So a man just said to me….

[Littlebobbin15]

I was browsing a jewellers shop window, looking at some nice opal drop earrings actually, and a guy went inside and as he did said to me, ‘you shouldn’t be looking in a jewellers shop window if you don’t even have a coat’, then looked down at the coat on my arm (I’d got too hot) and said ‘oh, you do, come in and we’ll take your money off you regardless’, and laughed.

I kind of gave him a perplexed, kind of confused half smile, but now I wish I’d him where to go as I’ve realised it’s actually quite insulting.

Why on earth would presumably the shop owner speak to a prospective customer like this? It’s just utterly baffling to me. I didn’t have make up on, but I was nicely and fashionably dressed, in new clothes, and I look after myself, I certainly didn’t look like I was down and out and unable to afford a coat!

AIBU to think he’s most likely a weird asshole who enjoys insulting women and only has himself to blame for losing a £400 sale?

Never judge a book by its cover would be something this weirdo should learn. What an idiot.

He was trying to be funny/banter and was obviously just really shit at it.
Oh well, he lost himself a sale and a potential repeat customer 🤷‍♀️ you'll find jewellery elsewhere easily so no issue for you.

What a fabulous example of someone who thinks they are such a wit, whose comments reveal them to be a complete twit.
So he has lost a sale, the silly arse.

He was obviously never told "if you cannot say something nice say nothing at all"

Some people do say twatty things. My friend has a husband who is a bit 'plus size.' She and he were in a city a few miles away, and walked into a mens clothes shop shop that sells clothes for bigger men, up to 60" waist. As well as clothes for slimmer men. The waist sizes go down to 30". (He is around 46" waist.)

The woman on the front counter said LOUDLY (as my friend and her husband entered the shop,) 'oh, hello, I'm not being funny love, but all the clothes for your size are at the far back end of the shop.' He was so embarrassed and humiliated, that he stayed in the shop for about a minute, then walked out. So this stupid, thoughtless woman lost the shop potentially £100 worth of trade, as he was going in for 2 pairs of new trousers, and a new shirt.

Inexplicably, the shop that had been open for about 2 years, closed down some 12 months later. I wonder why?

I think it was intended as a compliment or at least a bit of witty repartee. If anything he meant to make you feel better not worse. But it was a risky way of doing it!

From a different perspective, I used to work in jewellery stores and you used to be forced to go and chat to people browsing in the window. You also weren't meant to just ask if they needed help, you were to engage in a conversation. So often you'd be thinking of something light hearted or funny and different to say.

So he obviously has a terrible sense of humour and don't think what he said was acceptable but could also have been a bit of a misguided comment due to that pressure? Giving the benefit of the doubt 😆 either way wouldn't take it personally in that situation!

I would’ve taken it as humour and reacted with something along the lines of. I can’t wear my coat it’s hiding my shotgun/crowbar. Equally not funny but just banter.

A while ago DH & I each drove a VW car and one weekend a friend was visiting who also happened to have a VW - so there were 3 parked in our driveway.

As I walked down the drive to knock on a neighbour's door, a weird man approached and said "Do you own Volkswagen or something?" At first I was confused because I was not thinking about the cars at all but he was persistent, following me to my neighbour's doorstep and repeating the same line slightly aggressively which he clearly thought was very witty. I never understand why people try to engage strangers in this kind of way

I suspect he thought he was being amusing! I don't think he meant to insult you, but clearly his humour didn't have the desired response!! I'd forget about it.

What a weirdo. Some men can only engage with women if they’re ‘putting them in their place’.
I’d buy the earrings but take them back for a refund as they weren’t classy enough upon comparing them to your other ones at home

I agree. I like strangers making a bit of chat or banter in passing, and I'd be sad if that died out. I'm quite hard to offend unless you're really trying!

I think people today take offence very easily, and as a result others become more self-censoring. But I can see how clumsy comments that are meant to be humorous might land badly.

This. No insult intended. He expected you to laugh.

No, leave your original post. We've all come across down and outs. Nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade

Christ, it was just a clumsy attempt at smalltalk/banter. Move on. Do people take umbrage at EVERYTHING now??!!!

Gosh I can't think why! What a dimwit.

I would genuinely find this amusing. I doubt he meant it as anything other than a joke.

I hate people like that. I'd leave a bad google review so they learn some customer service skills. I'm not usually a complainer or a karen but I'm sick of meeting professionals who are that unprofessional.

Some men will take any opportunity to ‘scold’ women. It’s not you, it’s him…but he lost a decent sale so you had the last laugh x

I seriously doubt that he was actually suggesting that you couldn’t afford a coat and so couldn’t afford the jewellery. He was just making a joke that you would hopefully laugh at.

What a weird thing to get cross about.

I think it was joke. Not a particularly good joke, but still a joke, and one which most people would not have taken literally like you did.

“Would you have said that to a man ?” Is my go to reply to men who think they are being witty

How would it be a joke? It isn't remotely funny, just weird and awkward.

It happens, OP.

A while back I was shopping for an indescribably meaningful
funeral. I had just bought an expensive and flattering dress; I was carrying a shopping bag with a recognisable logo into one of our snootier department stores looking for some good black court shoes.

I had barely slept for weeks and wasn’t bothering with hair or makeup. I was beside myself with grief. But I was clean and wearing stylish jeans, boots, etc. (The boutique saleswoman had been extremely kind and helpful)

I was prepared to pay for some quality shoes that would last a few years, and as I said I was carrying this shopping bag showing that I was prepared to spend. I headed for the display of expensive shoes and a snotty young sales associate with all the signifiers of the aspirational lower middle class firmly redirected me to the sales display.

Ordinarily I could not care less what vibe or class signifier someone gives off but being judged in my grief as wanting by someone with two inch eyelashes, unflatteringly tight clothes and poor grammar rankles to this day.

OTOH on the train the same day a young woman with the grace and noblesse oblige of perhaps minor royalty shared a table with me. We only exchanged brief glances and one or two very small smiles and I didn’t lose my composure or anything, although I didn’t turn the pages of my book much. As she was leaving the train she suddenly put her hand out, not quite touching me, and said ‘take care’. I write that as a republican.

Life is interesting.

People are entitled to get pissed off about anything they want to get pissed off about. Especially an arsehole of a man trying to be 'funny,' but just actually being a rude obnoxious fucker!

Exactly.