Kids clubs and birthdays

[autumngirl714]

How do you approach children’s after school clubs when they clash with close family birthdays?

Do you let your child miss their club so the family can get together, or do you skip the celebration to keep to their usual routine?

In my family, we tend to miss the club, we’re quite a small family, so it feels important to make the effort and be there for birthdays. My sibling, though, always prioritises the clubs, even for milestone birthdays or the younger cousins, which I find a bit of a shame.

Curious how others balance it, do you think it’s fine to miss a week, or is keeping to the routine more important?

Are you taking a day off for every birthday? How are the adults available in the afternoon?

We always move birthday get together to the weekend nearest it.

When birthdays fall on a 'school night' or club night we have a cake and blow out candles and open cards - and then get on with life. Ie go to club. Familt gathering (to have more cake and singing 😊) on the Sat or Sun after usually.

Then I definitely wouldn't be missing an activity.

I wouldn’t expect birthday celebrations after school to involve other people. Party at the weekend, cake and presents at home on the day.

Usually Mumsnet is of the opinion of not cancelling things just because something better came up. That fits in with that.

I defo wouldn’t be missing clubs for that.

I wouldn’t change plans for a cousins birthday unless a big party.

I'll change plans for a party but not for a slice of cake.

Agree! Weekday celebrations are for immediate family only and are low key- presents and cake. A bigger family meal or whatever needs to wait until the weekend. The kids are in clubs because we work. I’m not taking a half day to finish early to pick them up at 3 to have tea and cake with their cousin. And my youngest is only 4 so can’t cope with a late night out a restaurant or party and then function at school the next day.

Odd response

The fact you’re a single mum is irrelevant. Your nieces and nephews don’t have to miss clubs to make up the numbers for cutting the cake.

That’s just your circumstances.

In our house both parents book the day off work, birthday child can have the day off school. Birthday's are the most important day of the year, we make a big fuss.
We don't stop the other kids going to their clubs, but so far they've always chosen not to go.
Don't worry about others in your extended family, just focus on you and your kids. You can still give them a wonderful day.
Cousins should not be told they can't go to clubs because of someone else birthday.

I’ve got an only child and as per PP, on the actual birthday we’ll open presents and have cake but wouldn’t expect anyone to cancel pre booked stuff/their daily lives. Parties are planned weeks in advance at a weekend, if people can’t make it then they can’t make it.
Are you from a big family @autumngirl714 where there were always lots of people around? Maybe all lived close to each other? I had a friend at school who had loads of cousins, all lived close by, all went to the same school and so it would have been easy for them to gather for an hour after school on the actual birthday. My cousins lived over an hour away so there wouldn’t have been any expectation we’d be able to make it on a week day.

Miss clubs for our birthdays, but not for cousins birthdays

I wouldn’t expect other people to take their children out of clubs, and potentially book time off work/arrange to leave work early for my child’s birthday. I’d do it at the weekend. Weekday evenings are often pretty busy for most people I know.

On the day celebrations are whoever is available. Generally just us, grandparents and sometimes BIL's kids as they live in the same street.

Weekend celebrations with wider family and friends.

Depends on if they need to attend the club.

routine - nah we’d miss it.

However my ds is British level in his sport and he won’t miss training if a competition is coming up and he wouldn’t mind if someone missed his in return for whatever reason.

However immediate family we’d agree a date that suited us all.

extended family - there’s over 50 people so it’s “X is happening - let me know if you can come”.

Quite the opposite! I’m from a very small family and we do everything together and always have.
there’s literally me, our parents, my sibling and her husband and children. I’m a single parent so I spend most of my time on my own. Which may be part of the reason why I think it’s important to make the effort - I know what it feels like to be on my own and feel forgotten at times…

But the main reason really is how special my mum and dad made birthdays for us growing up and I love that. I will always make the effort to show up to these things. It’s obviously rubbed off on my children too as they would be devastated if they missed grandmas birthday or anyone else for a club!
we normally have a big celebration on the weekend and then on their birthdays we’ll go round to whoever’s birthday it is and have a little celebration. Sometimes a takeaway, games, just cake etc.

I accept I’m a minority here, but happy to be so tbh! I just wanted to hear others thoughts.

Celebrate at the weekend closest. We never had a gathering on the fat itself, if it fell on a weekday. We'd just have a birthday breakfast and then whatever the birthday child wanted for dinner. Partied and or family get-together to celebrate would be at the weekend.

My children never missed clubs or activities unless due to illness - we paid for them so wouldn't make sense to miss.

I think the problem is sports clubs cost so much. I always try and avoid missing swimming at £10+ a class for example. We'll try and do both so swim then go for tea etc! Weekends work best here but even then as kids get older it gets more difficult!

So would you guys not saying AIBU go and see your mum or dad on their birthday?
I get the cost. I pay for all their clubs monthly so if they miss a session it doesn’t really make much difference! Mine had to miss theatre club and martial arts last week as I had parents evening at the same time and nobody to take them. Just is what it is sometimes!

Since they live 200 miles away... no. But birthdays have always been weekend things, even for small children.

Both my DDs have even gone on residential school trips over their birthdays.

As a Youth group leader... I'd say about 50% kids will attend on their own birthday, more on a parents birthday and none have ever said they wouldn't attend something for a cousins birthday. Plenty have come on camp over their birthday as well (and we always sort a cake!)

I'd miss the club, connecting with family is more important. They go to the club every week, birthdays come round infrequently.

We have sports clubs four nights out of five and they are commitments - my children go on their own birthdays as they love going. We don’t have cousins around the corner but i certainly wouldn’t drop rugby for a slice of cake.

No, I wouldn't go see my parents on their birthday if it falls on a weekday. They don't live close enough to just pop by for a few minutes.

Week day evenings are busy enough without having to factor in family birthdays. Where is the time to come from ?? Home from work/school, homework, dinner, kids activities, our own hobbies, getting ready for the following day, etc, etc.