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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lost in translation? Lack of respect?

77 replies

MelliehaBay93 · 29/10/2025 00:49

My parents (over 70s) were walking home with the dog after quite a heavy shower. My husband was returning from work and drove past them. He beeped his horn to greet them.

He continued driving for another 3-4 mins until he reached home. I was shocked that he hadn't stopped along the way to give them a lift. He told me he couldn't do this as the road was very narrow and there was a van and another vehicle behind him.

He said by the time he would have found somewhere to pull over, there wouldn't have been much point in giving them a lift.

For extra context, my husband is half-Arab/half European.

I honestly felt so embarrassed when my parents walked through the door 10 mins later because if it were me, I wouldn't have thought twice about stopping for them.

My husband did apologise after my mum and I mentioned it. My parents are very diplomatic so as not to offend anyone where possible but I know they are hurt by such actions as they didn't raise their children to act in this way.

On the other hand, I question am I holding my husband to too high standards? Also questioned if it's a cultural difference but he said no. Wonder if it just boils down to different ways of showing respect.

I don't want to control my husband's behaviour as he is his own person and he does have many positive characteristics. However, scenarios like this make me feel awkward as I'm stuck in the middle between him and my parents and it's very difficult to manage both of their different expectations.

Any advice please?

OP posts:

Whaleandsnail6 · 29/10/2025 06:57

I don't think this has anything to do with culture...I wouldn't stop for someone walking a dog as I would presume they needed to walk the dog, not sit in a car with it!

Also, if there is no where safe to stop, there is nowhere safe to stop.

I think your husband did the right thing and its you and your parents who have the strange expectations and for being hurt that he didn't stop to offer the lift

SophieJo · 29/10/2025 06:57

TheFretfulPorpentine · 29/10/2025 04:59

Anyone who regularly walks a dog is going to have decent waterproofs and be resigned to getting wet surely?

I agree. You and your parents need to respect his answer instead of focussing on the weather or lack of respect.

Regularmumm · 29/10/2025 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FastFood · 29/10/2025 06:58

I wouldn't expect a lift. It's water, not acid, they have a wet dog and it's dangerous to stop.

As whether it is cultural, European / Arab aren't one monolith culture. And that comes across at a bit prejudiced if I'm honest.

stardrops1 · 29/10/2025 06:59

Very odd from your parents and also you agreeing with them! I think your husband had nothing to apologise for - surprised that your mother actually brought it up with him.

Pricelessadvice · 29/10/2025 06:59

It’s a dog walk. You might get wet.

Sirzy · 29/10/2025 06:59

So you wanted him to stop in a dangerous place to pick up a dog that needed walking anyway?

surely part of being a dog owner is knowing at times you will be out in crap weather and therefore you dress prepared!

Thaimonstera · 29/10/2025 07:01

But they were walking the dog?

Tagyoureit · 29/10/2025 10:59

I wouldnt have stopped either! Im not having a wet dog in my car!

HenDoNot · 29/10/2025 11:06

He was driving in dangerous conditions (a wet, narrow road, with vehicles behind him, and nowhere safe to stop).

You parents were walking their dog. The key word there being “walking”.

YABU

ScaryM0nster · 29/10/2025 11:10

I think what might have been lost is the reason for not stopping.

It’s more likely to be a ‘it didn’t cross my mind to give them a lift because they were walking the dog and the point of that is walking, and I only beeped rather than paused to say hi because there was a lorry straight behind me’.

DaisyChain505 · 29/10/2025 11:12

if I see someone out walking their dog that’s because they've chosen to be out walking their dog.

It’s not as if he saw your parents walking home from work and left them.

I also wouldn’t want a wet stinky dog in my car.

MinPinSins · 29/10/2025 11:14

They were walking a dog (who probably wants complete walk) it wasn't appropriate/safe to stop and they aren't made of sugar so can survive a bit of rain.

You and your mum should apologise to your husband for being so rude to him.

DappledThings · 29/10/2025 11:15

Why would he interrupt someone's planned dog walk? Your expectation of him to stop makes no sense. Unless the shower was actually an unexpected storm and they'd gone out in shorts and sandals.

BoredZelda · 29/10/2025 11:19

If you are walking your dog in the winter in the U.K., particularly with the weather we’ve been having the past few days, you expect to get wet. I assume they were dressed for the weather.

He is right, you can’t just stop on the road in the pissing rain to give someone a lift. There is no cultural issue, he did nothing wrong.

theresapossuminthekitchen · 29/10/2025 11:22

It would be very odd to offer a lift to people out walking the dog. If it was suddenly pouring with rain, then maybe, if safe and manageable, I’d stop and ask if they wanted a lift. It sounds like it wasn’t actually raining by this point though - they’ve just got a wet dog (which is one of the worst smells I can think of!) If they were also soaking wet, they needed to think more carefully about their clothing for dog walks. If you let them go out to walk the dog in the rain, because the dog needed a walk or they needed to get something, instead of offering to do it for them then you are the rude one, not your husband who wasn’t there.

Bobiverse · 29/10/2025 11:24

Your parents were walking the dog. That’s an actual activity which means not driving, so why would they want a lift?

Your husband couldn’t stop without blocking traffic, and to load up the two of them and the dog would take time. Why would you do that?

Then your mum actually raising it with him when she got home, and making him apologise? Do you live with your parents? Because if I were him, I’d be pretty fed up of dealing with this if it’s an example of your parents behaviour.

TwistedWonder · 29/10/2025 11:29

Bobiverse · 29/10/2025 11:24

Your parents were walking the dog. That’s an actual activity which means not driving, so why would they want a lift?

Your husband couldn’t stop without blocking traffic, and to load up the two of them and the dog would take time. Why would you do that?

I agree. The nerve of the OP and her mother raising this with him and wanting an apology for perfectly normal (and safe) behaviour

Im starting to wonder if this is a wind up as no one can be this ridiculous surely?

BunnyLake · 29/10/2025 11:33

If he couldn't give them a lift he should have probably just driven past without beeping. What's the point in alerting them to his presence if he can only drive past and not stop?

jacks11 · 29/10/2025 11:35

YABVU, as are your parents.

If I were your DH I would be ignoring your ridiculousness and would not have apoliogised.

i can only assume that either none of you drive or one/both are looking for reasons to find fault with your DH for some other reason- or that you simply like to be offended. I also think you are bringing ethnicity into this unnecessarily, irrelevant as this is not cultural at all.

your dh has given a perfectly valid and sensible reason as to why it was unsafe for him to stop- he was on a narrow road with nowhere safe to stop and traffic behind him. He cannot obstruct traffic to stop to give your parents a lift. It’s incredibly entitled to think he should.
Your parents were walking the dog. Dogs need walking whatever the weather, so I would not automatically assume that they would want me to stop as this would then mean the dog did not actually get the walk you had set out for. I would probably, if safe, stop to ask. But as it was not safe/correct to do so, I wouldn’t have stopped in that situation either.
Getting caught in the rain when dog walking (or indeed when simply out for a walk) is fairly commonplace and most people who have dogs have appropriate waterproofs when heading out- especially in autumn/winter. If they didn’t, that’s their mistake. Unfortunate, it happens but not your DH’s fault. Again, if it was not possible for him to stop safely/without causing an obstruction (potentially a hazard) he was right not to.
Why do you think your DH should let a wet dog into his car? I have dogs and have appropriate covers for the car to save me having to clean it every time they get in. But if you don’t, why should you then have to clean up the mess of a wet dog to save 2 people who are fit enough to own and walk a dog from having to complete a very short walk in the rain?

I cannot understand why you think it more important that your parents, who are presumably fit enough to walk the dog given they have one and actually were walking it, from a short walk in the rain than it is for your husband to drive correctly and safely. Why do your parents need a lift in that situation?

As for the “my parents have not brought us up to behave like that”- what? They have not brought you up to be careful, considerate drivers who are aware of the Highway Code/the law and of the need for safety whilst driving? They didn’t bring you up to behave courteously towards other drivers by not needlessly (and potentially dangerously) obstructing traffic? What nonsense. And if you are right, then that is their failing (and yours) and not your DH’s.

Not only that, but your DH has apologised- needlessly, in my view- but that is still not enough for you! What do you want- his apology written in blood?

Both you and your parents sound rather difficult and entitled, as well as hopelessly unaware of how to drive properly and safely. I do hope none of you are drivers.

AhWeNoss · 29/10/2025 11:39

He told you why he couldn’t stop - it wasn’t safe to do so.

And why would he stop to give them a lift when they were out for a walk?

His cultural heritage has nothing to do with it and sounds like you and your mum are looking for reasons to tear him down.

Bobiverse · 29/10/2025 11:42

It does feel like this has a bit of a racist vibe from your parents… did they say anything along the lines of, “well, that’s Arab men for you, we raise our kids better in this country.”

Cause thats the vibe you’re giving out.

He did nothing wrong.

Sweetleftfood · 29/10/2025 11:44

You are the weird one here! why would it be a translation issue? I would be annoyed if I was in the car behind him and he stopped to get two people in and a dog. Very selfish behaviour that would be and probably warrant a thread on AIBU

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 29/10/2025 11:44

Maybe he rightly didn't want a wet ddog in his car. Has he got a suitable harness and seat belt as the law states ddogs must be secured now?

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 29/10/2025 11:50

Your post is just weird - the idea that you give a lift to people who are out walking their dog. thats ridiculous.

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