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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lost in translation? Lack of respect?

77 replies

MelliehaBay93 · 29/10/2025 00:49

My parents (over 70s) were walking home with the dog after quite a heavy shower. My husband was returning from work and drove past them. He beeped his horn to greet them.

He continued driving for another 3-4 mins until he reached home. I was shocked that he hadn't stopped along the way to give them a lift. He told me he couldn't do this as the road was very narrow and there was a van and another vehicle behind him.

He said by the time he would have found somewhere to pull over, there wouldn't have been much point in giving them a lift.

For extra context, my husband is half-Arab/half European.

I honestly felt so embarrassed when my parents walked through the door 10 mins later because if it were me, I wouldn't have thought twice about stopping for them.

My husband did apologise after my mum and I mentioned it. My parents are very diplomatic so as not to offend anyone where possible but I know they are hurt by such actions as they didn't raise their children to act in this way.

On the other hand, I question am I holding my husband to too high standards? Also questioned if it's a cultural difference but he said no. Wonder if it just boils down to different ways of showing respect.

I don't want to control my husband's behaviour as he is his own person and he does have many positive characteristics. However, scenarios like this make me feel awkward as I'm stuck in the middle between him and my parents and it's very difficult to manage both of their different expectations.

Any advice please?

OP posts:
MannersAreAll · 29/10/2025 11:53

I know they are hurt by such actions as they didn't raise their children to act in this way.

If your parents didn't raise their children to act in accordance with road safety then that's their failing...

Your husband told you why he didn't stop and it's a perfectly reasonable reason. And the absolutely correct and sensible thing to have done.

Why do you think him not stopping in an unsafe position on a narrow road with traffic was somehow some sort of error he made because he doesn't understand culture or your upbringing?

Screwyoucolin · 29/10/2025 11:53

It is a very weird way of thinking. No way would I have a dirty wet dog in my car - if they were out for a walk then he left them to carry on doing what they were doing not like were stranded somewhere.

FieryA · 29/10/2025 11:54

Your parents didn't raise their children to act in this way- what way is that? I am not sure what your husband's ethnicity has to do with this matter, as he provided a valid reason for why he didn't stop. If a British man gave that reason, would it be any different? For you and your parents to be hurt by such a small thing seems very over the top. And like everyone else has said, they were walking the dog- why would anyone want a wet dog in their car?
It seems like you are embarrassed by your husband's background and trying to use it as a reason here. Do you not know your husband well enough? Is he a kind and caring person? If so, then why is this suddenly so offensive?

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 29/10/2025 11:54

I wonder if you have the gumption to show these answers to your husband and then apologise to him.

CryMyEyesViolet · 29/10/2025 11:55

Does he have a dog car seat in his car? If not it wouldn’t even cross my mind to pick up someone with a dog as it’s a legal requirement they’re suitable restrained in the car. And without a towel I wouldn’t be letting my own small wet dog into my car, certainly not half a mile from my house.

Did he even know that they were coming to your house? And not just out mid dog walk?

Branster · 29/10/2025 11:59

Ridiculous.
Your parents were out walking the dog, this entails getting soaking wet at times because of the weather.
Stopping in that narrow road in this instance would have been pointless (very short walk home) and inconvenient to other road users.
Parents and dog were already wet, or getting that way and is to be expected when walking the dog in the autumn.
Why stop, spend 5 minutes faffing around getting in the car with the dog, get the car dirty from the dog and inconvenience everyone else.
It was a very short walk in the wet for your parents. If they couldn't manage it, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have attempted it.
Signalling to them as he drove past is actually polite here. Stopping to give them a lift absolutely not needed.
I don't think it has anything to do with culture.

atamlin · 29/10/2025 12:00

I wouldn’t want a wet dog in my car.

Branster · 29/10/2025 12:01

And to add, I wouldn't want to get a lift when walking my dogs like that. It's a very big inconvenience for the driver and utterly pointless.

Pirating55 · 29/10/2025 12:02

Did they say anything to you about him?? I think he did right

CustardySergeant · 29/10/2025 12:02

Your husband explained why he didn't stop and his reasons were valid. His ethnicity is irrelevant.

Ellie1015 · 29/10/2025 12:06

I wouldnt have stopped for people walking dog. And i would not have accepted a lift if I was already soaking definitely not with a wet dog.

There was nowhere safe to stop so I dont know why you, dh or your parents would think anything after that point.

AmyDudley · 29/10/2025 12:08

You say you wouldn;t have thought twice about stopping, which to me shows complete disregard and disrespect to other road users. It would have been ridiculous to stop, which is why your husband didn't.

Also as an older person with a dog I can tell you that neither me nor the pooch melt in the rain.

Jellybunny56 · 29/10/2025 12:10

This is such a non issue it’s crazy.

They were literally on a dog walk, the key word being WALK.

If they were walking back from the shop or the bus stop in the rain I’d hope he would have offered them a lift, but the purpose of their outing was to walk the dog, it would never occur to me to offer someone out walking the dog a lift, totally defeats the point.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/10/2025 12:11

I’m not sure I’d want a wet and potentially muddy dog in my car.

ohyesido · 29/10/2025 12:14

He’s given you a very reasonable explanation for why he didn’t stop. He couldn’t. Why turn it into something more?

SoSoLong · 29/10/2025 12:22

Ridiculous to think he's done anything wrong. You sound like my DH, the other day I went for a run and it was raining, he passed me in the car and stopped to give me a lift. Hello, I'm running, if I wanted to drive I would have taken my own car?!

ManyATrueWord · 29/10/2025 12:23

I'm the first to notice when a man is being selfish but people who are walking a dog are doing something very specific and necessary. It makes no sense to say "cut your dog walk short". Presumably the dog needs to be walked. YABU.

AnotherDayAnotherStart · 29/10/2025 12:33

MelliehaBay93 · 29/10/2025 00:49

My parents (over 70s) were walking home with the dog after quite a heavy shower. My husband was returning from work and drove past them. He beeped his horn to greet them.

He continued driving for another 3-4 mins until he reached home. I was shocked that he hadn't stopped along the way to give them a lift. He told me he couldn't do this as the road was very narrow and there was a van and another vehicle behind him.

He said by the time he would have found somewhere to pull over, there wouldn't have been much point in giving them a lift.

For extra context, my husband is half-Arab/half European.

I honestly felt so embarrassed when my parents walked through the door 10 mins later because if it were me, I wouldn't have thought twice about stopping for them.

My husband did apologise after my mum and I mentioned it. My parents are very diplomatic so as not to offend anyone where possible but I know they are hurt by such actions as they didn't raise their children to act in this way.

On the other hand, I question am I holding my husband to too high standards? Also questioned if it's a cultural difference but he said no. Wonder if it just boils down to different ways of showing respect.

I don't want to control my husband's behaviour as he is his own person and he does have many positive characteristics. However, scenarios like this make me feel awkward as I'm stuck in the middle between him and my parents and it's very difficult to manage both of their different expectations.

Any advice please?

They were taking the dog for a walk ten minutes walk from home and if he'd stopped he would have completely blocked the road with two vehicles behind him.

I'm a white, middle aged, mixed British origin, woman and have absolutely no idea why you'd think stopping and completely blocking a narrow lane with traffic waiting while two dog walkers - on a dog walk - and a wet dog got into the car was remotely appropriate!

I don't think your husband is the one making poor or culturally inappropriate decisions here, regardless of cultural background!

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 29/10/2025 12:41

DH: offers a reasonable explanation (which isn't needed because not picking up a wet dog is understandable anyway)
You and your DM: berate him and make out its a cultural thing and make him apologise

Yep, I know who was BU here and it wasn't him

Dollymylove · 29/10/2025 12:41

Sometimes you just CANT stop on a whim, especially a narrow road, and with traffic behind. They were already wet so a little bit more isnt going to make much diffsrence😆

Howmanycatsistoomany · 29/10/2025 12:55

There was nowhere for him to stop, they were only a few minutes from home, and they were walking the dog.
You and your parents are batshit.

Tryingmybest100 · 29/10/2025 13:17

I have a dog and wouldn't stop for my own DH if it meant our soaking wet dog would be in my car for a 3/4 minute journey as the car would be absolutely covered in water after the dog would repeatedly shake all the water off in it!

I dont think your DH has done anything wrong. They were already wet, were with a soaking wet dog & were a few minutes walk away from home.

I think you are holding him to an unreasonably high standard.

TheDenimPoet · 29/10/2025 13:23

tilypu · 29/10/2025 04:22

I wouldn't think to offer a lift to someone that was out walking a dog. I would, rightly or wrongly, assume that's why they were out. Dogs need to be walked, rain or not.

Yeah this, plus to be honest unless they were struggling (rain doesn't bother me in the slightest, I can just change when I get in!) I wouldn't want a wet dog in my car!

WaltzingWaters · 29/10/2025 13:31

YABU.
He had vehicles behind him and couldn’t pull over to ask if they’d like a lift.
They were walking the dog. Something that needs doing regardless of the weather.
They weren’t exactly miles from home.
I wouldn’t want the wet dog in my car without being prepared for it and having a towel or something in my car.

BauhausOfEliott · 29/10/2025 13:37

But the whole point of taking a dog for a walk is, y’know, actually walking. Offering someone a lift on their dog walk is like offering someone a lift when they’ve gone out for a run. It defeats the whole purpose of their outing. So of course your DH wasn’t rude or unreasonable and no, nothing cultural about it. He’s the normal one here.