So a man just said to me….

[Littlebobbin15]

I was browsing a jewellers shop window, looking at some nice opal drop earrings actually, and a guy went inside and as he did said to me, ‘you shouldn’t be looking in a jewellers shop window if you don’t even have a coat’, then looked down at the coat on my arm (I’d got too hot) and said ‘oh, you do, come in and we’ll take your money off you regardless’, and laughed.

I kind of gave him a perplexed, kind of confused half smile, but now I wish I’d him where to go as I’ve realised it’s actually quite insulting.

Why on earth would presumably the shop owner speak to a prospective customer like this? It’s just utterly baffling to me. I didn’t have make up on, but I was nicely and fashionably dressed, in new clothes, and I look after myself, I certainly didn’t look like I was down and out and unable to afford a coat!

AIBU to think he’s most likely a weird asshole who enjoys insulting women and only has himself to blame for losing a £400 sale?

@fatphalange · Today 16:39

What a weirdo. Some men can only engage with women if they’re ‘putting them in their place.’

@MrsTigerface · Today 16:51

Some men will take any opportunity to ‘scold’ women. It’s not you, it’s him…but he lost a decent sale so you had the last laugh x

Yeah this. ^ And some men get angry and defensive, and even aggressive, if the woman in question doesn't laugh out loud at their 'hilarious quip.' And he calls the woman 'uptight,' or a 'miserable cow,' and accuses her of having 'no sense of humour.' Coz how DARE she not laugh out loud, and act all girly and silly, and let the man know how 'funny' he is.

Some men are such arseholes sometimes.

As a few posters have said, these men would never say such things to another man!

Apparently it's unlucky to wear opals unless your birthday is in October.

Just a jocular way of saying 'Ooh, you haven't got a coat and it is really cold!'

I don't know about OP's location, but round my way today was the first genuinely cold day. We're Brits! We're legally obliged to interject lame comments about the weather at every possible opportunity, esp when there is a change of weather!

I'm not saying it was a funny joke, just a jokey weather comment that was a bit clumsy and went awry.

It was a failed attempt at humour. People on this site over analyse things that really aren't that deep.

I think people are nasty out in the open in real life when they calculate that they can get away with it. The point is it takes place in normal life, it's nasty and the victim thinks "wait, did they really just say that?" How can you predict what would trigger that?
But also its true that probably people don't do this when they are ok. They do it out of misery. Yes, people make mistakes, it comes out wrong, it's not what they mean, but also, people do say things with calculation.
He doesn't realise you were offended or doesn't care or even wants you (someone) to be. But he's a salesman! Maybe he was thinking I need a bloody sale, can you guarantee me a sale and then took it out on you how he was feeling in that second. He wanted to feel bigger.
Unfortunately, when you talk about it with someone, you may then get dismissed as thinking about "nothing much." Perhaps there is a pattern there.
So what to do? Is really any need to analyse whether you are being reasonable? If there is no sufficient response from mumsnet, what would make it ok for you? That's better than getting repeatedly told by mumsnetters that you are in the wrong somehow.

sounds like the poor guy was just making a joke , you are massively overthinking here

I think it was probably just a bad joke that fell flat, he's a bit of a dick but it's hardly a hanging offence.

You think he'd say the same thing to a man? I don't think he'd notice whether or not a man was wearing a coat, and if he did, wouldn't comment. So yes, the fact she's a woman is relevant.

To me it just sounds like a clumsy way to start a conversation. You're massively overthinking things.

Well opals are unlucky but apart from that, are you sure he was the shop owner? Whatever, weird comment

I disagree with a lot of the comments, its a completely weird way to treat someone who may be a customer and frankly excusing someone's rudeness as humour seems bonkers. He's just a knob! Agree would he have said it to a man, or could a woman get away with saying that to a bloke?!

I think you have just found out how easy it is to unintentionally offend some people, OP.

If I were you, I would use that as a point of empathy with the jewellery man - he almost certainly wasn't intending to offend you either - and not give what he said a second thought.

Absolutely this.

He was making a joke about her not wearing a coat on a chilly day.

A 'joke' is only funny if the person it's aimed at is laughing.

And the OP is allowed to find something annoying and offensive even if it's 'not that deep.' 🙄

I don’t think he would have said that if he genuinely thought you couldn’t afford a coat. It sounds like a bad attempt at a joke.

Anyone can find anything annoying or offensive, it doesn't mean they are right to do so.

Sometimes people don't understand a joke or find it funny. That doesn't mean the person making the joke was wrong to do so. There is a difference between making a cruel joke at someone's expense, and just telling a joke that it happens didn't appeal to the other person's sense of humour.

OP said she was dressed well. So he clearly didn't think she really was too poor for a coat or to buy jewellery. It was a joke based on not wearing a coat on a cold day. Its not going to win the Perrier award but then most small talk 'jokes' aren't.

There is nothing to indicate he meant anything bad by it and people are being a bit dickish to manufacture offense.

That's how I would have taken it.

In the spirit of Pretty Woman, get yourself dolled up to the nines with as much classy jewellery as you can wear with as many designer bags as you can carry then go back to the shop and say "remember me? you weren't prepared to serve me the other day because I didn't have a coat. Well, [and wave your bags at him] ... big mistake".

And then do the Confident Woman Strut off down the street.

Think he was just trying to have a laugh with you. "Maybe you should buy yourself a coat first before you buy expensive jewellery". Nothing really insulting about it, try not to take everything so serious.

👏👏

I would go into his shop google business listing/yelp and write a bad review of my interaction with said owner "when you were about to step inside the shop to buy a pair of earrings".

Why would anyone be such a petty, malicious, spite-filled unreasonable wanker as to do this? You would try to destroy a man's livelihood because you didn't understand his humour in a passing quip?

Jeez, I just despair of people, I really do.

I would have been annoyed. It isn't for someone in a shop to make jokes like that, telling me off as if he were my dad.

This. I think it was just his quirky sense of humour and he didn't mean any harm. He's not going to meaningfully upset a customer. I know my banter could be taken the wrong way sometimes and I have to think twice about what I'm coming out with.