To think Dh is doing as little work as possible

[mrstumblesspottybag]

We both work full time but if ever there’s not a lot on and they let someone go early Dh is the first to volunteer to go home bearing in mind he’s hourly paid.
Once he’s maxed out his paid holiday he will take unpaid holiday just because he likes time off.
He takes the maximum amount of sick days and will ask for bank holidays to be unpaid so he doesn’t lose a day there.
We don’t have a huge income between us but if ever he is asked to work late or go in on Saturday he will laugh and say no chance.
It isn’t because he doesn’t like his job it is because he doesn’t like working in any job so does the bare minimum.
He’s always done as little as possible but as he’s got older he seems to do less and less.
We aren’t in financial trouble or anything but to think he isn’t bothered taking less pay because he’d rather finish early or have an extra few days off here and there.

Maybe he's working smart but not hard - pulling in more money than you with less effort.

Could you do more hours to make up for the earning difference ?

I have to show proof of appointments. How is he getting away with that and max sick days? A certain amount triggers an automatic appointment/monitoring. I would lose all respect for someone who did that.

I don't think there is a rule to say we must work as hard as we possibly can. Work life balance is something a lot of people struggle with. Can you reduce the amount of time you work? If i was a colleague it would not bother me if someone went early etc as they will not be getting paid. The sick day ' entitlement ' would be a definite no for me.

I think not doing extra Saturdays and evenings is fine. But lying about appointments and illnesses is really grim and could end up badly at work.

What are you actually bothered about here? Do you want to see less of him? Are you worried he's taking the piss too much and might be fired? If he works 35-40 hours per week then that's full time and if there's no money worries then that's fine imo.

Full time hours barely gives you chance to prepare for the next working day and then weekends fly by. If he's just making the most of time off work and he pulls his weight at home then I wouldn't have a problem.

I went down to 4 day weeks (and took a paycut) in one of my jobs and me and my partner had a lovely time going for walks on the day off when not many people were about in the week. I still had plenty of time to complete my tasks and no one at work was left short because of it. If my partner called me lazy for not wanting to spend the best part of my life stuck in an office then we would not be together. And I also wouldn't have cared what other people thought either tbh.

This tbh. Other than the sick days, which are a limit not a target, I don’t see the issue.

He’s already the main earner, no financial struggles, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with preferring to be at home than at work. Not many people love their jobs, it’s a means to an end.

The maxing out sick days would put him first on the chopping block for redundancy if I were his manager. It’s not a target.

As for the rest…I wouldn’t like a partner to have this lack of drive but each to their own. Work is just work for some people and that’s ok.

What does he do with his time away from work? If he's busy doing positive stuff like running a scout group or volunteering, I could understand. But if he's just sat a home on his phone, I'd have a problem with that. Maxing out sickness is nothing to be proud of either.

It can’t look good to work colleagues when he’s always asking for half days or early finishes for imaginary appointments because he isn’t feeling it today

The moment someone finds out that any of those are imaginary, I think he'll be in serious trouble for lying to his employer. Not to mention expecting the rest of his colleagues to cover for him as well.

I'd be livid if I was his co-worker and found out that I'd been covering for what I thought was a doctor's appointment or whatever, and found out it was a lie.

"I don't think this teaches our child about good work ethics".

I guess you have to ask yourself what is likely to benefit your child most in the future, to have a parent that engages and spends more time with them, or whether it's better to have a parent that spends more time working and away from them and modelling "good work ethic behaviour".

I’m really surprised by some of these responses. It’s fine for him not to work weekends unless there’s an expectation to do so. Hard to know on this one unless you work there - there might be lots of people queuing up for extra shifts who need the money in which case it doesn’t matter. But when I worked somewhere where working evenings and some weekends was expected now and again, you were very much judged for not pulling your weight. But maxing out on sick days, making up appointments so he can leave early, that would give me the ick to be honest.

People are always finding ways to dodge work.

It's just that some are seen as more socially acceptable than others.

Eg working from home.

Yes some people at home do probably work hard. In the same way some probably do take an amount of sick days legitimately.

There’s a vast area of things he could be doing between ‘doing positive stuff’ as in your examples to ‘just sat at home on his phone’. Can’t you imagine that?

This would absolutely give me the ick
As long as I have two arms and two legs and a working back, I would want to be maximising my earning potential up until retirement and then on that day I will not lift another finger
But there’s a long road to get there first

I’m actually sort of in awe of his give no fucks attitude tbh. Listen to us here! “Oh his colleagues won’t respect him” “if he’s causing work for others” how meek and compliant do those fears sound in the face of a man who gives zero shits?

I can see why you’re uncomfortable because I would be- I think it’s being a people pleaser it’s hard to understand his attitude

That’s right! And ‘it’s ok if he’s filling his free time with socially acceptable things’ as decided by the people doing the judging, just so long as he’s not loafing. I believe freedom comes with giving zero fucks about what anyone else thinks of you.

Absolutely, there is, was I supposed to list them all?

@kittywittyandpretty then you will be disappointed when you discover you do not have the energy or health of your 20-40s when you are 60+, and you are literally running out of time on this planet.
My mum died at 61 before retirement. Best believe I'm making the most of my youth and that does not involve breaking my back for any employer.

Not at all, it just seemed two extreme points.

Yes, it was deliberate. Maybe it's somewhere in the middle or a little bit of both once the OP lets us know.

Righto.

What a depressing way to live.

If he got sacked, he’d go and work somewhere else

Would he? I wouldn’t employ someone who’d been sacked for lying about sick days and medical appointments.

Not wanting to put in extra shifts I can understand, not everyone wants to or needs to. However the sick days and fake appointments would irritate the hell out of me. I do wonder what these people who take the piss do when they are first to be in line for redundancies or they need a bit of extra support I.e family deaths, cancer diagnoses etc.

Trying to provide the best life possible for your family, yeah it sounds awful