Mumsnet should protect women from creepy perverts

[notthisagain2025]

On every single question that comes anywhere near sex there will be a few disgusting men clearly enjoying harassing women, giving unsolicited and grubby details about their weird kink wank fetish, trying to minimise women's natural and real concerns, and a few handmaidens bringing up the rear, as it were.

These people get a kick out of harassing women with sleazy, unsolicited details of their greasy kink wank fetishes.

This isn’t a grubby fetish site, women here shouldn’t have to put up with the creepy, one-handed typing we get everywhere else online.

Unless a thread specifically asks for talk about perversions or bedroom habits, those comments should be removed.

Only a sad freak would pretend my stance comes from not having a healthy sex life. I assume your sex life is shockingly bad if you pretend to believe that, projection is real. My sex life is great, and that's all you need to know.

No, I despise these slobbering sleazers because they push boundaries. They get off on forcing us to be an audience for their grubby fantasy lives.

You know who I mean, the ones who call strangulation "choking" and pretend it's just jolly good fun, not a life threatening assault. The ones who call a healthy sex life "vanilla" in a desperate attempt to shame people for not being porn addicted sleazers. The ones who talk about "sex positivity" which really means we are all positive they're creepy bastards with no boundaries who want us to shred our boundaries too.

These grubs hate boundaries and they want ours removed to.

It’s their thrill at making us unwilling readers of their dodgy kinks and their attempts to normalise their sleazy daydreams that pisses me off, not the acts themselves.

Do whatever you want in private and keep your trap shut unless invited.

I don't care what you do behind closed doors with consenting adults, and neither does anybody else - which is what these desperados hate more than anything. They want to be seen and heard, and they get off on knowing that it grosses other people out.

YABU - I think creepy bastards should post all their filthy nonsense here and force us to read it as part of their fetish.

YANBU - Unless it's a thread about kinks, perversions and so on keep it to yourself, nobody cares, and mumsnet should be heavily moderating this crap.

I read it but I don't know what to make of it really.

It just sounds like someone who is into that sort of sexual practice.

Whilst it's certainly not for me, it doesn't make them definitely a man.

Anyway, any Mumsnet members acting in the way the OP describes should be dealt with by MNHQ no matter what they have between their legs.

The problem is the posts need to be reported and people need to understand a public forum is not a 'safe space'.

Definitely agree on a public forum not being a safe place!

On every single question that comes anywhere near sex there will be a few disgusting men clearly enjoying harassing women, giving unsolicited and grubby details about their weird kink wank fetish, trying to minimise women's natural and real concerns, and a few handmaidens bringing up the rear, as it were.

I don't bother with the sex topic, so I don't know

but you lost me with your "handmaidens" which are likely posters who simply.. don't agree with you.

If you are one of the posters weirdly bitter and hating "MEN", it's hardly surprising not everyone will have the same views.

My DH used to work in an office where all the sad little male computer programmers would have a laugh over their elevenses about how they stayed up all night trolling Mumsnet. It’s a favourite hobby of middle aged incels with long dirty fingernails.

For instance, the second post on this thread at 22:37…

Is the OP actually talking about the sex topic though?

It's not clear but now I've thought about it I suspect she is, which would explain why I'm not really seeing the posts she's referring to.

I don't doubt it.

But it's also a favourite hobby of saddos in general, and that's what I mean by we really can't tell the sex of trolls.

Even MNHQ can't know for sure.

😂

I’ve been on here most days for well over a decade and don’t think this has been an issue. As a public site of course you’ll get a range of takes but generally the vibe is much more anti-porn than society in general must be (for porn to thrive eternally) and there’s always heaps of support for women who’ve gone off sex, don’t want to do xyz in bed, aren’t remotely pervy etc. I don’t see any insidious pervy propaganda gaining any ground and it’s not on mumsnet to police posters who have a pervy point of view, male or female, and the vast majority here tend to be female, while the obvious men take a big risk posting anything and will get their balls handed to them for very minor enquiries let alone something overtly pervy.

Maybe I’ve missed the threads OP means or maybe I’m part of the problem. I don’t think so. I saw a couple of comments on the ‘suck me off’ thread from women saying they liked dirty talk and choking stuff but that was a drop in the ocean compared to all the anti-pervy posts and even the pro posts were even-handed saying respect was essential. If someone breaks site rules, reporting it is effective ime. Beyond that, I think it’s on us to know our limits and exercise our judgment, not be ‘protected’ from points of view we don’t have to share.

(edited to add a par break!)

I recall seeing one where someone kept wittering on about 'kink'. It's the kind of thing I'd expect on Reddit, but not on here.

I don't think so. That's not an area I'd normally wander into, but I've seen the type of posts she's talking about in other areas - I recall seeing some where the OP has been distressed about something that's happened to them.

“ Unless a threat specifically asked for a talk about perversions or bedroom habits”

I think that’s key. Sort of like the trigger warning we need a sexual content/kink warning. I think women need to be able to talk about sex too. There are women calling strangulation choking because they are brainwashed into believing healthy sec is vanilla. Anonymous discussions online are a great way for us to open their eyes and save some brainwashed handmaiden. Women should be able to talk about this stuff not be silenced and blocked from the wise input from other women. But it needs to be consensual conversation and those who don’t want to read it should not have that choice

Seeing this is the second post on this thread telling women they should talk about choking more, I agree.

We should talk about how violent sex is so normalised in ever available porn that young men think that choking is standard and young girls are coerced into it believing it’s expected while people-pleasing women and gleeful men talk about sex-positivity and not ‘kink-shaming.’

So yeah, we should definitely talk about that. But if they want to talk about actually doing it, how about they take that to the sex topic.

Actually, I’m editing this to add - I think I might have misunderstood your post because if the vanilla comment. Apologies if so, it’s just there’s a post further up that is saying the opposite…

Anonymous discussions online are a great way for us to open their eyes and save some brainwashed handmaiden. Women should be able to talk about this stuff not be silenced and blocked from the wise input from other women. But it needs to be consensual conversation and those who don’t want to read it should not have that choice

I 100% agree with this except I think we should drop the derogatory term 'handmaiden', as I don't think any woman would want to enter into a discussion with posters who are just going to insult them.

See also 'cool wives'.

If anyone really wants to open the eyes of other women, they'll surely do it in a mature and adult way.

I think that’s what the Sex topic was originally intended for, wasn’t it?

Genuinely - the threads on that kinda topic that I’ve seen will have an avalanche of posts telling the woman to leave the guy, supporting her in doing so, raging about his lies and not to be taken in and so on. There will be some of the sort that you describe but not the majority or enough to influence an OP nefariously. Same with the kinky stuff, some may be into it but I’ve never seen that being the dominant take on here or any risk of brainwashing into kink.

Ah yes
I'm a man because I have different sexual desires than you

Do get over yourself

Handmaiden should be considered the same as Karen

It's just a name people throw around on MN to try and silence women who don't follow their idea of what's right

No, it’s the encouragement that we should all discuss and normalise choking. I mean, you do you, absolutely, but just over on the sex topic. We really don’t need to be normalising it. Why are you even suggesting we all need to have a good chat about it on this unrelated thread? Young women are on the receiving end of that expectation far too much as a result of porn these days.

You do know women can make informed decisions and enjoy light choking without being "people pleasers"?

That women can have kinks without being "brainwashed"?

And that we agree about openly talking about kink more so people know how to be safe and understand consent so maybe stop calling me names?