Kids clubs and birthdays

[autumngirl714]

How do you approach children’s after school clubs when they clash with close family birthdays?

Do you let your child miss their club so the family can get together, or do you skip the celebration to keep to their usual routine?

In my family, we tend to miss the club, we’re quite a small family, so it feels important to make the effort and be there for birthdays. My sibling, though, always prioritises the clubs, even for milestone birthdays or the younger cousins, which I find a bit of a shame.

Curious how others balance it, do you think it’s fine to miss a week, or is keeping to the routine more important?

I think if you join a club/ group you have to show some commitment to that group. My DD goes to Guides and the number of girls that miss it each week shocks me. There is always at least 2 if not 3 drop outs for various reasons.

We have clubs 6 days a week, and 7 days if you include my stuff.
we will try to miss clubs rather than birthdays, because clubs will still be there next week, the birthday won’t be, but at the same time we try to arrange birthday stuff so it doesn’t clash with clubs (for example on Saturday's my little one goes to theatre club in the morning, so we arranged his party for 3pm in the afternoon, thus avoiding both theatre and Sunday morning rugby)

Because doing those things doesn’t take that long. Simple.

Also just to note, when some of you are talking about cousins being extended family, that isn’t the case for us. We are very close. We see eachother all the time, help other with childcare and school runs. I consider us my immediate family.

Semantics really.
It sounds like you and your family and your sister and her family have a similar closeness that me/ my family and my sister and her family have. However, they don't live in our house, so I think 'extended family' is the usual description for the family that aren't part of the 'you, your spouse, and your dc' unit.

Same with the 'several' or 'couple' of hours question.
Driving or walking round to the other house; all getting in / taking coats off ; getting the order together between chatting and catching up; phoning the order through or ordering on-line; going to collect or waiting for delivery once it is cooked and order put together; then eating it, clearing up, then cake and candles, opening presents and cards, all before you start on board games.
It's got to take a decent amount of time. You are being pedantic about the word 'several'.

I completely agree with this.
If you commit to going to something - be it a sports team, Guides, Scouts, (incl younger sections), drama groups, or anything else, then that is a commitment. Dropping out, or missing sessions (with the exception of when you are ill) can be really disruptive, for other people as well as the child themselves.

DH turned 40 a few weeks ago. Both kids had clubs, which they still went to. We had a weekend celebration and then a nice dinner together as the 4 of us on the day.

My parents also made a big deal of birthdays growing up, but we always went for the double or triple celebration - party with friends, family weekend celebration and presents on the day. My DC have embraced this.

I can see as a single parent other adult company would be nice, but if your parents are free, that gives you some company.

We wouldn't get together int he week to celebrate birthdays unless it was a milestone birthday, especially with children. We get together at fbe weekend either side of it and would around weekend clubs where can. As the children are still very young I think you may find the weekday get together a
Start to change, clubs and out of school activities get more not less as they get older

I prioritise friends and family birthday parties over pretty much everything.

In the week everyone is at work and the children have committed to clubs. I don’t have time to spend much time at people’s houses.

Do you and your close family members work full time? I think this limits plans much more than clubs.

I think it depends upon the club and whose birthday it is. Usually school days take up enough of the day as it is so we tend to celebrate at weekends.

I’d completely understand someone cancelling their club for a family birthday though.

We don’t really invite family around for birthdays (not like the actual birthday if it falls during the week), as that’s just not what we do in our family. No one lives close enough to just pop over. For example, no, we don’t ever visit MIL or BIL on their birthdays, but equally, they’d never visit us for ours. We’d get a WhatsApp message and that’s it. They might want to visit for dc’s birthdays, but they like to come and stay overnight for several days. I just can’t do birthday and house guests and working and school runs mid-week. It’s too much and frankly, I just don’t want to see them that badly. 🤣

But amongst the 4 of us, it’s really up to what everyone wants to do. If someone really wants to go to an activity, we work around it. If they want to skip it or re-schedule the class for a different day, then we do that. I’d rather everyone be happy than celebrate on a specific day.

I’d absolutely never expect anyone to cancel an activity they’ve paid for to attend my child’s birthday tea though. We can always celebrate another day. It’s nice to have a birthday week and we tend to do more than one celebration to fit everything in.

No I’m not being pedantic about the word several. Several hours is several hours, it’s not one or two hours, it’s several.

I never said anything about “several hours.” Our visits are around 2 hours maybe, it depends how long we WANT to stay. This may change, there’s no set time or expectations, but it’s hardly several hours on a school night with young children.

Changing my wording changes the meaning entirely, so if you’re going to twist it or add your own words in to change the context, then expect to be corrected.

I prioritise their clubs because of the cost, and not wanting my child to have to wait two weeks in between the club.

And nor in your family is it the “norm” as we are talking about your brother here @autumngirl714

Two hours is several hours really - most people don’t have that amount of time free in the evenings after work when they have bath time, clubs, homework and whatever else to sort out.

Even as an adult I wouldn’t want to faff about with cake and games for two hours after work.

Two is a couple. 🤯

Semantics.

It’s still a lot of time to give up on a weekday evening.

How often do you usually get together with your brother and his children?

We’d always miss the club for other one off events like birthdays, bonfire night, etc. between my kids there’s something 5 days a week so clashes happen. It’s not a big deal to me - yes the child enjoys it, they can enjoy it next week.

It’s not semantics. A couple hours and several hours have two different meanings and completely change the context of things.

Are you always so pernickety?

The point is that it’s a bit much to expect people to give up two hours of their evening for a birthday when they’re likely already busy with other things.

like I’ve said previously we see eachother a lot. We both help with school runs weekly as we work different days, I help them with childcare and they’re always invited out on activities with me and my children.

I think this is why you are able to do this and feel miffed if someone isn't available for a birthday. You are a close family that spend your day to day lives together. Having a birthday to celebrate doesn't sound like much difference to if a family member did the whole school run and they all went back to one house for a bit while the adults had a cup of tea or something.
This isn't the case for many families and there need to have immediate family round on the day is a lot less than yours.

Are you?!

It’s not about being persnickety. I didn’t even say “several hours”, you said that and then tried to quote my post where I said it, when I didn’t! Instead just saying “oops, my mistake”, you’ve just continue to cling onto this several hours to try and change the context of my thread. we all won’t doesn’t take several hours to cut a slice of cake. You’ve tried to suggest that to poke fun.

If you’re going to try and call someone out, at least get it right or own it when you’re wrong. It’s exhausting on MN when people try to be smart or sarcastic at someone else’s expense, it happens constantly and just derails the discussion.

Going to a birthday celebration on a school night with younger school age children is practically the whole of the after school time and does take several hours even if the "at birthday bit" is only 2.

School finishes what - 3.30pm?

Then you go home and change and go to the birthday child's house - 4.30pm?

2 hours there takes you to 6.30pm. Then by the time you are home and settled back in it's 7pm, and you are basically looking to fit in some reading and then getting the DC into bed. And do neither of the children's parents work at that time of day? Or are you expecting them to take time off work to do this as well?

DC missed their club this year for DHs birthday but would not have missed if it was close to a new grade/exam/event. Would not miss it for extended family, grandparents, cousins etc. We are a close family but no one would expect that on a weeknight. Clubs are expensive however they are paid for and a comittment. Celebrating on the weekend is more relaxed, and the children are not tired from school.

I've missed lots of family events, Christmas etc because of being unable to get time off work. My siblings have missed things because of work. We all understand that we celebrate together when we can and any special day can be moved if it needs to be. I think it all depends on your family culture and expectations.