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Original poster

Lost in translation? Lack of respect?

77 replies

MelliehaBay93 · 29/10/2025 00:49

My parents (over 70s) were walking home with the dog after quite a heavy shower. My husband was returning from work and drove past them. He beeped his horn to greet them.

He continued driving for another 3-4 mins until he reached home. I was shocked that he hadn't stopped along the way to give them a lift. He told me he couldn't do this as the road was very narrow and there was a van and another vehicle behind him.

He said by the time he would have found somewhere to pull over, there wouldn't have been much point in giving them a lift.

For extra context, my husband is half-Arab/half European.

I honestly felt so embarrassed when my parents walked through the door 10 mins later because if it were me, I wouldn't have thought twice about stopping for them.

My husband did apologise after my mum and I mentioned it. My parents are very diplomatic so as not to offend anyone where possible but I know they are hurt by such actions as they didn't raise their children to act in this way.

On the other hand, I question am I holding my husband to too high standards? Also questioned if it's a cultural difference but he said no. Wonder if it just boils down to different ways of showing respect.

I don't want to control my husband's behaviour as he is his own person and he does have many positive characteristics. However, scenarios like this make me feel awkward as I'm stuck in the middle between him and my parents and it's very difficult to manage both of their different expectations.

Any advice please?

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 29/10/2025 00:55

Having lived in an Arab country ex partner is Arab this isn’t what I would expect, quite the opposite

so I just think he was being thoughtless/ or is selfish

Mebie · 29/10/2025 00:58

Sounds like it’s not lost in translation or a lack of respect he told you exactly why “told me he couldn't do this as the road was very narrow and there was a van and another vehicle behind him.” how do you expect him to stop and load them up in this situation. They weren’t that far away, just minutes behind, with no easy way to pull over.

araiwa · 29/10/2025 04:17

Why make up a load of gobbledygook when he's already told you why he couldn't stop?

tilypu · 29/10/2025 04:22

I wouldn't think to offer a lift to someone that was out walking a dog. I would, rightly or wrongly, assume that's why they were out. Dogs need to be walked, rain or not.

coffy11 · 29/10/2025 04:24

Why would your husband give them a lift? I would have thought they're on a walk with the dog, so they're just going to walk home. It would have been awkward if he tried to pull over in traffic.

McSpoot · 29/10/2025 04:38

tilypu · 29/10/2025 04:22

I wouldn't think to offer a lift to someone that was out walking a dog. I would, rightly or wrongly, assume that's why they were out. Dogs need to be walked, rain or not.

That’s what I was thinking. Different if they were coming home from grocery shopping or something like that.

OP, why didn’t you walk the dog for them, if it was such a sign of disrespect to let them walk?

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 04:43

I think you overplay the relevance of your husband's ethnicity.

Being of both Arab and European descent informs nothing about his cultural norms. Where was he raised? Of which ethnicity was his mother? Which is father? That will inform more about his culture than a simple snapshot of his ethnic composition.

Your post reads a bit like you are talking about managing a foreign exchange student on homestay as opposed to your life partner.

This man is your husband, and you seem to not understand him whatsoever - and that absence of knowledge about him has you now siding with your parents against him in accusing him of being disrespectful.

Please do get to know your husband, and to understand him, his upbringing, his family, his values - in short, who he is. Your marriage will be the better for it.

Lionfisher · 29/10/2025 04:46

I think you should count yourself lucky this is all you and your parents have have to worry about and put it behind you quite honestly.

Bootss · 29/10/2025 04:50
  1. he told you why he could not stop and it makes perfect sense
  2. they were walking the dog, not on a stroll. dogs need walking regardless of weather

yabu

Bearbookagainandagain · 29/10/2025 04:52

"managing different expectations" isn't how it comes across. It comes across as "I don't know how to manage my rude, uneducated husband with such low standards". There wasn't any attempt to see it from his perspective.

He couldn't stop, he told you why already.

Not everyone would have stopped in these circumstances: it's a bit odd to go walk the dog in the rain, but each to their own if that's your parents thing.

Maybe suggest they get down their high horse if they raise this as an issue. And look at the rain forecast.

W0tnow · 29/10/2025 04:55

I like dogs but I don’t like wet ones in my car.

TheFretfulPorpentine · 29/10/2025 04:59

Anyone who regularly walks a dog is going to have decent waterproofs and be resigned to getting wet surely?

TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 29/10/2025 05:08

Personally I wouldn't even stop for the Queen if she had a wet dog with her and I had a lorry up my arse on a narrow road. Any one of those makes it difficult, all three just make it unthinkable.
Do you and your parents not drive? That's the only reason I can think of for this strange lack of understanding on all your parts. Or is your husband some kind of family scapegoat?

marcopront · 29/10/2025 05:31

If people are walking with their dog then surely it is about the journey and not getting to the destination.
I would be more surprised if he had stopped to pick them up. A wet dog is not a pleasant thing to have in a car.

AgentJohnson · 29/10/2025 05:50

I wouldn’t expect a lift if I was walking a dog and was 10 minutes away from my destination. Given your H’s explanation, I wouldn’t even contemplate stopping. This isn’t an H problem and the cultural issue lies with you and your parents. There is a cultural difference between you and your H, I am interested why you think your H’s cultural upbringing may be at fault.

You aren’t the victim here and the ‘caught in the middle’ position you find yourself in is a choice.

No5ChalksRoad · 29/10/2025 06:18

tilypu · 29/10/2025 04:22

I wouldn't think to offer a lift to someone that was out walking a dog. I would, rightly or wrongly, assume that's why they were out. Dogs need to be walked, rain or not.

Absolutely this.

It’s bonkers! Who would see people walking a dog and assume they need a lift?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/10/2025 06:21

I wouldn't offer a lift to a wet dog! Especially of there was no where to stop, and the people had actively chosen to go out for a walk, it would kind of defeat the purpose, surely if they wanted a shorter walk they'd have done that themselves

Bikergran · 29/10/2025 06:24

Are you and your parents non-drivers, OP? He made the perfectly reasonable decision not to stop for traffic safety reasons. You shouldn't just block the road and hold up other traffic to stop and give people a lift, unless they have been injured or there is some kind of emergency!!! He was entirely correct and had zero need to apologise.

MargaretThursday · 29/10/2025 06:24

Who would have been offering to clean the car after the wet dog had been in?

Reallynotsure25 · 29/10/2025 06:26

Not sure what your husband’s cultural background has to do with this. He told you why he couldn’t stop, I also wouldn’t stop in those circumstances particularly wouldn’t want a wet dog in my car.

TwistedWonder · 29/10/2025 06:27

tilypu · 29/10/2025 04:22

I wouldn't think to offer a lift to someone that was out walking a dog. I would, rightly or wrongly, assume that's why they were out. Dogs need to be walked, rain or not.

Agree with this. I wouldn’t even think about giving a lift to someone who is out walking their dog.

Youre being ridiculous OP - your poor DH can’t do right can he?

sciaticafanatica · 29/10/2025 06:32

It was dangerous to stop and they were on a dog walk… you are way overthinking this!

ButtonMushrooms · 29/10/2025 06:33

I agree about not giving a lift to a wet dog. And also about not being able to just stop on a busy road with cars behind him. I think you're being harsh on your DH.

Do you live with your parents? Is there tension between them and him?

FishermanBib · 29/10/2025 06:51

What exactly was unreasonable about your DH’s explanation? Or is it just your culture that makes a perfectly normal situation into an insult?

Neemie · 29/10/2025 06:54

They were walking their dog. The purpose of that is the walking bit. If they wanted to go in a car with their dog, they would have chosen to go for a drive.