To think that cheating doesn’t always make you the bad guy?

Zigzagmug · 30/10/2025 11:13

I agree life isn't black and white. I think cheating is also a bad thing to do, but everyone does bad things from time to time, and I don't know why this one is so much worse than the others.

I think there are serial cheaters who are terrible people, but I also think there are good people who make bad decisions, often whilst trying keep everyone happy.

HoskinsChoice · 30/10/2025 11:15

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YetiRosetti · 30/10/2025 11:17

Sometimes cheating can be a response to poor treatment from a partner, but generally speaking it is a horrible shitty selfish thing to do.

JLou08 · 30/10/2025 11:18

Two rights don't make a wrong. Cheating is wrong, even if the reasons are understandable. If someone assaulted someone who was goading them, the assaulter is still wrong.

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 30/10/2025 11:19

You leave the relationship before getting involved with someone else. Cheating always makes you the guy

Gingernaut · 30/10/2025 11:19

Cheating is always wrong

End the relationship if it's so bad you're considering an affair

Lyra87 · 30/10/2025 11:21

There's an interesting podcast called The Affair, by Anna Williamson. It actually delves into this topic. I started listening to it a couple of months ago and I find it fascinating, as some of the stories are heartbreaking and others where there's a bit of a grey area. From my point of view I think some affairs are not straightforward black and white 'cheater is bad person'. However I imagine there's a lot of people who cheat just because they can.

Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired · 30/10/2025 11:22

If you're trapped, lonely and emotionally neglected, then leave them or work on your relationship. HTH.

noidea69 · 30/10/2025 11:25

Lyra87 · 30/10/2025 11:21

There's an interesting podcast called The Affair, by Anna Williamson. It actually delves into this topic. I started listening to it a couple of months ago and I find it fascinating, as some of the stories are heartbreaking and others where there's a bit of a grey area. From my point of view I think some affairs are not straightforward black and white 'cheater is bad person'. However I imagine there's a lot of people who cheat just because they can.

Let me guess, the podcast has women on who have cheated, and they explain how it was their husbands fault that they cheated?

Imagine guys churning out a podcast like that.

Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2025 11:26

RegretfulJaneDoe · 30/10/2025 11:08

Sometimes you’re trapped, lonely, emotionally neglected. People want clean villains and heroes but real life is messier than that.

Cheating is wrong, end of.

Endofyear · 30/10/2025 11:28

I agree - one of my best friends had an affair. She was trapped in a marriage with a horrible cold controlling man and was utterly miserable. She met someone kind and caring and that gave her the impetus to leave finally. She had tried so hard to make the marriage work for so long and her husband was vile. She's still with her new partner many years later and her life is happy and peaceful. I don't judge her. Unless you've been in that situation and desperately unhappy, you've no idea.

Octavia64 · 30/10/2025 11:30

Yes it does.

the other person(s) may also be a bad guy of course.

Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2025 11:33

Endofyear · 30/10/2025 11:28

I agree - one of my best friends had an affair. She was trapped in a marriage with a horrible cold controlling man and was utterly miserable. She met someone kind and caring and that gave her the impetus to leave finally. She had tried so hard to make the marriage work for so long and her husband was vile. She's still with her new partner many years later and her life is happy and peaceful. I don't judge her. Unless you've been in that situation and desperately unhappy, you've no idea.

My Father was awful and my Mum met a man that finally encouraged her to divorce him, they were together happily for over 20 years until she died.
I still think she was wrong to cheat and he was wrong to pursue woman who was married

DingDongJingle · 30/10/2025 11:34

If you feel the way you outline in your OP then leave your relationship before beginning another one.

Swiftasthewind · 30/10/2025 11:36

RegretfulJaneDoe · 30/10/2025 11:08

Sometimes you’re trapped, lonely, emotionally neglected. People want clean villains and heroes but real life is messier than that.

If a woman I know cheats on her partner/husband I just automatically assume she is justified in doing so. If men have a problem with that, they can be try being better partners 🤷‍♀️

EveryMeandEveryYou · 30/10/2025 11:37

Cheating is not having the balls to break up and deliberately hurting and deceiving someone you have committed to. No excuse for that.

DiscoBob · 30/10/2025 11:37

JLou08 · 30/10/2025 11:18

Two rights don't make a wrong. Cheating is wrong, even if the reasons are understandable. If someone assaulted someone who was goading them, the assaulter is still wrong.

I think you mean two wrongs don't make a right?

Lyra87 · 30/10/2025 11:38

noidea69 · 30/10/2025 11:25

Let me guess, the podcast has women on who have cheated, and they explain how it was their husbands fault that they cheated?

Imagine guys churning out a podcast like that.

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It is mostly women as guests yea, but a couple of men as well. Not sure why you're making it a gendered issue and assuming it's a men bashing podcast (it's not).

GreyCarpet · 30/10/2025 11:39

Cheating is wrong.

If you're not happy, fix it or leave. Bit don't draw someone else into your mess.

Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired · 30/10/2025 11:40

Swiftasthewind · 30/10/2025 11:36

If a woman I know cheats on her partner/husband I just automatically assume she is justified in doing so. If men have a problem with that, they can be try being better partners 🤷‍♀️

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Why don't they just leave their partners, if they're so crap?

HRTQueen · 30/10/2025 11:42

No life and people and situations are complex

take the example of a partner that is abused, very low self esteem another abuser sees this a mile off and takes advantage of someone that is in desperate need of loving attention or maybe that person is good and gets them away from their abusive partner

is that person so awful ? I don’t think so those around them who take advantage are

it’s all very well saying get some support, work on yourself but not everyone has the inner confidence, the time or the money too

another example someone being a full time career for their partner it is not physical relationship anymore it’s very one sided love can still be there but sometimes people need affection and to feel desired too

There is many examples of why people have affairs and not everyone who does is a terrible person, people are fallible

LimeGalah · 30/10/2025 11:42

It’s not like you can’t orchestrate a scenario where it’s not immoral behaviour. But you can say the same about murder.

The most likely reality is that the person cheating is wrong . The person they are cheating with is wrong. What they are doing is cruel.

Jc2001 · 30/10/2025 11:45

Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2025 11:33

My Father was awful and my Mum met a man that finally encouraged her to divorce him, they were together happily for over 20 years until she died.
I still think she was wrong to cheat and he was wrong to pursue woman who was married

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So she could have lived the last 20 years of her life in misery. Circumstances lead to cheating in most cases, and it's noy ideal, but then it's not ideal be the person that makes their spouse utterly miserable.

Rachie1973 · 30/10/2025 11:49

I cheated on my ex H. He’d been sleeping with my mother whilst I was pregnant.

we limped on for a while. I was scared of being alone with 4 kids. Then I met my new partner and cheated myself.

Should I have. No, probably not. Do I care. No. Definitely not.

been remarried to new DH 21 years now.

Hoardasurass · 30/10/2025 11:49

If your relationship ducks that badly leave don't cheat