Mumsnet should protect women from creepy perverts

[notthisagain2025]

On every single question that comes anywhere near sex there will be a few disgusting men clearly enjoying harassing women, giving unsolicited and grubby details about their weird kink wank fetish, trying to minimise women's natural and real concerns, and a few handmaidens bringing up the rear, as it were.

These people get a kick out of harassing women with sleazy, unsolicited details of their greasy kink wank fetishes.

This isn’t a grubby fetish site, women here shouldn’t have to put up with the creepy, one-handed typing we get everywhere else online.

Unless a thread specifically asks for talk about perversions or bedroom habits, those comments should be removed.

Only a sad freak would pretend my stance comes from not having a healthy sex life. I assume your sex life is shockingly bad if you pretend to believe that, projection is real. My sex life is great, and that's all you need to know.

No, I despise these slobbering sleazers because they push boundaries. They get off on forcing us to be an audience for their grubby fantasy lives.

You know who I mean, the ones who call strangulation "choking" and pretend it's just jolly good fun, not a life threatening assault. The ones who call a healthy sex life "vanilla" in a desperate attempt to shame people for not being porn addicted sleazers. The ones who talk about "sex positivity" which really means we are all positive they're creepy bastards with no boundaries who want us to shred our boundaries too.

These grubs hate boundaries and they want ours removed to.

It’s their thrill at making us unwilling readers of their dodgy kinks and their attempts to normalise their sleazy daydreams that pisses me off, not the acts themselves.

Do whatever you want in private and keep your trap shut unless invited.

I don't care what you do behind closed doors with consenting adults, and neither does anybody else - which is what these desperados hate more than anything. They want to be seen and heard, and they get off on knowing that it grosses other people out.

YABU - I think creepy bastards should post all their filthy nonsense here and force us to read it as part of their fetish.

YANBU - Unless it's a thread about kinks, perversions and so on keep it to yourself, nobody cares, and mumsnet should be heavily moderating this crap.

Ok so please explain how MN and fix this, how would MN know who is male or fermale, and shock horror knock be down with a feather but not all woman are saints, I know it is a massive surprise

Gosh, I’m a big user of Mumsnet but these posts seem to be missing from my feed.

Ha!

YABU - I’ve yet to encounter this here and I’ve been here since 2010. Anyhoo, I voted YABU because it’s ridiculous to imply we’re forced to read what you’re objecting to. We have agency. Mumsnet isn’t some MKUltra experiment where we’re strapped to chairs in front of a c screen with our eyes forced open.

Close the thread, shake your head at the sad sack, move on. Or skip over their post in the thread.

I’ve got far far bigger things to worry about.

I didn't know there's a Sex topic section and have no interest in visiting it. But I agree it's not OK if there's a lot of exploitive and/or misogynist stuff there, in what's supposed to be a women-friendly forum.

I suppose "cleaning up" a Sex section would inevitably be a subjective sort of task. Might be best to just get rid of it altogether.

I didn't know there was a sex forum until I read this post!😂

I find it's active chat after a certain time of night and it can range from the dubious to outright perversion.
No interest in the sex board but each to their own.

Thread's being started of that nature I should have added not all of active chat👍😁

That is such a rude childish reply to a thoughtful articulate post. Doesn’t help your case for needing protection, acting that way about people you simply disagree with.

I really would prefer Mumsnet to be a women only space. I don’t want to talk to men I don’t know about my life. And some of the things they say here feel like verbal flashing. I don’t want to unwillingly participate in them articulating themselves as sexual.

obviously impossible to police, and a lot of men are lovely, but I wish they would all go and get their own website.

The Sex forum started because posters found some posts too graphic on the general boards and complained. It was good for a long time, and then it got really, really unpleasant when found by a critical mass of men. MN under pressure stepped back some of its issues and it feels more under control, in that you can ignore it (clearly). If I ever do post there I am likely to get DMs from men.

But the thing is that MN is properly moderated. Especially in the last few years and since that awful SA pictures troll outbreak, if you report on a reasonable basis they don’t ask questions any more, they just shut it down, and ban DM sleazoids and obvious trolls.

The site is plagued with trolls and AI at the moment as well as people promoting ‘light choking’ 🤢but there are still plenty of enjoyable threads and boards as far as I’m concerned. As for MN ‘never having been about women’, it’s always been a business but not sure what on earth you mean about that.

This is the key issue. If you call anyone who expresses an interest in kink a man then I think it is you who should be banned from the site for misogyny.

I've seen many threads on here where people are accused of being men just for having opinions that aren't cohesive with a certain demographic of woman.

Women can like sex. Women can like kinky violent filthy sex.

But why would wanting to be choked make someone a man? Do you really honestly believe that no woman, or no sane woman, enjoys sadomasochism?

So do you believe that the thousands if not millions of women around the world, often WLW, who go out to kink events and seek out kinky partners to indulge in their fetishes like breath play, impact play and electro play, are either crazy, brainwashed or broken?

Do you believe that women would only choose the kind of sex you want?

Yes this kind of misogyny and shaming should be banned by the site.

Well you’ve certainly proved your point OP. Here we have posts precisely aiming to normalise being beaten, strangled and tortured, or beating strangling and torturing, as ‘sex’.

Because these are legit sexual practises that people enjoy and we shouldn't shame people for enjoying non-vanilla (not an insult, just what it is) sex

And do those posts make you - or anyone - want to partake in those things? Clearly not - quite the opposite. The issue here is surely this idea that someone expressing a POV is 'normalising' it and somehow converting innocent women into participating in it because they're not being protected. Arguably protecting them from the existence of these things makes them more at risk, no? Rather than equipping them with the info so they can make up their own minds, which most will be able to do from a gut reaction of wanting to run a mile from pain.

Mumsnet's not like Pornhub where a plethora of pervy vids can give idiot lads the very wrong idea that all women should be game for rough sex. This is a site where it's really clear that every person has their own take and argue back and forth on most issues and everyone's free to agree or disagree, as they are doing here. There's no 'normalising' of rough sex any more than there's normalising of organic snacks in lunchboxes if you want to feed your kids crisps. There's lots of ways of life here and people are free to express and choose as they see fit, and if they find themselves out of their depth in a pervy situation, it's not the fault of Mumsnet for not policing posts, more likely it's the fault of men in their real life.

Thats all lovely, but no. It’s the patronising sleazy tone and the insertion of sex into a conversation where it’s not been invited or has already been rebuffed. Of course women are capable of that too but it’s nearly always men.

’Do you believe that women would only choose the kind of sex you want?’

Case in point - I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, but it’s the aggressive assumption that I give a shit about what kind of sex you want or that you’d have any idea what kind I’d want. I mean… the fact that you are even talking about what kind of sex I’d want is well 🤢 Massive lack of boundaries.

Hop on over to the sex topic, though, (some) people might entertain you there if you don’t insert yourself into inappropriate threads.

Nobody is shaming you, just… keep it where it’s invited?

I wonder sometimes where part of the thrill for people is talking about it in places where it’s not being invited. Just a thought…

I'm sure there are plenty of kinky / poly / sex working people out there who are mature and well-rounded individuals with healthy boundaries, happy to chat about a variety of things - but the ones that tend to stand out are the ones for whom it's a major cornerstone of their identity, and they feel compelled to ram it down your throat, so to speak, and then accuse you of being a sad beige sex-shaming bigot if you respond in anything less than an affirming and celebratory way.

That's arguably the whole thing about kink: taking pleasure in control, humiliation, discomfort, whether your own or someone else's.

Some people manage to keep it compartmentalised in the bedroom and fully consensual, but others splatter it all over their interactions, wanting to control what everyone thinks and says, wanting to proselytise, wanting to make people visualise things that might be disturbing or traumatic for them.

So words like "disgusting", "creepy pervs", acting like it's abnormal etc isn't shaming?

Again, this is a thread discussing sex and how it's talked about so you should expect talk about sex and how it's talked about...

I was responding specifically to the terms in OP’s original comment.

You’re the one repeatedly bringing up specific sex acts with people that haven’t solicited the conversation with you, have made it clear they don’t want to talk about it with you, then complaining about being shamed.

I’m sure there are people elsewhere that would like to discuss this with you, if you’d prefer to feel less shamed.

People are literally using shaming terms about anyone who engages in certain practises. You aren't telling them they shouldn't bring up those acts because they are agreeing with you

You come on to a thread which is talking about sex, perverts and "protecting women" then it is going to invite people to discuss various matters regarding sex and how that's talked about and how offensive/shaming/wrong it is to call people names etc

It's not like this thread is about washing the dishes and people have come on going "oh I love it when my partner bends me over the sink whilst I'm washing up"