To think Dh is doing as little work as possible

[mrstumblesspottybag]

We both work full time but if ever there’s not a lot on and they let someone go early Dh is the first to volunteer to go home bearing in mind he’s hourly paid.
Once he’s maxed out his paid holiday he will take unpaid holiday just because he likes time off.
He takes the maximum amount of sick days and will ask for bank holidays to be unpaid so he doesn’t lose a day there.
We don’t have a huge income between us but if ever he is asked to work late or go in on Saturday he will laugh and say no chance.
It isn’t because he doesn’t like his job it is because he doesn’t like working in any job so does the bare minimum.
He’s always done as little as possible but as he’s got older he seems to do less and less.
We aren’t in financial trouble or anything but to think he isn’t bothered taking less pay because he’d rather finish early or have an extra few days off here and there.

The sick days is grim
they’re not a target to reach and his employer may well pick him up on that

You are neither reasonable nor unreasonable just different.. if there's no money worries what's wrong with his behavior other than the sick days which would really give me the ick. Is he a spender or a saver and is he using your money to do that or are you both comfortable I think we need more information to know if it's judgeable behavior

He’s the main earner as in earns more but we both work full time.
It started when I was on maternity and he wanted to spend more time with me and ds and just carried on now he just works as little as possible.
I don’t think it teaches our children about good work ethics.
It can’t look good to work colleagues when he’s always asking for half days or early finishes for imaginary appointments because he isn’t feeling it today

I have one of these on my team. He's unmanageable and everyone has contempt for him. And I am baffled his lovely, hard-working wife puts up with him. It's not like he works hard when he's there either.

And in turn he doesn't understand why his son is lazy and totally unskilled as a teenager. And blames his wife.

This is just a difference in approach I think.

You could argue… life is for living, not just working - so if you don’t need the money…

Agree on the messaging re taking lots of sick days just because you can’t be bothered to your kids.

My opinion is biased because I'm with him tbh I work to have enough money and then I don't work because I like being at home I like my garden I like my children and I like my husband. My husband's never been that keen on work but we are both retired he still takes on days work and works intermittently I'll never work outside the house again. Over the course of a long and happy marriage it's probably worked out even

I think the issue for me would be the core values underpinning that attitude- being OK with lying and being deceitful, knowing you're leaving others to look after what's your responsibility and lack of accountability. The lack of drive would be a major turn off for me but I recognise that's not for everyone and people want different things out of life.

What I'm curious about op is how does this translate at home? Does he do his 50% or leave you managing the lions share. If he's off and working less hours than you then is he picking up responsibilities at home to even out that time imbalance? How secure would you be if his workplace faces a situation where there needs to be redundancies? Is he is a line of work where work would be easy found elsewhere?

I can understand someone getting to this point in a job they hate close to retirement age but he doesn't sound from your post like he's there yet?

I've got to be honest: his coworkers probably really resent him for this and I think he probably needs to watch that he doesn't get fired.

It's all very well to say he wants to "work to live" etc but the impact on his coworkers will be that someone else is always going to be having to pick up the late shifts he won't take etc. And taking maximum sick leave is going to leave others in the shit. I'm all for work/life balance but treating your job with open contempt is pretty poor unless you have a genuine grievance.

As a PP pointed out its also teaching a pretty poor work ethic to your kids.

I would struggle to respect someone with that attitude to their job.

He’s nowhere near retirement at 38. He enjoys doing the chores together at home. He washes while I dry and he helps with the washing and he hoovers while I do the cleaning and both cook.
He is a good dad too but he just doesn’t want to go to work

His colleagues couldn’t be further from his mind. He’s not a people person and happy for people to think whatever they want.
In his own words he’s not there to lick arse or make friends.
If he got sacked he would go and work somewhere else.
I don’t know how he gets away with it because if I did that I would be sacked before I knew it.

I have to say laziness for me is one of the worst traits ( second only to stinginess)

I think the issue here is him shirking rather than working less.

if he wants a job that lets him flex to do less work then he needs to get one, not take the piss with days off for appointments and sick days.

We both come from a very hard working family so it’s not his upbringing

It’s not good , especially the sickness thing. People will notice and comment about it.
I’m absolutely not sticking up for him , but does he hate this particular job ? Is it worth him looking for something else or retraining?
He’s got 30 years edit of work.

@mrstumblesspottybag

His colleagues couldn’t be further from his mind. He’s not a people person and happy for people to think whatever they want.
In his own words he’s not there to lick arse or make friends.
If he got sacked he would go and work somewhere else.
I don’t know how he gets away with it because if I did that I would be sacked before I knew it.

I think he's foolish to assume that people aren't picking up on his negativity. There's a huge gulf between "licking arse and making friends" as he charmingly puts it and just showing basic courtesy and respect to coworkers which is pretty much a requirement of any job. He's taking the piss: I don't know what he does but I can't believe he's so crucial to the company that someone won't rumble his poor attitude.

Aside from this I don't think I could bear to be with someone with such a negative attitude to people generally. He seems to have a very misanthropic attitude to people: surely some of this must rub off at home?

He sounds miserable.

I’d get the ick with someone like this. He’s lazy and selfish. He doesn’t care about fairness or about looking out for his colleagues. He’s happy to leave his colleagues in the shit whilst he pisses about taking sick days. Pushing to leave work early when other people would also appreciate an early finish here and there.

I think he’s disgusting and bet his colleagues think he’s a right bell end. I’d be embarrassed to be with someone like that, not in line with my values at all.

He’s not a people person and happy for people to think whatever they want.

And cover for him. Which is very different.

Personally, I think it's fine, apart from the sick days maybe. But. I'm one of those people who'd much rather have more time than more money as long as the bills are paid and I have a little left over for fun.

If you arent financially strapped why should he work on Saturdays or BH's?

Some men really cant win, if he worked every Saturday/BH's people would be ripping into him for not spending time with his family.

No one wants to work Saturdays/BHs. It's falling to his colleagues every time to cover for him because he can't be arsed/thinks he is special.

How much does he do around the house?

The pulling sickies is a red flag. I done it a few times when I was in late teens and early 20s. But now I would never do it for not just feeling it. Going into boy who cried wolf territory.

Exactly that. Happens where I work. 2 new colleagues managed to get weekends, bank holidays and evenings off. Leaving most of us to do extra weekends etc. boils my piss

Unless in his contact to work weekends why should he

if it is then management need to have word with him and tell him he needs to work the odd weekend in rota

I'm with your DH.

Nobody lies on their deathbed wishing they'd spent more time at work.

That's a management issue though, not an issue with the person who doesn't want to work.