So a man just said to me….

[Littlebobbin15]

I was browsing a jewellers shop window, looking at some nice opal drop earrings actually, and a guy went inside and as he did said to me, ‘you shouldn’t be looking in a jewellers shop window if you don’t even have a coat’, then looked down at the coat on my arm (I’d got too hot) and said ‘oh, you do, come in and we’ll take your money off you regardless’, and laughed.

I kind of gave him a perplexed, kind of confused half smile, but now I wish I’d him where to go as I’ve realised it’s actually quite insulting.

Why on earth would presumably the shop owner speak to a prospective customer like this? It’s just utterly baffling to me. I didn’t have make up on, but I was nicely and fashionably dressed, in new clothes, and I look after myself, I certainly didn’t look like I was down and out and unable to afford a coat!

AIBU to think he’s most likely a weird asshole who enjoys insulting women and only has himself to blame for losing a £400 sale?

He onviously has poor people skills and I wouldn't give it another thought. I love looking in jewellers' windows but never buy anything: I hardly have any proper jewellery but I'm attracted by the sparkles, which is what their windows are designed to do. If I were homeless and coatless I'd still probably spend time looking at the pretty sparkly things. Why not?

In short: he's a knob.

Does anyone remember Gerald Ratner? I guess some jewellers are in the wrong job

YABU he was just trying to make a joke.

It was nothing to do with him thinking you can’t afford his products etc

Even homeless people have coats. It does not equal wealth.

You are overthinking things and probably don’t/didn’t have a lot of money and so are extra sensitive to it.

FFS. Someone (and it really doesn't matter that it happened to be a man) made an attempt at humour about you not having a coat on a cold day - and you choose to take umbrage. No one cares where you go to buy earrings but try and find a sense of balance.

On the generous side, he could've just made a socially awkward comment that didn't translate as intended. On the side of realism, he was just being another entitled male prick that thinks he can say anything to women. I've had it up to my fucking teeth of men doing this over the years, so my generosity of spirit has now firmly left the building.

Some businesses prefer to cultivate an exclusive looking clientele. It’s a key part of their marketing strategy, and intimidating people loitering in front of their business is deliberate.

You’re probably not scruffy enough to be taken seriously. You’ve got to really cultivate the dirt under your fingernails, patches on your clothes, just shot a peasant pheasant vibe.

Sounds to me like he was flirting with you - but very badly 🤣

How would I know, but how would YOU know?
You are assuming a lot, just because it fits your narrative. It's weird.

and if he did, wouldn't comment funny how most men got into the same random and bizarre interactions as women, they are less on MN.

The PP’s who have said I felt scolded have hit the nail on the head, it wasn’t jocular, and did have a nasty tone. I would hazard a guess at he wouldn’t have attempted the same tone with a man.

I’m prepared to concede I’m overthinking the interaction, but this is a forum for debate and however trivial the interaction may seem, it’s in the spirit of AIBU.

You're not overthinking it, he was a dickhead. I’d probably take my business elsewhere and leave a review detailing his “humour” (but I’m petty and I also go out of my way to leave reviews when businesses are being nasty unprompted).

I wondered if he was trying to be kind? Sort of, maybe don’t buy earrings if you are struggling in this cold weather type of thing?

But none of us heard him.

Something an older man, or woman, might say in a ham fisted, kindly meaning way ?

When I was street homeless, one of the things I used to do to pass the time was window shopping! Being poor and homeless is UNBELIEVABLY boring so anything to pass the time 🙂

It really could be lighthearted or nasty depending how it was said, but it sounded on the nastier snide side from the OPs post. More generally have to say I am sick of men making unsolicited ad hoc commentary/wisdom/jokes to women just because they feel entitled to either for their own entertainment, a bit of validation, an ego boost or because they think they’d be great stand up comedians. Only a small section of men, but it’s a persistent strand that seem resistant to change 😆 I’ve received loads of these comments or bits of unsolicited ‘wisdom’. I always imagine it’s because someone at home is trying her level best to ignore them.

Trust your instincts. He wanted to make you feel small. You are not overthinking this.

Don't give the gaslighter any more headspace.

I will keep the come back "would you say that to a man?" up my sleeve.

Well he would not have spoken like that to a men! Do wonder if it is a jeweller thing, I knew one who was nasty & patronising to women.

‘off you pop sweetie’ is my usual reply with a patronising smile usually sorts the issue.

I don't know if he meant well or not, but I would have felt annoyed as well. As someone who has never and will never be able to afford £400 earrings, I still expect to be able to look in a shop window without weird shamey comments. It's a free country, ffs.

He must be doing pretty well if he thinks it's amusing to drop sarcastic remarks on potential customers. Get your sarcastic remarks ready for a review of his shop 🤣

I'd buy the earrings elsewhere, go into his shop and have a Pretty Women moment 😂.

Leave a review on his business page detailing your interaction

@someepeoplearenice

Anyone can find anything annoying or offensive, it doesn't mean they are right to do so.

It doesn't mean they are WRONG to find something offensive either. You don't get to tell people how they should feel.

Yes, let the OP put a sarcastic (and damning) review on his webpage. Let's see how funny this 'joker' finds THIS.

The comment was amusing to him.

My "narrative", as you call it, is life experience. That's how I know.

You clearly don't know much and have little life experience if you think weird interactions are reserved for women. Bizarre way of thinking frankly.

He was just making a joke. You are overthinking this.
This is why no one talks to anyone any more.