went on leave) and I was excluded because I wasn't working. I was raging at that time. I had a few months that some of the directors looked at me like "what are we going to do with this woman", a year after that I had a promotion, more salary and flexible working hours. I was very pissed off that time until everything settled. I thought that because they are men they did not realise of how shit that stuff come across to us but in the end things were positive.
It may be some like that for you. Don't let them get you down.

This is what I thought to. It’s not going to get better. I would start looking for a new job asap.

Forgot to say, the best option is to start looking. Your situation is very similar to mine and I was not even given opportunities to shine again, but mostly sidelined and my achievements never mentioned. So be wise and don’t waste time in this team. Go and shine elsewhere!

Awful to read. Hoped this had changed but seems not. I worked in a long hours Magic Circle firm international finance years ago and saw this happen. We had 12 partners in our team only 1 was a woman and she was off with MH issues 😳. I never went back after Mat leave we left London and I was a sahm for 6 years.

Set up on my own 14 years ago when younger Dd started school and now make what I did in the City working for myself, so fuck them op. There are other options life has a way of working out. Good luck !

Find a female mentor. Find an employment lawyer. Speak to pregnant then screwed. Find a coach who can support you.

Just wanted to say be mindful of the stories you’re telling yourself! I feel like everyone knows I'm rubbish now.

Don’t start buying into this.

You’re a city lawyer in a demanding position. You’ve put in years of hard work and built a successful practice. You’re currently in an adjustment period, totally normal. Your boss is lashing out at you unfortunately.

It might get a bit tough but you’ll find a way and can get through it 100%.

The nitpicking and lack of support to help you transition back after mat leave is very poor. However, asking for promotion one month back would annoy most managers, frankly (and colleagues, who presumably have covered for you whilst you were away). I think stay grey & work hard to prove yourself, or move on.

You need to get into fight mode, put yourself first and protect yourself ASAP. Here is what you need to do:

1. Brush up your CV now and reach out to recruiters/your network in a discrete way. Go for interviews and see what's out there.
2. Document every single interaction with him. Even if it's just emails to yourself from your personal email address dating the date and time of the conversation.
3. Email him summaries of your conversation about any mistakes and say you've done it for the purposes of the file. A partner used to pull this trick with me until I started doing this and she stopped. After a conversation, I would make a note of our discussion saying during our discussion you said this mistake was made - "as you can see from the attached email and documents, this did not occur and therefore no mistake has been made." Something like that.
4. Do not shy away or start feeling embarrassed in front of others - this lends legitimacy to the partner who is in the wrong. If anything, I would be overly enthusiastic with the other partners, ask them for more work and generally be extremely responsive etc to make him look like he's the one with the problem.
5. If it looks like they are going to make moves to make you leave, you need to kick up a fuss with HR and raise discrimination - if they are going to make you go, they might give you a big payout to go quietly.
6. Do you have any clients that award work based how a firm is doing in terms of equality and diversity? If so, point 5 works in your favour.

It's not you, it's him. As hard as it is, don't let it get to you. This happened to a friend and she got her ultimate revenge but going to work for the partner's biggest client and dropping the firm like a hot potato for a much loathed competitor 😂

happy for you to dm me if you want to vent. Not all firms are like this.

Also, I don't agree with other pp who say you shouldn't have asked for promotion when you came back from may leave. Why not. You were doing incredibly well before mat leave and loads of firms promote before or during mat leave.

also men ask for, and are granted, unjustified promotions all the time.

The whole part about it being completely made up about a ‘mistake’ between you and your paralegal is horrendous, bullying at its finest. That’s really awful, and cannot believe is happening in 2025 tbh. I abhor dishonesty and bullying. Hope you are OK OP 💐

HR won’t be able to help. Once you no longer have advocates rooting for you in management, you’re done.

Start documenting EVERYTHING. Every conversation. If they’re stupid enough to send you emails, keep those somewhere safe (off of the company server).

Look for another job. Once you start interviewing and getting to the negotiation stage, hire your own lawyer, and use your evidence to go for constructive dismissal. The lawyer will be able to negotiate a payout before it needs to be escalated to the tribunal stage, and your payout will be worth more than the lawyer fees. Get a recommendation from someone who has done this before.

I’d see what else is out there. Even if you decide to stay it’ll be good for your confidence to see that you’re valued in the market. And in the long run, maybe a move out of London and a change of career wouldn’t be out of the question.

I say this as someone who, after 11 years of having my own business, is considering getting a job. It’ll be less money but less stress and I think I’ll be happier.

I am with you @Bootsand. Most professional services firms will have a structured process around promotions and timelines. One of my team came back from mat leave recently. When she went off on leave she potentially could have made the next grade in 12 months the time. We have just had our annual appraisal process and although we did not have a year’s performance to reflect on we had a conversation about the year ahead and if she wanted to go for promotion and if so we would set the right stretch objectives for her to achieve that. We also talked about it was also okay if she’s rather have less pressure for a year and take more time to get there. Totally her choice and I’ll support however she wants to progress which is right for her feelings on her career and her family.

The best way to build a high achieving team with long term retention is high challenge with high support. And that support 100% includes being an empathetic human when your team are going through big life changes!

The trouble with low EQ partners is that they can’t see that a difference in their approach might also drive higher profits if that’s all they care about but they are too self involved to realise that potential!

I had a very similar experience after my second mat leave in law too. I was actually head hunted by a firm while on mat leave and had a chat with them about my home situation, wouldn’t be able to do the long hours, last minute after work events, could only do part time, had flex in my existing role and basically wouldn’t leave unless they could match it. All agreed and understood they said. But no my boss was a misogynistic dickhead and after about 6 months the criticisms came, the why can’t you be at an event 1.5 hours away at 8pm on a Wednesday night in front of other team members when privately he’d said he understood that I couldn’t, you’ve spent too long on this bit of work, why did you bill something without clearing it with me. Bearing in mind I was a senior associate with many years experience and authority to work autonomously and to sign off on my own billing. I too felt utterly shit about my abilities and started to question whether the good feedback I’d had over the years at previous firms was just lies, I thought I was making basic mistakes. I had three bereavements, only asked for time off for the funeral of one (grandparent and in policy) and was questioned about whether she’d actually died. I didn’t want to give in against him and leave as I considered myself a strong character but I realised that people like him would not change, he also had his little side kick (a female) who was schmoozing her way up to partnership and I started to plan my get out. I ended up seeking counselling as had other things going on and then did a lot of research about changing careers, leaving law etc, I spoke to the Law Society careers advice. I considered going on sick but didn’t want it on my record. It took me 5 months but I finally found a position in house in a slightly different area of law (that I didn’t think I would be able to change to because of my PQE but I did). I had great pleasure handing my notice in and saying I don’t want to work in this environment anymore and that I’d found something more rewarding. I then made an appointment with HR and unloaded. They knew about him and I knew they wouldn’t do anything but it was cathartic to tell them and say out loud I hope you protect anyone else coming into his team. I caught up with a paralegal a year later and he was doing the same to another new female team member. So it was the right choice.
My current position I was told that I was the number 1 candidate before even being interviewed and they wanted to offer me there and then and 2 others that I interviewed for gave me really great positive feedback which I really needed at that time. So my advice is get out before you have a break down about it. I started a new job after my first mat leave and had a completely different great experience, in hindsight I should have stayed there after my second but what’s done is done. So there are good firms out there. I would advise to go in house though, I could not be happier leaving the institutionalisation that I didn’t realise that I was trapped in!

I know you don’t want to leave because of the years of hard work and goodwill but by your post there is no goodwill left and you are not getting enough work to meet your targets.
I would leave, and if you can downsize do so, obviously only you know if you’re living in a house that could be reasonably downsized or a 4 bed to a 2-3 bed but I would live in a smaller house and cut myself some breathing room if you are able to.
With a first time baby, everything is so new, scary and you just muddle through the best you can, we’ve all been there.
My best advise is to do what is best for you now and try not to look too far ahead, I don’t look back at the first baby days and wish I had stayed in full time work (I went part time) I wish that I had enjoyed the moments more and cut myself some slack…

Contact Pregnant then Screwed helpline. Sounds like you have a case.

First well done on returning to work. It’s not easy trying to juggle a baby and a demanding career. Sounds like you’re doing brilliantly. Secondly, self-preservation is key at this time of life- If it was me I’d look for a new job and if you can, don’t be afraid to consider changing hours/specialism in your field. Things aren’t going to be the same as they were. The problem isn’t you and you’re not failing. You’re trying to juggle two full time jobs- being a parent and working. Stay strong, it will get better. You just need to find a job and a boss that offer you the flexibility you need at the moment. Good luck.

This is an excellent post. The legal world can be utterly toxic (ask me how I know). Good luck